Is it ever okay

[isabelladeste]

For one partner to say to the other 'can you wipe that properly please'?

Was in kitchen, dropped a bit of gravy on counter, wiped it up with soggyish cloth, which left a bit of a trail of water...which prompted the above comment.

Why wouldn't you?

Well, it sounds a bit snippy but I think worse things have probably been said.

Er...yes. It is perfectly okay. Are you wondering if it's emotional abuse? It isn't.

This is a reverse AIBU isn't it. Your DH has copped the hump for you bossing him.

Ah, I think you're right Fellatio about it being a reverse!

Rumbled FN!

It's often necessary in my house...if you're going to wipe it up, wipe it up properly!

Yes of course it is. It's really rude for one partner to make a mess like that and then not clean it up properly. In the past I asked DH to redo some bit of cleaning on a few occasions - he did get annoyed at first but when I explained that I had two options - do all the cleaning myself, or ask him to improve his cleaning -he understood where I was coming from. He is far better now and has asked me to redo things a few times, which doesn't bother me in the slightest.

As long as it's not done in a nasty way there's nothing wrong with it IMO.

what's the point in doing it if it's going to have to be done again? just do it right the first time or don't bother??

Dp gets this sort of thing said to him frequently occasionally- I'm still whipping him into shape ;) he will be house proud one day!

Depends whose kitchen it is! It's my domain in our house, so if DH said that to me, he'd get the look from me. However, I'd be perfectly entitled to say it to DH without him getting stroppy.

I say that to DH ALL the time. He never learns. He doesn't Hoover properly either.

You both need to go for a nice long walk :)

I get extremely twitchy and agitated when I watch people wiping dirty/crumb covered tables and work surfaces and they don't do it properly.

I want to scream at them.

'Your cloth is too wet! Wring it out a bit! That scourer is not absorbent enough! Run it under hot water first! You are just smearing the gravy around instead of getting it off! Look - there are still bits everywhere - are you BLIND?'

Yes

Provided the tone isn't too snippy

Are you at the stage where the way he breathes annoys you? I find a walk helps

I think the tone matters.

I do make an effort to be more like, 'Ah you missed a bit, do you mind giving it another swipe?'

As opposed to 'Can you do that properly?' which is what my inner voice is saying.

FN I think we were separated at birth.

"Properly" is a loaded term though on something which is not a binary thing - one persons properly is another persons waste of time.

Leaving clean water on a counter - completely fine it'll evaporate and everything's good. So YABU if by the person who wiped it view it was done properly, the correct comment would be "Could you wipe that to my standard?" and they'd be quite in their rights to say "Nope, you do it." since it was done sufficiently well for them.

If you're sharing a kitchen though you do need to come to an arrangement that works, but that isn't making the person with the easier to meet standard doing extra work to meet the properly of the more exacting person. Since that places the whole cost on one person, which is unreasonable.

The tone is crucial. It is perfectly fine to point out that the wipe up job was ineffective and to fix it if it is said pleasantly using better words than I have just done.

DP and I would have split up years ago if he got huffy when asked to wipe kitchen surfaces properly. Because he knows that he doesn't!

Leaving clean water on a counter - completely fine it'll evaporate and everything's good.

I HATE it when people do that. I can't stop looking it it out of the corner of my eye. And worrying.

I cannot stand watching my MIL wash up either. She does it in a really brisk and no-nonsense fashion, but half the things still have bits of food on them. She is also one of those people how just rinses mugs and things under a running tap with no washing up liquid, and there is always a ring left around the inside of the mug. These things keep me awake at night.

So long as you're not hovering outside the bathroom door, calling instructions to your partner while they're on the loo.

Think this is unrealistic? DH once got huffy with me about the amout of loo roll we seemed to be getting through, and had the sheer bloody affrontery to ask me how I was wiping my arse - in case he could suggest a more efficient method!

FellatioNelson Even me who says it's fine and is pretty slack won't let MIL into the kitchen to wash up, despite her staying with us for weeks at a time! Makes me look helpful but it's really based on not liking the methods (although drying up is my bugbear - leave it to dry naturally don't smear that tea towel over it...)

It's not unreasonable to be bugged by these things (well not the still dirty washing up, that's wrong regardless) - it's just unreasonable to expect others to accommodate it without giving something in return.