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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I won't make any 'mummy friends' ?

53 replies

mmmnoodlesoup · 05/11/2012 09:10

I'm nearly 8 months pg with my first dc amd really enjoying it. However, I've started feeling a little down about the prospect of not making any mum friends when the baby is here.

I'm in my mid 20s, but I feel mature for my age, and in all my classes (yoga, antenatal classes, water aerobics) all the women are at least mid 30s-40.
I always make effort to be friendly, chatty and smile, but the women usually chat amongst themselves as I guess they can relate to eachother more.

I wanted to do the NCT classes but couldn't afford them and heard they're a good way to make friends, althought I'm sure it would be the same story.

I've tried the MN local boards but no replies :( any ideas? I'm very independent and wouldn't mind not making new friends, just thought it would be nice during those early days to have support from other new mums.

OP posts:
Brycie · 05/11/2012 09:12

You'll be ok. The hospital should do ante-natal surely. Friends will come eventually but if you're too anxious people might be put off if you look desperate. Don't worry too much, there are lots of baby classes you can join.

squeakytoy · 05/11/2012 09:13

Do you have real friends already? why are they suddenly no good because you are going to have a baby?

You are just as likely to get support from the people who already know you than make friends with someone just because they too have a baby.

GotMyLittleLamb · 05/11/2012 09:14

I am 27 and felt exactly the same as you when I was pregnant. But I have met some lovely people through baby groups I go to and have stayed in touch with some mums from hospital (although DD was in the neonatal uni and I met some mums there). Try not to worry too much, you will be surprised how many people talk to you when your out and about with your gorgeous baby. A lovely friend of mine just started talking to me in Costa and we have since met up an become mates.

Where abouts are you?

Original poster
mmmnoodlesoup · 05/11/2012 09:14

I don't think I come across anxious or desperate tbh. Just friendly and make the usual conversation 'when are you due' etc. I've done the hospital antenatal class and it was great, only one day though so didn't see anyone after.

I guess baby classes will be the way to go :)

OP posts:
SamSmalaidh · 05/11/2012 09:14

Try the Meet-a-Mum boards on Netmums, and any new baby groups your local children's centre does. Are you going to do NHS antenatal classes?

Brycie · 05/11/2012 09:15

I know someone who actually followed a mum with a pram and knocked on her door to make friends! And it worked too.

HKat · 05/11/2012 09:15

What Squeakytoy said

Original poster
mmmnoodlesoup · 05/11/2012 09:16

squeaky yes, I a few close friends, but they work full time and study so I hardly see them as it is unless its arranged well in advance. I will definitely still have them and lots of support from them.

littlelamb good to know you made some after pregnancy. I'm in north London

OP posts:
NoGoodAtHousework · 05/11/2012 09:16

I met my best friends through sure start baby groups and baby massage.

sweetkitty · 05/11/2012 09:16

I wouldn't worry, you'll have baby massage classes/breastfeeding groups if breastfeeding then there's the local toddler groups, you'll probably need to go to a few and keep going to find one you like.

JollyJack · 05/11/2012 09:16

I've made really good friends with one of the mums from ante/post natal classes. I found it so much easier to interact with other mums once my baby had arrived. I'm not very good at social situations sometimes and having a baby with me meant I could concentrate on Ds if I felt awkward or anxious.

Baby groups are good as you get a good chance to chat and a coffee :)

VonHerrBurton · 05/11/2012 09:16

You sound lovely. I would be your friend. So will lots of people. Having children is a real leveller - especially your first, there will be many people you will meet if you 'stay social'. Do as many baby/toddler groups as you can, go swimming, the park etc. You will find so many people ready for company, tea and cake. Please don't worry, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Goldmandra · 05/11/2012 09:17

In the very first weeks you will be so absorbed by your new baby it won't matter.

Once you're ready to interact with the world again find a few local toddler groups to try out. You'll meet other mums there and probably find a few who also have tiny babies.

Also think about baby sensory or music classes. I don't think these do an enormous amount for the babies but the mums often make really good friendships and then start meeting up in between.

GotMyGoat · 05/11/2012 09:17

Hi op - where are you based?

I'm a similar age and i can tell you that once everyone has their babies the age gaps become insignificent - I have mummy friends from nct who are all, like you say 30s and 40s but they are my brst friends now.

