To think I won't make any 'mummy friends' ?

[mmmnoodlesoup]

I'm nearly 8 months pg with my first dc amd really enjoying it. However, I've started feeling a little down about the prospect of not making any mum friends when the baby is here.

I'm in my mid 20s, but I feel mature for my age, and in all my classes (yoga, antenatal classes, water aerobics) all the women are at least mid 30s-40.
I always make effort to be friendly, chatty and smile, but the women usually chat amongst themselves as I guess they can relate to eachother more.

I wanted to do the NCT classes but couldn't afford them and heard they're a good way to make friends, althought I'm sure it would be the same story.

I've tried the MN local boards but no replies :( any ideas? I'm very independent and wouldn't mind not making new friends, just thought it would be nice during those early days to have support from other new mums.

I had my child in my mid twenties too, and yes, most of the mummy friends I've made are older than me, so try not to panic. If the classes you are going to aren't that friendly, then try other activities - mother and baby film screenings, children's centre groups, church baby/toddler groups - IME the church run groups are more run as community outreach rather than overtly religious, so you don't have to be a christian to enjoy these.

Oh, and I was 30 when I had DS, but most of my 'mummy friends' are late 20s. A few in their late 30s and early 40s, however we are all at the same stage so it doesn't seem to make a big difference.

I will definitely do that Dontmind, I used to work in a children's centre and helped with classes so I saw how lovely it was for the mums to relax and have a chat while I ran around like a blue arsed fly

I'm 26 and made all of my mummy friends after DS was born, only made 2 antenatal classes as he was early and as I'm a bit shy I had spoken to no one at that point!! I made a huge effort to go to classes even though I would never go anywhere on my own normally and it totally paid off, all my friends are in their 30's and it doesn't really matter I'm sure once baby is here and you can get out a bit you'll make loads of friends, is there a sure start centre near you? Most or the stuff I do is at our local one and it's free are you anywhere in the north east?

It's good to know its less cliquey when the babies get here. Most of my friends at university were 30/40 same as at my previous employment.

My experience is that the problem you have can happen at any age, incl when you are mid 30s.
I know I did.

As other posters, the way forward for me was baby groups. I found the bfing group and baby massage the best for me (I seem to have clicked with more people there than the 'normal' baby groups). But obvioulsy this is just me. You will have to 'shop around' to find the one that work best for you. Each baby group seem to attract different type of women and you will feel more comfortable with some. (ie the NCT groups I went to had a very different tone/feeling than our local baby groups).
But from my experience, what you are talking about is more than just an 'age divide'. There are many more reasons why you don't find friends straight away.

Keep looking and I am sure you will find some nice 'mummy friends' :)

I feel for you - I was 26 when I had DD which is unusual in these parts, tend to be more mums in their 30s - 40s. Funnily enough the best 'mummy' friends I have are in their mid-late 30s and my age at heart

I met my friends at NHS antenatal classes. We also went to a Rhyme Time session from a young age (about 4 months). And honestly, all of my non-mummy friends from before are still my best friends who dote on the only baby in the group! And it is bliss having non-baby related conversations.

I'm also North London and 36 weeks pg with DC3 and old and jaded. I've done volunteering for the NCT too in this area. You don't need to be a paid up member or have done the ante natal classes to join a group.

I don't know which bit of N London you're in but the area I'm in run something called Tea Groups. You can email your group (via NCT website) and ask to be put in touch with your tea group which will be a group of about 7 - 10 mums in your postcode who have all had babies around the same time as you.

I've got a toddler crawling all over me so I can't link but please PM me if you like and I'll send through more info and if you're in my area I can let you know even more !

Hi, I understand what you mean :-) I had my first baby at 21. I always felt mature for my age, but when I was pregnant, I was by far the youngest in the groups I attended. The older mums were lovely to me - but more in a nurturing way iyswim? and all I wanted was for someone to be on level with me. But like you say, they had more in common with one another and more life experience. My own friends were great, but like yours, they were studying, working or partying!

I've had three children since and my last was such a different experience. I felt that I had so much more in common with the mums and conversation easier- Only thing was, having two children already and being pregnant, I craved 'me' time, where I didn't have to make conversation and small talk!

You will undoubtedly make 'mummy friends' along the way - trust me, especially living in North London! Just a note though, I'm in my thirties, but I'm done having babies. I now look at the twenty something mums with a tinge of jealousy that they are starting an incredible journey into motherhood, and I won't ever get that buzz of being pregnant, new baby etc. Enjoy your youth! You will soon look back and wish you were that age again and starting out :-)

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I echo others that say age is less important. I rarely ask people's ages when I meet them. I would say most of the mums round here are anywhere between late 20s and early 40s! I tend to find you will be drawn to people with the same age babies and then when they are toddlers, same age and sex as people tend to want to find playmates for DC.

I would also say though, that I have found meeting mummy friends the same as internet dating (luckily don't have to do that anymore). You will meet a lot of mums but not necessarily click straight away, so it helps to meet as many as possible and not to be too judgmental or desperate in the off.

You need to be as open, flexible and thick skinned (!) with other mums. I found that even in a meet up situation you can be stood up and ignored in conversation, not because other mums don't like you, but because everyone is so totally absorbed in their baby and is sleep deprived and partially crazy and forgetful themselves.

Also with the NCT, you don't actually have to be a member to attend the vast majority of their events (don't have to spend £30!) such as meet ups, sales etc. A good way of meeting others is to become a volunteer or helper with a playgroup or such.

