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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit bemused and annoyed by this?

49 replies

Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:11

I've just come home from my best friend's house and I'm sitting here in a "can't believe that just happened" kind of way.

She has a 6yo DS, my DS is 3, nearly 4. It was her DS's birthday today.
On Friday he had a party, he said he wanted only school friends, so my DS didn't go. He was fine, we were fine, all ok.

BF and I were at playgroup this morning and she asked if we wanted to come round for tea tonight, we could see her DS on his birthday as we hadn't been at the party, watch a movie, have pizza and eat popcorn. Our other friend and 2 kids were coming too.

We all got there, had fun, kids played fine, then her DS asked if he could put the TV on. She said "yes, we can put the movie on", told us all what it was.

Then her DS said "no, I wanted it to be just family" so she said, "Oh sorry guys, we will just have some popcorn" and then when he had moved away "it is his birthday and as they get older you have to let them do what they want"

So we have come home, its now 6pm (not UK) and i have got to find something for dinner for DS (not a huge problem as have chucked stuff in oven) who is quite annoyed at not getting pizza and a movie at his friend's house.

AIBU? or is this just rude and pandering?

OP posts:
HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 04/12/2012 07:12

I would have hit the ROOF if my child had been that rude!

As they get older you have to let them do what they want?

Oh, I want a front row seat for when that attitude comes and bites a huge chunk out of her arse!

ripsishere · 04/12/2012 07:13

It does sound a bit odd. IIWM, I'd have sorted out some pizza for the other guests. By then, my DD would have come out of her strop and joined in.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 04/12/2012 07:14

Oh, meant to say though - she's your friend. There's a big age gap between the children. They don't have to be friends in order for you to be friends.

Perhaps just see her alone in future.

RedHelenB · 04/12/2012 07:17

Does he not really like your son? Just cos you two are best friends doesn't mean the children have to be you know. Although once an invite had been issued I think it is rude to backtrack on it, but maybe he was never asked?

HairyGrotter · 04/12/2012 07:18

Like HECT I'd hit the bloody roof if DD did that.

She is teaching her child nothing good, life is gonna be shit later for him when he learns not everything goes his way. My friend's DD is a bit like that, and she panders to it, I rarely go round there with my DD now because it enrages me too much.

YANBU, it is rude and she was definitely pandering.

WildWorld2004 · 04/12/2012 07:22

What a spoilt big brat her ds is going to turn into because by the sounds of it he is half way there.

Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:24

We lived next door to each other for over a year and the kids played together a lot. They played well together most of the time, although her DS can be quite sly and bullies mine if he thinks no-one is watching.
I'm dying to speak to our other friend but don't want to start bitching between us!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:26

Also all the kids there were different ages, we are all part of an expat group that spends a lot of time together. None of the others would ever do anything like this.

OP posts:
ClairesTravellingCircus · 04/12/2012 07:32

My DC would never be allowed to behave like that!

And I chuckled st Hecate's answer, front row for me too. Pass the popcornGrin

littlewhitebag · 04/12/2012 07:35

That is so rude! I would have sent the child to bed and watched the film with the others who were there - birthday or no birthday!

thebody · 04/12/2012 07:39

Rude spoiled brat. Surprised you didn't 'show your surprise' at the time.

I would have jokingly said something like 'oh so no pizza for us then, great!' Etc.

Hectare is right. This won't progress well.

Draw back a little from seeing her with brat. Make new friends with kids same stage as you and see her alone. You could always hint that its obviously because her child has moved on from yours. Might make her think.

pictish · 04/12/2012 07:39

Incredibly rude...to the point of hilarity really!

I would be shocked too, if it had been me! I cannot even imagine any of my friends doing this - they ALL would've taken their son aside and got him told in no uncertain terms.

If this DID happen, I would be sitting with the Shock Hmm face on as well.

Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:44

I kind of got up and said "well, what are WE going to have for dinner then?" And left pretty quickly.
DH is furious, her DS didn't even look up from the toy he was playing with to look at the present I got him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:44

I'm half expecting a text, will not be able to not say anything about this :(

OP posts:
Startail · 04/12/2012 07:47

YANBU

No way would I invite people for tea and then send them home without tea.

Her son needs to learn so manners and she needs to learn to him them.

lljkk · 04/12/2012 07:48

That is beyond bizarre, OP.

Startail · 04/12/2012 07:52

Even if your son wasn't his first choice of playmate, he can't uninvite some one mid visit.

He needs to learn that some times it is kind to do things that aren't exactly what you want.

My DDs play with my DFs DDs, so we can have coffee and a chat or because one of us needs child care.

They aren't totally comparable, but they manage and often end up enjoying it.

HairyGrotter · 04/12/2012 07:53

My friends DD is his age, I've mentioned her behaviour to her mother, but she doesn't like my way of parenting so now we say nothing. However, her DD is having trouble in school due to her major lack of empathy. She's 7 now, I'm expecting her to have a hell of a time come teenage years and adult years, empathy is vital and usually well established by that age, if it's not, it tends to spell trouble!

I wouldn't be able to hold back if she text, OP. You could mention that you thought it was a bit rude

Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:53

She did say "I must have misunderstood" but still...

OP posts:
Asinine · 04/12/2012 07:54

She is likely to try to apologise sooner or later.

You need to decide how to handle that.

What are you going to say?

Original poster
Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:57

I genuinely don't know. She hates confrontation. They are such a lovely couple, unbelievably caring and generous, and she is a child care professional!!!

OP posts:
hattymattie · 04/12/2012 08:02

YANBU - it is incredibly rude and as they get older you will not have to do what they want!!!! But I do wonder if the mother had invited you regardless of what the son thought - she should have really gone though it with him before. Once you were there though you were invited and you don't throw people out on the whims of a six year old. Child care professional - snort!!

Thisisaeuphemism · 04/12/2012 08:16

She's an idiot- 6yr olds do say things like that but they need to be put straight not pandered too.

I would be tempted to be really petty and everytime she suggests something say your DS doesn't want to - "and as they get older you have to do what they want" etc, etc.

Floggingmolly · 04/12/2012 09:17

What did she mean when she said "I must have misunderstood"?
Surely not the instructions of a 6 year old? Hmm

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 04/12/2012 09:25

Incredibly rude, your poor child. Your birthday is not a day to disregard others.
I know when mines been let down like this he gets so upset. She should have stepped in for the sake of the other kids - especially after 2 let's down.

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