Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be a bit bemused and annoyed by this?

49 replies

Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 07:11

I've just come home from my best friend's house and I'm sitting here in a "can't believe that just happened" kind of way.

She has a 6yo DS, my DS is 3, nearly 4. It was her DS's birthday today.
On Friday he had a party, he said he wanted only school friends, so my DS didn't go. He was fine, we were fine, all ok.

BF and I were at playgroup this morning and she asked if we wanted to come round for tea tonight, we could see her DS on his birthday as we hadn't been at the party, watch a movie, have pizza and eat popcorn. Our other friend and 2 kids were coming too.

We all got there, had fun, kids played fine, then her DS asked if he could put the TV on. She said "yes, we can put the movie on", told us all what it was.

Then her DS said "no, I wanted it to be just family" so she said, "Oh sorry guys, we will just have some popcorn" and then when he had moved away "it is his birthday and as they get older you have to let them do what they want"

So we have come home, its now 6pm (not UK) and i have got to find something for dinner for DS (not a huge problem as have chucked stuff in oven) who is quite annoyed at not getting pizza and a movie at his friend's house.

AIBU? or is this just rude and pandering?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 09:41

I think so Floggingmolly.

No text or apology, not even from her DH who is usually more sensitive to these things.

Very disappointed :(

OP posts:

stifnstav · 04/12/2012 09:42

So let me set the scene in my mind...

You, your DH, your Ds, other friend and her 2 DCs had to get up off the sofa and fuck off home on the say so of a six year old?!

Awwwwwwwwwkward!

I wouldn't ever go back, just in case the 6 yr old chucked me out again.

SavoyCabbage · 04/12/2012 09:47

Get some new friends who aren't rued by the whimsy of an infant.

YourHandInMyHand · 04/12/2012 09:48

How rude.

My DS often comes out with stuff like this - he has autism and has very very little empathy. However he immediately gets told. I would never pander to him, I want him to grow up with some manners and social skills (even if they have to be painstakingly taught). Can't believe you were all invited round for pizza, film and popcorn and got sent home! Bet the other kids were disappointed. I'd have been fuming.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 04/12/2012 09:51

Really? She honestly said you'd just have to have popcorn and you said zilch?

HullyEastergully · 04/12/2012 09:53

rude rude rude rude rude

she is doing her ds NO favours either

Original poster

Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 09:58

Everlong I didn't say zilch, I made a comment about having to sort dinner for DS and left.
I'm not sure our other friend was expecting dinner now, she wasn't at Playgroup so don't know what she was told

OP posts:

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 04/12/2012 10:02

I'm sorry op I didn't see that.

How odd. Is she normally a push over where her kids are concerned?

WinkyWinkola · 04/12/2012 10:02

Bizarre behaviour.

I would avoid social arrangements with her in future tbh and just keep my distance. And I wouldn't be keen on the dcs playing together either if her ds behaves as you say.

Time to quietly move on without any drama or confrontation. It's not going to get better.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 04/12/2012 10:06

YANBU. Very rude of her.

It sounds like her DS rules the roost, tbh. The mind boggles about what kind of childcare professional she is like - I hope she doesn't look after other children at the same time as looking after her son

Agree with others that you should distance yourself a bit and maybe just see her without the children.

Original poster

Sharksandfishes · 04/12/2012 10:12

We've had concerns about her DS for a while (hope this isn't considered drip feeding). He bullies my DS sometimes and tells him to do things that would get him into trouble. DH can't bear him, and always keeps a close eye on him. He thinks this had nothing to do with wanting just his family and everything to do with being mean. I'm more annoyed because DH didn't want to acknowledge his birthday, and I made him saying he is only a child.
Since they moved out we generally don't see him as often, me and her meet 2 or 3 times a week with her younger DS and mine. I think if they suggest anything together as 2 families I will say no.

OP posts:

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 04/12/2012 10:20

Very rude child and mother. She will have a very spoilt brat very quickly if this sort of thing continues. The child has already learnt to seriously manipulate situations.