My main 'problem' was after DD reached 12 months and I didn't go back to work, the baby groups that I went to went from being say 80% mums : 20% carers (nannys, au pairs, CMs, grannies) to the reverse - sometimes I was the only actual mum. I stopped doing a few things as there were not enough mums and I found it disheartening. I just found carers were not at all interested in making real social friendships and tended to group together (although grannies are very friendly!). Now, I only do groups where I know there will be other mums and I make a real effort with them.

I still prefer my pre DC friends even though I hardly ever see them, so it's worth holding on to these, even if it's only occasional weekends.

you will!

and while its good to keep in touch with your baby-free mates, it IS important to make friends with babies, as they understand what you are going through in a way that non-mums just won't (as i found) and i found that i discovered who my real mates were as well cos a few seemed to drop me when i became a mum

and when i was pg with my 2st, i felt like i would never make "mummy friends" too but i found that once i had a baby it was EASIER to make friends if anything

just get to loads of baby groups, i know it can be daunting but keep at it

and also try netmums meet a mum

I was 10 years younger than everyone else in my NCT class at 24, but I agree with the previous poster who said once you have your babies thr age gap disappears. You will meet people.

Don't write off all mid 30's mums :) I would chat to you ( not a cliquey type )

Ah thank you all so much ! When do you start going to baby groups?

You're all invited to mine for tea, and I make a mean banana bread :)

Dye that sounds amazing I will pm you

This was similar to my experience. I was 23 when pg with dd. I did pg yoga up until the end and I'm still in touch with some of the mums from there although it did drift off a bit when people started returning to work.
I also did an antenatal course, not nct but a private one. It was not cheap but worth it for the friends I made, we sometimes joke that we bought each others friendship :)
There's 6 of us in that group, babies are all over one now and I am the youngest mum (25) by at least 8 years. Oldest is 42, she's prob the one I'm closest to as our babies had similar issues when they were little.
After dd was born I was quite proactive in getting out a lot. I spent far too much money on a baby massage course, baby sensory, any mother and baby groups I could find like at sure start centres etc. That helped me but I know other people who are just as happy chilling at home.
The main thing is you need at least one person who is off on mat leave at the same time as you who you can meet on weekdays, existing friends will probably not be in the position to do this.
It also helps to know that you won't be the only one up in the night feeding etc.
Now we have all returned to our jobs but still meet up every now and again.

Just get yourself out there, think of it as dating?!
At least with a biig prominent bump people always have something to talk to you about :) hope you meet some people

I was 29 when I had ds1.

Once I'd got over the initial shock of becoming a parent, I went to as many different classes as I could (preferable free or very cheap!) to see what we enjoyed. I met lots of similar aged people to myself and 7 years on we're closer than ever. I still have lots of other friends that I was friends with pre dc, but the newer ones all live more locally and have dc of similar ages which is great when we all meet up.

Once you've met someone who you seem to get on with, invite them round to yours for tea and cake. Take it from there.

Try not to worry. There will be people in a similar situation to you.

I started going when baby was 9/10 weeks, the first few weeks were abit of a whirlwind and I'd had a section so hadn't felt ready before then. I started with swimming and joined a few different groups and met some lovely people, DIY worry everyone is in the same boat.

I'm mid twenties and most of the mums are bit older but it doesn't matter when u have babies the same age.

• don't worry even

I had DD at 25. I found making friends with people who had a child a similar age helped a lot as I was the first of my friends to have a child. Groups definitely are a good place. I'm not great at talking to people I don't know but just kept going and now have some lovely friends who helped in a way others couldn't. I was the youngest by five or six years and it hasn't been an issue.

Good luck but I don't think you'll need it.

You will, honestly!

I had my first when I was 23 and started going to baby group when she was about 4 months old. I made loads of friends, most of them older some a similar age.

I've still kept in touch with them now that DD1 is five. One of my best "mum friends" is in her late 40s (I'm 29 now) and we still have plenty to talk about! You can find common ground with anybody. Age is just a number.

I'd forget the age thing. It's irrelevant. You either get on with a person or not. Perhaps you are indirectly projecting a barrier with other mums by having this complex.

I once left a baby and toddler session and one of the mums in the car park said to me how the other mums are so much older t

I'd forget the age thing. It's irrelevant. You either get on with a person or don't. Perhaps you are indirectly projecting a barrier with other mums by having this complex.

I once left a baby and toddler session and one of the mums in the car park said to me how the other mums are so much older than she was and how they must think she is just one of those young mums which is why they weren't very friendly to her. I was a bit surprised by this because I didn't think she was a young mum and even if she was it was irrelevant to me. In turn she obviously thought I was quite a bit younger than my age, which although was nice, just added to the fact she was putting up an age barrier and blaming, what she perceived as an unfriendly attitude from the group, on this. (I've been to the baby and toddler group for quite a while and not once has age ever been brought up).

Making friends takes time and effort whatever your age.

I started going to the post natal exercise group at 3 weeks, and also our local breast feeding group at about the same time. A few weeks later we started baby massage at our nearest sure start centre and then gradually added in swimming, library sessions etc as they started to become appropriate.

I hadn't had a cs though so that made it easier. Also I successfully bf, so didn't have to plan ahead with bottles etc. As I'm not the most organised person in the world, that would have stumped me for a bit I think!

As it was, as long as I had him, some nappies and wipes and a muslin cloth we were good to go!

Thanks everyone for your advice

noodlesoup I'm really sorry, I didn't see this thread when I started mine!!
I am in the same boat as you as you can probably see from my thread. Seems difficult to know how to meet new people at the mo (and I'm only 5 months pg, so not quite sure why I'm worrying about this yet!!)
Advice on here has been good so far.