Attending childrens centres groups is another oppurtunity to meet friends and get support, and even if nct classes are unaffordable you can still join the nct for about 30 pounds a tear, ours holds weekly coffee groups at members houses and picnics and walks and things.

There are plenty of oppurtunities for meeting mummy friends - don't let the ages of people put you off though.

P.s i got my nct course heavily discounted as i was on a low income - might be worth asking?

poocatcherchampion · 05/11/2012 09:18

I made some friends in the doctors when babies were having jabs. We swapped numbers and met up subsequently. Just carry on being chatty and friendly and you will.

Original poster
mmmnoodlesoup · 05/11/2012 09:19

Thank you Von :)

Can I ask those replying with 'I made lots of friends' etc how old you are? If in your 20s that's reassuring. But if you're in your 30s then that's kind of my point; most new mums around here are in their 30s/40s so they meet lots of women

OP posts:
Woodlands · 05/11/2012 09:20

I can compare it to the times I started at high school and again at university, not knowing anyone and being sure I wouldn't make any friends. Then you team up with people in the first week and panic about being stuck with them forever and ever. However how it actually works is that friendship groups move and shift and suddenly a year down the line you realise you've got a really solid group of friends.

I also didn't do NCT classes as I just couldn't justify the cost, and at the NHS classes I did no one socialised (plus I only made the first two of four classes as I gave birth after that!). Though in fact I do still know one of the people I met there as we were on the same MN antenatal thread and now our children go to the same nursery! Anyway, I went along to an NCT postnatal coffee morning where I got to know all the people who did the NCT course I would have done (IYSWIM). I used to meet up with them once a week or so but then somehow when we all went back to work it tailed off and I haven't seen them for ages (apart from one person who lives very close to me and we see each other all the time - our children are best buddies). I used to go to a baby group at my local children's centre, and it was through that that I've made my lasting group of friends. It helps that we all live really local, all 5 minutes walk from each other's houses, as opposed to the NCT group who were far flung. We do all work on different days of the week but it means there is always someone I can meet up with on the days I'm free. It's fab.

That was a bit long! Basically, go to baby groups, find out what's on locally, and if you meet a mum you hit it off with then exchange numbers and agree to go for coffee or something! You'll be fine.

SamSmalaidh · 05/11/2012 09:21

I was 26 when I had DS and met lots of other 20-somethings at the children's centre etc.

Brycie · 05/11/2012 09:21

Yes, sorry, early 30s.

Original poster
mmmnoodlesoup · 05/11/2012 09:21

Thank you for the reassuring replies, I probably am worrying prematurely.

OP posts:
Brycie · 05/11/2012 09:21

Then!

VonHerrBurton · 05/11/2012 09:21

GotMy That's so true too. One of the best 'post baby' friends I made is 10 years younger than me - our boys just gelled instantly, we naturally met up because of the dc and we've been really close for 8 years now, our dhs are close and I wouldn't have thought for one minute we'd have been 'compatible' before.

Woodlands · 05/11/2012 09:22

Lots of cross posts.

I was the youngest of all the NCT mums by a fair bit at age 30 - but my friend in a neighbouring area was the oldest of her NCT group at 35. All my friends are older than me; my best 'mum' friend is 13 years older, but it really doesn't seem to matter!

DontmindifIdo · 05/11/2012 09:22

Most of my close 'mummy friends' aren't woman I met before I had DS, they are woman I got to know at various baby groups and classes. I advise you do your research now while your brain works, pretty much every church will have a baby and toddler group once a week, see if you can work out when they all are (check the websites for all the churches in your area). Find out if your local library does baby singing groups and which days. Then there are things like baby sensory classes, baby signlanguage classes, if you have a sure start centre/children's centre near you, check what they have going on (baby massage classes tend to be quite good).

If you have a "thing to do" each day, and make yourself get up, dressed and out to something each day you will start to make friends easily. Treat it as a project.

poozlepants · 05/11/2012 09:22

I made more friends when the baby came along by going to a bfing group in our church hall. I didn't keep in touch with any from my antenatal group. I was 39 but the one girl I was bessie mates with and still am was in her 20's. It wasn't until a year after we met we discovered what ages we were. Baby groups are great in the beginning because everyone is going through the same things as you and you aren't going through the weird newborn things in isolation.