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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help me now :(

37 replies

Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:10

I've just got in from work half an hr ago. I'm in the kitchen cooking tea and washing breakfast pots.
DD nearly 4, has bitten DS (7) she has broken the skin, its bad.
I smacked the back of her hand :( and put her on the bottom step. I had locked the living room door (old fashion door with heavy slide lock)
She's currently on the other side kicking and screaming. What do I do? :(
Please talk me through it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:13

Please somebody

OP posts:
ImperialStateKnickers · 13/11/2012 17:13

Holding hand now.

SarkyWench · 13/11/2012 17:13

are you saying that she is now locked in a room that you can't get into?

Svrider · 13/11/2012 17:14

I would ensure older child is ok
I personally would unlock door, but ignore 4yo whilst giving 7yo lots of attention and magic cream
Try and get everything calmed down, any show 4yo what they've done
Make them say sorry
Shake your head in wonder in one hour when there friends again

jan2013 · 13/11/2012 17:14

oh im so sorry - dont know wat to do someone will be along soon but sounds difficult :(

Whitershadeofpale · 13/11/2012 17:14

How long has she been out there? Is Ds OK will he need stitches or a tetnus booster?

podgymumma · 13/11/2012 17:14

So is she locked in and can't get out?

UncomfortableOne · 13/11/2012 17:15

make yourself a cup of tea. Is your DS ok? have you cleaned the bite and put a bandaid on it?

Is your DD somewhere safe?

Is your partner coming home soon?

ImperialStateKnickers · 13/11/2012 17:15

Are they separated and safe now?

Justforlaughs · 13/11/2012 17:15

Don't lock the door on her, if that's what you just said you'd done. She's only 4. Don't over-react but she is old enough to understand why what she did was very wrong. Show her his hand (he may need attention - tetanus, if it's not up to date, she may be his sister but a human bite can still be nasty) and ask her why she did it and would she like it if he did the same to her. (I'm not advocating that he does). Stay calm with her, screming and smacking her isn't going to achieve anything constructive.

PandaNot · 13/11/2012 17:16

Ignore the kicking and screaming, carry on as if everything were normal, lavishing attention on the non-screaming child. Pick the child up and move her if needs be.

Whitershadeofpale · 13/11/2012 17:16

For the time being as long as she's OK out there I'd ignore DD and concentrate on making sure DS is OK.

VinoEsmeralda · 13/11/2012 17:16

Stay calm and tell her she needs to calm down and then she can come off. Ignore any other conversation. Once she has calmed down You have a chat and ask her why she did it, was it the right thing to do and what she should do next? Best of luck!

valiumredhead · 13/11/2012 17:16

Take her back to the step - don't shut the door and get down on her level and look her in the eye and tell her to stay on the step for 7 minutes and every time she gets up she will start her time out again.

Stick to it.

This won't work if you smack as well ime.

When her time is up you need to make her apologise and find out what provoked the argument.

Actuallylookingok · 13/11/2012 17:16

Good advice from Svrider. Then have a cup of tea (laced?) a deep breath and go back into mummy mood with everyone doing a calm activity together ready for bedtime. Feel free to weep later, but rest assured it will get better.

imtheonlyone · 13/11/2012 17:17

So not allow her to kick the door. Explain that she will stay in there for four minutes and every time she kicks the door is another minute she has to stay there. Keep moving her away from te door until it stops. She needs o calm down but dot allow her to keep doing this.
When she is calm show her what she has done to her sister. Explain sternly its not acceptable - would. She like someone to bite her etc? Then he must apologise and cuddle her sister.
Good luck x

ObiWan · 13/11/2012 17:18

If the 4 year old is safe, leave them too it.

Clean the 7 year old up, and key an eye on the bite over the next day or two, as people bites can be horrid.

Then I'd probably try getting to the bottom of it, because biting is bad, but if the 4 year old had been whacked around the head or something beforehand, you don't want to seem unfair in your treatment of them. An outraged 4 year old is a fearsome thing.

Kethryveris · 13/11/2012 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:24

I have no partner. I'm single. She wasn't locked in a room, I locked her out the living room, something I have never done before. She has calmed down now.
I have never smacked her before, I just panicked and thought I had to do something huge to make her realise the seriousness of the situation.

OP posts:
puds11 · 13/11/2012 17:27

Hey flojo please don't worry too much. I would let her back in the living room on the condition that she apologizes to her brother. Then have a stern word about what she has done.

You also get her to help tend to the wound she has made eg. cold flannel so she understands the severity of what she has done.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:27

They r both now sat either side of me whimpering.
DS due to leg (she bit his thigh)
DD has apologised.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:30

DD is now holding cold compress.

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imtheonlyone · 13/11/2012 17:30

Glad she's calmed down. She will understand how serious it is if you show her what she has done to DS (sorry called him her sister before!)
Well done for coping - we all have moments like this do not think you are alone. I deal with situations like this on an almost daily basis (4 boys under 7!!) the youngest used I bite but doesn't now. It took stern talkings to, a loss of something they wanted eg tv or story before bed. She will learn. Very important to make her apologise.
Well done - get yourself that cup of tea now Smile

Actuallylookingok · 13/11/2012 17:33

Well done Flojo..onto the next crisis, eh!! Just keep repeating 'It'll all get better, it'll all get better....."

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 13/11/2012 17:33

DS is such a gentle sensitive soul, who used to worship his baby sister.
DD is...well....3. She's horrible to him and takes great pleasure in getting a reaction from him, usually crying. DS has changed, he seems to take pleasure out of DD being in trouble. Often telling on her with a smug look.
How do I encourage DD to be kinder to him? Reward chart didn't help, as 'be kind to DB' is too big. How do I start with the small steps?

OP posts: