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Original poster

Please I beg you, Help me get over him :(

36 replies

SmallBump48 · 28/11/2012 19:08

My Fiancé just ended our 3 year relationship.

I have a DS with him.

Please I'm heartbroken, I don't know what I am going to do now, I'm so devastated.

Please say ill be okay because I don't feel like I will be, please tell me everything is going to be okay

I can't stop crying, He has just left and said that he doesn't love me anymore then just moved out.

I don't want to be without him

What am I going to do?!

Have posted in relationships aswell but much more traffic here and I really need support :'(

OP posts:
SantasStrapOn · 28/11/2012 19:11

You will be ok. You will. Give it a bit of time, and you will wonder why you would want to be with someone who is so unloving, thoughtless, and selfish.

It hurts now, it's a shock, and obviously you weren't expecting it. But ask yourself this, honestly. Do you really want to be with someone who can so callously tell you he doesn't love you? Someone who is enough of a shit to walk out on both you and his child?

HairyGrotter · 28/11/2012 19:14

Cliché as it is, time really is the greatest healer. The next few months are going to be hard, but in time, each day will get a little easier.

Don't be too hard on yourself, take time to heal, and lick your wounds. Remember to eat and drink too!

Mu1berries · 28/11/2012 19:15

You WILL be OK. Although it hurts like nothing on earth for a while. The fact that you're in this much pain now is not a reflection on how your life is going to pan out, or how you're going to feel about 'this' in the future.

The worst part is getting used to the idea. That is the worst bit I think. Your future has been ripped away and you don't know what the future is going to be now. But you don't KNOW that it will be worse. It could well be better! There is a website called getting over him or something like that, somebody posted it recently.

toofattorun · 28/11/2012 19:15

I know it seems like the end of the world and its very sad that your relationship is over but you WILL be OK and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though you're unable to see that at the moment.

All you can do is concentrate on getting through the day and focus on your son. He will be fine and you will be the best mum to him.

DaydreamDolly · 28/11/2012 19:17

The next few weeks will be dark I can't lie to you. But I promise you, you will be fine, in fact you'll be better.
My husband of 12 years left me with 2 DD'S 3.5 and 6months, 2 months ago for a woman he'd been seeing behind my back for 2 years. I am better than ever and never thought that possible.
I got help from my gp and lots of family and friends support and of course the children really help to keep you going. You can and will do this and emerge stronger and better for it xxx

makinglemonade · 28/11/2012 19:19

So sorry your so upset. As others have said - you will be ok. It will be hard and you will feel awful for a while but it gets better.

I speak from bitter experience. My EXP walked out on me without a word. I came home from work one day and he was gone. Just left a note.
I was devastated, thought I'd never get over him. It was difficult but day by day with support from friends and family it got better. I can now see that he wasn't my future and you can't make someone love you.

I'm happily married now and all the stronger for it. I just want you to know that you can get over this and be strong for you and your DC.

Have you anyone you can call for support in RL.

We are here for you OP

KenLeeeeeee · 28/11/2012 19:21

You will be fine. One day you will look back on this & not give a shiny shit about him because you will be able to see what an arsehole he has been.

Be realistic in your expectations of yourself. Don't pressurise yourself to feel fine straightaway. Give yourself time to grieve for the life you had planned out and to readjust to a new future.

It sounds so stupid, but just take it one day at a time. Plan what you need to do in practical terms - housing & finances are top priority, then work out contact arrangements for your son. Do you have friends or family that could come round to give you some moral support?

MrsHelsBels74 · 28/11/2012 19:22

I'm sorry, you must feel like your whole world has collapsed. But as everyone else has said, you WILL get over it. It won't be easy and it will take time but it WILL happen. Just take each day at a time, be kind to yourself & talk as much as you need to, there will always be someone on here who is willing to listen.

AnuvvaMuvva · 28/11/2012 19:24

I'm not one for pills, but anti-depressants will REALLY help you, because they actually lessen the "in love" feelings. Increasing the amount of serotonin in your brain actually causes you to fall out of love.

Go get some from your GP.

DaydreamDolly · 28/11/2012 19:26

Annuva is right. My GP prescribed anti d's and it was a real turning point for me.

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud · 28/11/2012 19:27

ah OP Sad I know you think we are all just saying it to make you feel better, but honestly - time is a great healer and you will get over him.

The next week is going to be hideous.

The week after, less so.

The week after, even less so.

You will probably feel like a zombie for a few weeks and think the pain will never end.

All this will pass though. You just have to get through this a little at a time, be kind to yourself and do let yourself grieve the end of your relationship but don't let it be all consuming.

Ultimately you have your child to concentrate on, although that will be hard to do in the immediate days - is there anyone in real life you could ask to help out (even if it is doing the nursery run or cooking your evening meal for a couple of days)

I fell apart when my 'big love' came to an end and we hadn't been together anywhere near as long as 3 years. I actually had to move into my mum's for a week so DD was looked after properly. I feel embarrassed now to admit that, but at the time I felt physically ill from it all.

Take care of yourself and one day you will see that he has done you a favour - he can't be that much of a man to just up and leave the way he did.

x

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/11/2012 19:28

I have also been through a dreadful heartbreak and I am fine! It took a long time - I cannot lie about it, but it will get better.

Time passes and the pain will ease. Get some help - GP, therapist, friends, family - wherever you can. You will also need time to grieve and cry and feel as if the world has ended. One day you will realise that it has NOT ended, and that you feel stronger.

xxx

MoomieAndFreddie · 28/11/2012 19:29

aww OP

didn't want to read and run

you WILL feel better in time, i know this doesn't help now. did he give any reason why? do you think there could be someone else? (sorry)

PeppermintLatte · 28/11/2012 19:31

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. What a bastard Angry

I promise you with all my heart, at some point you will be fine, better than fine, you'll be doing bloody great. You'll also find happiness again and life will be lovely.

You are a strong woman, you'll get through this for you & your son. Rely on friends & family for support & take things slowly. You will get there eventually xxxx

gordyslovesheep · 28/11/2012 19:34

OP YOU WILL BE OKAY

gordyslovesheep · 28/11/2012 19:35

OPPS

anyway you will - it's awful now and it will be for a while but it gets better - my ex walked out without warning and it was the worst moment of my life but 3 years on me and the kids are fine and life is good again

hang in there - let yourself grieve and be kind to yourself x

ooer · 28/11/2012 21:46

OP - you really will. You can make a really lovely life for you and your DS (and a possible future partner but I know nothing could be further from your mind right now ...! )

Repeat after me: "What a git. He didn't deserve me."

Move on practically and eventually you will have moved on emotionally. Get rid of his stuff etc. You still have to facilitate your DS's relationship with his Dad but don't make it harder on yourself than it needs to be.

Good luck OP.

Joiningthegang · 28/11/2012 23:31

It will be hideous, it will hurt and feel awful

But one day it will be less so

Then one day you will be happy again - you really will.

Find a good friend to talk to - get all those horrible feelings out in the open

Good luck xxxx

OscarPistoriusBitontheside · 28/11/2012 23:34

My friends exh did this to her, at the time she was devastated, now we look back and it's the best thing that he could have done. tosser

You'll be fine, but give it time, it's an awful thing he's done to you both.

piglettsmummy · 28/11/2012 23:42

I split with my ex p and dd's dad in may although it was mutual i still struggled ( while he went off and shagged everything that moved!) but each day it got better and I think actually that was a good thing! Coz all
The regrets I had with him Incan now forget about and learn from
Them! Your ex will soon miss you and the best thin you
Can do is pick yourself up and move on! Yes it hurts but don't show it to him when he comes to see
Your dc! 7months on and I have reconnected with people I thought were long gone! Plus it's nice to new free and not have to wait on anyone!Wink

MoomieAndFreddie · 29/11/2012 10:59

how are you today OP?

CoteDAzur · 29/11/2012 11:05

OP - You WILL be fine. It will of course hurt at first, but you will get over him.

It helps to fix a point in the future, say, a year from now. And know that by that date, you will be perfectly fine and looking back to today and saying "Why on earth did I think my life was over?".

Take it from one who's been there Smile

Original poster
SmallBump48 · 29/11/2012 22:42

I am worse :( So much worse.

I think about him 24/7 about what he is doing right now etc. No exaggeration on 24/7.

I am devastated completely heartbroken and I don't know what to do with myself.

I haven't slept because I just want him next to me and every time I talk to someone I start crying and I mean every single time.

I am hurting like I have never hurt before, I cannot and do not want my life without him :(

OP posts:
Original poster
SmallBump48 · 29/11/2012 22:43

I even put a pillow behind me to pretend that it was him cuddling me at night :( It made me worse :(

OP posts:
gail734 · 29/11/2012 23:34

SmallBump, you will be OK, just take it one day at a time. Even one hour at a time. You're in shock just now, in a grieving process. You will emerge from this devastation and go through other phases - acceptance, anger. Ask yourself, why are you pining for someone who's been so cruel and heartless to you? Don't you deserve better than that? Of course you do! Let yourself wallow around in misery for a while, and then pull yourself together. You are a strong and powerful woman and it's HIS loss. He'll probably be back. It's up to you what you do when that happens, but when my ex came crawling back after 4 months (must have realised that Claudia Schiffer didn't want him!) the satisfaction that I got from telling him to get lost was absolutely priceless. Especially after I discovered that the presumptuous git had told mutual friends that we were getting back together!

He's not the man you thought he was. The guy you loved so much wouldn't have done this to you. Look after yourself, but try to remain dignified. Don't isolate yourself - talk to your friends.