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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross with inlaws.

33 replies

manchester04 · 31/12/2012 06:44

Ds who is almost 6 still wears a pull up at night. Sil and mil know/saw this and both started the ".... is 4 and doesn't wear a nappy at night". Aibu to be cross about this. I know its not ideal him still being in pull up but i understand its still within normal range. Plus this is hardly going to help.
Aibu

OP posts:

Wearegoingtobedlehem · 31/12/2012 06:48

YANBU
I dont think I would be impressed with their criticism

RandomMess · 31/12/2012 06:49

YANBU, they are clearly uneducated and do not realise it's about hormone production not ability

Best way to kick start the hormone is to actually increase the amount of fluid they drink during the day. I don't think the medics look at this issue until they are 8ish

yousmell · 31/12/2012 07:42

it's within the normal range till hes 8. can you tell them?

tangofan · 31/12/2012 07:51

YANBU at all. I sympathise, this could easily have been my insensitive mil or sil. It is common and even if it wasn't it hardly helps to comment like that, it's just being judgemental and tactless with it.
Can you tell I speak from experience and am a teensy bit bitter?!

Original poster

manchester04 · 31/12/2012 09:22

I really feel sad for ds. Mil is his only granddparent and she clearly favours dd. I have noticed it and i think he is starting to see it too.

OP posts:

Original poster

manchester04 · 31/12/2012 09:23

I think calling it a nappy is wrong for a start. Its a pyjama pant.

OP posts:

imtheonlyone · 31/12/2012 09:25

That's sad, YANBU at all!! My DS is 7 nearly 8 and we've only just stopped putting him in pull ups at night. My other DS on the other hand was dry in the day and at night at 2!!!! They are all so different.
Think the favouritism is sad too give your DS a big hug!

FolkElf · 31/12/2012 09:27

My son was in pull ups at night until he was well into year 1.

We saw the school nurse about it and she said they didn't do anything about it until children were 8 so 4 is absolutely nothing to worry about at all!

Your MIL doesn't know what she is talking about.

FolkElf · 31/12/2012 09:27

yes that's it, pyjama pants, not pull ups.

MushroomSoup · 31/12/2012 09:28

My eldest had 'sleep pants' until she was around 6. She was just a very heavy sleeper and, although she was dry in the day from 2 and a half, it took her much longer to manage it at night. We just didn't make a big deal out of it. Eventually we found the pants were dry in the mornings a few days in the trot so we stopped them and it was all fine! No point doing it until they're ready.
My younger DCs were dry day and night by 2 and a half.

Anyway, it doesn't matter if your family don't like it. Your child, your rules!

NotShortImFunSized · 31/12/2012 09:34

YANBU I'd be very cross with them too. Especially if they said anything about it in front of your ds

Ds2 was in them until he was 8 and a half! It's perfectly normal, especially in boys apparently. My other 4 dc were all dry at night by 3 but every child is different.

My dad used to make comments about him still being in "nappies" and in front of him too. It did nothing but make poor ds feel bad and like he was doing something wrong.

I'd google hormone production and the weeing connection, print it out and have it to hand for their next visit. If they mention it again thrust it at them and tell them not to mention it again!

ByTheWay1 · 31/12/2012 09:41

Do your in laws know you are all "working on it" perhaps they think you are just leaving him in pull ups for your convenience?

(6 or 7 years ago when my girls were small the advice was to wake them before you go to bed and take them to the loo, then wake them early/when you get up... and not to use pull ups as they are too "comfortable" - advice changes over the years perhaps they are working from a different advice set?)

CollieAndTheEyeV · 31/12/2012 09:57

I'm sad that you've been made to feel this way, and really hope nothing was said infront of your DS.

This thread has reassured me somewhat. My DS (just turned 5) is also still in 'night pants' and I was getting concerned that he's nowhere near being dry at night. His pull up is often more sodden than his 2 year old sister's. DS is very slight build. Could this have something to do with the lack of hormone production?

Anyway OP, you are not alone, and YANBU!

TheFallenNinja · 31/12/2012 10:03

I don't have to even read this. Everyone will try to weigh in with words of wisdom. I pay no heed and just carry on with what I'm doing unless it is good advice I can work with where I will naturally take the credit

Amothersruin · 31/12/2012 10:17

Use the mn classic of fuck off and then when you get there fuck off some more on them! My ds is 9 and still in them. He has recently started on medication but doesnt seem to be working either. I am not concerned-I myself was a bed wetter. Ds is a heavy sleeper but I am sure he will eventually grow out of it.

FreakishlyFantastic · 31/12/2012 10:24

im normally a lurker and don't post much but i am going through this with my nearly 7yo ds, i think they are being completely unreasonable talking like this, and i hope they are not doing it in front of your dc,

having just seen an enuresis specialist the advice i was given was quite detailed, i would be happy 2 type the leaflet into a pm if you would like, we have been following the advice for 2 weeks now, and there is a definite improvement even if its not 100%

TheMonster · 31/12/2012 10:26

Yanbu. Criticisms and comparisons like this are one of the reasons we no longer see my inlaws.

BerthaTheMangerBurglar · 31/12/2012 10:36

Just repeat "the doctor says its normal and perfectly fine" in a monotone voice every time they say it.

Or how about "my friend's mum is 68 and already knows its rude to comment on other people's bodily functions!"

Or "gosh you've got a lot of wrinkles/bad breath/quite a spare tyre, MIL. What are you doing about it?"

I'd address the favouritsim head on though. Find an example of specific behaviour that you can describe to your MIL ("today you did this"). Tell her ds is noticing the favouritsm, it is damaging, and it has to stop. You can dress it up as "I'm sure its unintentional, but ..."

ComposHat · 31/12/2012 10:44

Wait until the daft old buggers go incontinent and then add 'My mum is 79 and she doesn't piss herself and need Tena Lady'

Tanith · 31/12/2012 10:52

It's always been the case that children can be wetting the bed at this age.
My DH wasn't dry at night until he was 7, according to MIL, and I can remember my brothers, sister and I all had rubber under sheets on the bed during infant school.

Not at all unusual. I'm surprised they don't know that.

peaceandlovebunny · 31/12/2012 11:29

my grandma was a great believer in 'lifting' children in the night. when tiny, that meant physically lifting them out of bed, and taking them to the bathroom. older children were woken a little and led to the bathroom, then back to bed.
it was an excellent system and shows that my grandma, born in 1909, had the expectation that primary age children, left to their own devices, might not be dry at night.

blackeyedsusan · 31/12/2012 11:31

I was going to come on with a suggestion similar to the bog manger burglar...

Jelly15 · 31/12/2012 12:21

My sister was 13 when she could go all night without an accident and doctor said that it wasn't uncommon. I would be cross with ILs too. Tell them that if they can't be silently supportive and not draw attention to it then they can go to hell.

Dolallytats · 31/12/2012 12:35

I see lots of people have already replied, but I thought I would add that my DS (5 in March) is still in nappies at night (won't wear pyjama pants). His sister was dry at night by the age of 2-she was dry at night before she was dry during the day. Every child is different.

I always think it helps to hear from oters in the same boat!!

Anniegetyourgun · 31/12/2012 12:42

One of mine wasn't dry at night till he was at secondary school. Another was reliably dry at a year old. It's not so much how you train them as how they just are. Additionally there are techniques that will help some but not others. But there, it's a good thing everyone isn't the same - otherwise everybody might be judgemental cows like your MIL and SIL.

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