Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be happy cosleeping?

56 replies

KoalaTale · 15/01/2013 12:29

Dd is 13mo and sleeps in our bed every night. She goes to sleep in her cot in her room for a couple of hours from 7pm, giving me a chance to have dinner/bath/tidy up and chat to dh. Then she wakes about 930 and wants to sleep cuddling in our bed.

For a while we tried lots of techniques to keep her in the cot longer, all resulted in her crying hysterically and sometimes making herself sick (we tried laying next to cot,rocking,singing,total darkness and even a few minutes of CIO which I won't ever do again :( .

Anyway, dh and I have come to the conclusion that dd is better off in our bed, she sleeps well, has a bf a couple of times which I virtually sleep through and we all get a good night sleep.

When I get asked about sleep by hv/mil/fil/dm/dbro and any other person who is nosey interested they all sigh, tell me about rod for my back or tell me they wouldn't put up with it. Tbh I'm quite fed up of all the negative comments and I do enjoy cosleeping - last night dd smiled and cuddled and looked at me with such happiness and love it brought a tear to my eye.

Aibu to actually enjoy cosleeping and be fed up of people making me feel like I'm a bad parent for doing it? I don't care how other people sleep and don't see why I should lie to please the critics...

OP posts:

auburntrees · 16/01/2013 00:02

Probably get flamed for this...so here goes. IMHO it is natural to sleep with your child. I just do not understand the need/pressure to put a small, dependent child in another room and expect them/you to be comfortable with that.

I did what suited (and still suits) Ds and myself. He won't still want to co-sleep at some point, and, in the grand scheme of things, the human life span, at 5, my Ds is still, in my opinion, perfectly entitled to want his mummy at night. These times do not last and are so, so precious.

One day, I will miss being booted, scratched, pee'ed on, etc, so I try to treasure our time now, and realise, that one day I will have equipped him with the life skills that make him feel secure, loved and (hopefully) enjoy his bed as much as I do!

inchoccyheaven · 16/01/2013 00:09

ds2 still comes to sleep with me when he is poorly or feeling insecure, bad dreams etc and he is 10 1/2 yrs old. DH and I have separate rooms because I snore and I like it when I have snuggly body next to me sometimes.

Arthurfowlersallotment · 16/01/2013 00:09

Yanbu

I love co sleeping. When she does stay in the cot I miss her.

And for every person who is open about their co sleeping, there are ten who don't let on.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 16/01/2013 00:14

Both of mine start in their own beds and appear in the night.

I am perfectly happy with this especially as they sleep in later in the mornings than if they stay in their room

YANBU :)

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 16/01/2013 00:16

DS1 has ants in his pants tonight though!
A little tempted to leave him here with DH and go into his bed (where DS2 can join me when he wakes up for his first feed)

IHeartKingThistle · 16/01/2013 00:28

I did sleep-training (NOT CIO though). The reason I did that was because I knew I'd rather teach a baby to sleep on their own than a toddler who could walk and talk and remember. I don't know whether that was the right thing to do but it worked for us. But it's been really interesting reading so many people saying that their DC naturally moved from co-sleeping to their own bed when they were ready - I honestly didn't know they could do that. Yes, I am a bit dim sometimes. I have been guilty of the odd 'rod for your own back' comment .

I still can't bear the idea of suddenly sleep-training a toddler who's used to co-sleeping though, so maybe the answer is to co-sleep until your child is ready not to and be sure you're not going to change your mind about it!

Hope I haven't got the tone of this post wrong, really don't want to annoy anybody, I'm just musing really, I've found this thread really interesting!

PS Mine do come in with me occasionally, I'm not a meanie!

pookamoo · 16/01/2013 00:34

I love co-sleeping, but DD2 (16 months and currently going through some kind of regression ) has been asleep with DH in our bed for the last 3 hours. WIBU to go crawl into the spare bed for the night?

If it works for you, carry on, OP!