Something similar happened to me recently. We were all very shocked.

In your shoes I'd text her and say that your son was really upset being sent away from the planned birthday film and tea and ask her to consider his feelings in the future. She obviously didn't.

pictish · 04/12/2012 10:22

So would I.
Look - I have drifted away from friends in the past owing to the behaviour or attitude of their children.
It would be nice to be able to seperate the friendship from the motherhood (the most adult way to deal with it)...but when your child ends up being affected negatively because of it, it's then much much harder to suck up.

I would have been offended by this incident, just as you are - and believe me, I have a bloody thick skin. I'd think that anyone who would treat me and my child like that, on the say so of a six year old, was not a person I could view as an equal. Or a friend.

It's a small incident, but it tells you everything you need to know.
I'd be cooling things off, and if she enquired as to why, I would tell her. No big confrontation or anything just calmly telling it like it is.
After that she can do what she likes with it. She can wise up and make it better, or she can carry on parenting like a fool. And a rude fool at that.

The "Sorry - Jeremy doesn't want you now...goodbye!" routine would go down like a sack of shit with me.

stifnstav · 06/12/2012 19:05

Has she apologised OP?

Original poster

Sharksandfishes · 07/12/2012 01:49

No,
I saw my other friend yesterday and she said "I bet DS was really upset, I can't believe she did that"
It turned out she didn't know about dinner until she got there but she was still shocked and said he is a little brat and that he is only going to get worse. She said she has never seen them discipline him, and that they made a decision a couple of months ago not to see them as a family unless they had to.
I feel better knowing its not just us.
We were all out as a huge group last night and I am sure the brats dad knew something was up as he is a lot more perceptive than his wife. DH is really good friends with him, so said he would say something if he brings it up.
I think the whole thing has really made me question our friendship, and that makes me really sad.

OP posts:

stifnstav · 07/12/2012 08:15

What a shame. But it probably is going to get much worse if they don't pull him up on it at all.

diddl · 07/12/2012 08:45

Looking back at the OP, although I think the boy was rude-I do feel a bit sorry for him if he was looking forward to pizza & a film with just his mum, dad & brother & then others had invited.

Mother sounds ridiculous-how did you not just laugh in her face?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 07/12/2012 08:54

I am wondering if the boy has already said he wanted ot to be just family and for some reason the mum invited you.
In that case, while still rude, its not so unusual for the child to say that. 6 year olds have a habit of speaking what they are thinking.
its all down to the mother. She should have stepped in and spoke to him. Not pandered.
But it sounds like she panders to him whether its his birthday or not.

YouSeveredHead · 07/12/2012 09:02

I'm shocked, if I'd have done that as a child I would have been upstairs whilst everyone else had pizza and a film.

pictish · 07/12/2012 09:12

I entirely agree that it is the mother at fault, not the child.
When I say I have drifted away from friends in the past owing to the behaviour and attitude of their children, I really mean because of their ineffectual parenting.

Spons · 07/12/2012 09:15

I remember trying something like that when I was little (brat), my mom ended up having tea with my 2 friends whilst I sulked! Served me right!

starfishmummy · 07/12/2012 09:16

I agree with Brady - yes the kid was rude and mean, but he is just a kid. The way the mother handled it was even ruder!

wonderingsoul · 07/12/2012 09:28

i dont think you can blame the kid to much tbh. hes just turned 6, my ds1 likes to have movie nights just us, but i doubt he'd say what the little boy did if he'd have had friends there to.

his mother was in the wrong imo. she was being rude, not the boy. she should have pulled him to to the side and said

" you have invited friends over for pizza and a movie, it would be rude and upset them to send them away, so we will watch the movie and have pizza have some fun then maybe later tonight or tomorrow night we can watch a movie just us"

i agree she'll most prob have problems later on if she gives in and thinks the world revolves round her son.

freddiefrog · 07/12/2012 09:36

Very rude

Birthday or no birthday, my child would have been told what's what

Flip

1 2