To stick a newspaper under my arse and squat ??

[HELPMyPooIsStuck]

I've been bunged up for days, so far i've tried raising my feet on the loo, sat with the paper and a coffee hoping gravity would take effect ( it didn't) rocking back and forth, vaseline splodges and drinking enough water to sink the marie celeste.

I've also tried prunes, treacle and shredded wheat.

I don't even like shredded wheat.

Bar the odd feeble offering loggy ain't shifting, it's right at the launch pad so to speak but just isn't taking off, I can actually feel it when I bend down etc, it appears to have set like clay.

So, in the interests of avoiding to mathmaticians route ( working it out with a pencil ) and in the absence of a bucket an old tub. Would I be unreasonale to shove a newspaper underneath my poor, long suffering arse and squat ??

Isn't this sort of excitement usually reserved for POAS threads ?? Loggy is still at large sadly, i'm now heading for the bathroom to run a bath with a large tub of vaseline and a hand ready to massage areas it really shouldn't be seeing, will keep you all posted.

Get daaaahn the library. You will be running home to the loo within five minutes.

Glycerine suppository would have it out in two minutes.

Costs about 2.50 for box of twelve in superdrug.

It isn't going to come out unaided from the sounds of it.

Get as box or child's toilet step. sit on the toilet back straight feet on the box. Should help (yes it mimics the natural squatting position).

Find a photo of any of the men mentioned in the Jimmy Saville/newsnight threads to squat over and just do it......

Oh chuff it, i'm going to risk waddling up to the chemist at the top of the road, those glycerine things are worth a shot.

Have had trouble like you on a couple of occasions. The suppositories are definitely it. Take it and stay near the loo. I'm hoping it works likewise for you.

Good luck!

On the packet, it says the suppositories take an hour to work. No they don't. If you've got one ready for take-off you probably won't make it out of the bathroom before it presents itself.

Take your phone in with you! Or a decent mag not this month's Red which I only bought for the 20% off at Paperchase and White Company, and is otherwise total garbaggio

She'll probably get halfway down the road and have to rush back :o

Anything to avoid the dreaded Picolax!

have u tryed sweetcorn ....

What's worked for me is just reading this thread!

Marking my place

Piece of soap up the bum

little enemas are available at chemist - v effective, no probs as with suppository
intrigued by soap/shower gel up bum - might try that next time :)

Me too Julia, I've never heard the soap thing. Ideal 'trapped in hotel' tip.

I think OP has already named it Loggy, I suspect that's portentous and as it is her pooh, it's likely to stick.

I can't believe I came back to see if she's dropped it yet...

Just a sliver of soap, not a family sized bar.

Um, it won't stay in. Should I try superglue ?? Or criss cross with sellotape ?? My shit caked hole is obviously such a hell hole even something designed for the job doesn't want to be in there >

Garden cane cut it half, impale soap on it and slightly toast it over the grill until softened.

Then just sit on it for about 10 minutes.

Sit on the loo, thumb into fanjo and push down and forward.

This thread is having a laxative effect!