SwitchedtoEatingCheese · 16/01/2013 01:24

I most definitely have made a rod for my own back. All 4 of my children end up in my bed every night ( age 8,6 and twins aged 3). I have now got the biggest bed imaginable, so everyone has room.
In truth like them being there, they all have there own room and bed, but we all prefer a cuddle.
I do worry that they will never want to sleep on their own, but I'm sure at some point they will....

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 16/01/2013 01:48

It shouldn't be a subject up for discussion anyway, it's between you and your partner. Why are people so obsessed with knowing if you're baby is sleeping through/feeding properly etc. For every one person who is genuinely concerned, half a dozen others discuss it as small talk and take it upon themselves to get all judgey about it.

Unacceptable · 16/01/2013 02:02

YADNBU

You=happy, DH=happy, DD=happy. Where's the problem?

Cherish it. It'll be a lovely memory to look back on when she's a teenager and doesn't want to be in the same room as you never mind the same bed!

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 16/01/2013 06:33

I know a couple of co-sleepers who can be just as judgy though - my toddler is a terrible sleeper, I am up and down all night to him, if I ever dare mention having had a particularly bad night (this is over a coffee, while kids play, not at work or somewhere inappropriate) they immediately start preaching the wonders of co-sleeping and how if I'd only do that I'd be well rested, insisting they were never tired when there now young school age children were toddlers because they co slept). They just will not allow themselves to hear that I am not against co-sleeping, but it just really, really does not work, in the context where "work" means allow me to get as much or more sleep than if he is in his own bed and I get up every time he cries...

I am tireder if I co-sleep with my particular toddler than if I get out of bed 4 times a night to re-settle him, and am as tired of being preached to by co-sleepers who seem to think I am denying myself sleep out of some kind of masochism, as I am of another friend who informs me I should just put my child to bed and close the door and not interact further til morning, as that is what she did and it worked for her...

Everyone should do what works, nobody should think their method would necessarily work for the next person... Its hard not to mention having had a sleepless night to a friend over coffee, not discussing your child's sleep habits is all fine if your solution is working, but when you've been up half the night (or more) and are very tired it is odd trying not to mention it when having coffee with a good friend who has their own young kids, making the subject taboo is as weird as everyone thinking their approach is the only "natural" or "right" one...

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 16/01/2013 06:35

*their, sorry, tired :o

maninawomansworld · 16/01/2013 09:37

If it works and you are happy then great, take no notice of what other people say but beware, you really ARE making a rod for your own back in years to come. Apart from the practicalities of having a child still wanting to sleep in your bed when she's 4 or 5 years old, what are you going to do if you have another?
A friend of mine has two kids and she's been very un-boundaried with them, letting them cosleep, always jumping as soon as they make a noise, pretty much giving in to their every demand and as a result her life is pretty damn hard and she bitterly regrets not listening to advice given to her when her first was very small.
Another friend who is a single mum and works full time has had to be very boundaried out of neseccity. She has twins and they do what they are told. From a young age she used controlled crying, never let them cosleep unless they were ill and generally takes no shit from them. As a result she now has two delightful little girls (I think they're getting on for 10 now) and her life has not been overtaken by her children so she is still able to work, enjoy hobbies, go on dates and all the rest of it.

Now is when you must make your choice. There's no right or wrong way but based upon my own group of friends and their experiences I know which route we will be taking when our first comes along in the near future.

(benefit of being among the last of your friendship group to have kids you get to learn from others successes / mistakes!)

Fakebook · 16/01/2013 09:38

We co-slept with our first dc until she was 3.5. We're co-sleeping with our dc2 and he's 12 months. When they're ready, they'll ask to move into their own bedroom by themselves and that's the best way to do it, IMO.

inchoccyheaven · 16/01/2013 09:46

Marina co sleeping and giving into every demand are not mutually exclusive. Lots of people on this thread co sleep but that doesn't mean they give in during the day to demands from their children.
Funnily enough I bet many of them also work, go out etc

13Iggis · 16/01/2013 09:56

I wonder what "takes no shit from them" really means with regard to a small child - doesn't accept hitting/biting etc? Great. Doesn't cuddle when they ask, ignores their cries? Not great.

I doubt small children or babies really have any "shit" (other than the obvious kind!)

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis · 16/01/2013 10:00

Iv'e co slept with mine, no rods here.
Tell them to stick their rod up their arse and mind their own fooking business Smile and nod. YANBU

Tailtwister · 16/01/2013 10:03

YANBU. If it works for you then that's fine!

We co-slept with DS1 (4.5) and he moved to his own bed at around 3 with no problems. If he's ill or worried at all then he's known to migrate sometimes! DSD2 (2.5) is still in with us but starts off in his own bed. He still bf's overnight, but the frequency is decreasing.

I couldn't stand having to get up and down all night settling a child and the best way for us is to co-sleep. I have had the odd comment for PIL (mainly due to SIL not doing the same), but I was pretty direct straight away which seems to have shut them up!

KenLeeeeeee · 16/01/2013 10:06

I wonder what "takes no shit from them" really means with regard to a small child - doesn't accept hitting/biting etc? Great. Doesn't cuddle when they ask, ignores their cries? Not great.
I doubt small children or babies really have any "shit" (other than the obvious kind!)

^ This.

OP, YANBU to still enjoy it. It's lovely and if it's working for all of you, carry on enjoying it! I love waking up to ds's little face every morning and dread the day he decides he's outgrown snoozing with me. My older kids graduated to their own cots/beds around a year - 18 months old, so I'm glad I have a while yet before ds3 outgrows me.

sniggy01 · 16/01/2013 10:09

I have 4 children and they have all co slept with us until the next one comes along - it lovely - totally natural and means not only do you get a good nights sleep you also get a confident happy child who doesn't feel they have been pushed away. My MIL advocated that babies should be in their own bedroom from day one with the door shut and never stops making comments - to me that seems so un-natural and victorian.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 16/01/2013 10:10

YANBU. I loved the idea of co sleeping and what you do sounds lovely. Sadly, my dd was a complete wriggler and no one got any sleep when we tried it. So she slept in a cot it her own room.

Really, whatever works for you. I don't think either method is intrinsically better.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 16/01/2013 10:11

Well, just as you like cosleeping, theres another person who doesn't. Its just a difference of opinions. I dont cosleep woth dd but I dont give a shiny shite if others do. Much like I dislike mushrooms, where somebody else loves them.

It doesnt make either of you wrong, and both sides of the debate have valid.points.

What is unreasonable is that someone outside the home wants to tell you how you should be acting inside of it. The only people who matter in that instance is you. DH and your DD.

Next time anyone comments say "what? Cosleeping? I bloody love it!"

MrsReiver · 16/01/2013 10:13

We co slept with DS(8) until he was about 3ish when he decided he was going to sleep in his bed. He'd go to sleep in his bed, come through about 1am then that gradually got later, and later until he was spending all night in there. DH works a night shift on a Friday, and DS sometimes sleeps in bed with me on those nights. I love it, but I know it won't carry on for ever so I'm savouring every minute of it.

DC2 is due at the end of February, and the other morning DS came in for a snuggle with me and DH and told me he can't wait until the baby's here because "then we can all have a big family cuddle together." I just about melted!

Anyway, my point is co-sleeping does not mean there will inevitably be problems with getting your chlid to sleep in their own bed in the future.

ColaConkie · 16/01/2013 10:15

My son is 5 and still comes into bed during the night to sleep. I want him to stop but he keeps doing it. I get no sleep as he sleeps all over the bed and never under the covers. No amount of talking to him stops him coming in. I just wish he would stop. When I take him back to bed, he will reappear 5 minutes later. I stay sane by telling myself that he will stop eventually

Purplehonesty · 16/01/2013 10:16

I've never done it apart from the occasional night when ds was ill
Dd has been in with us all this week she is 6 mo and had a tummy bug but I worry about squashing/suffocating her. Can I ask how you all make it safe to sleep with a baby as I really rather like it now!

Flip

1 2 3