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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD - Running people home from work

45 replies

fourfingerkitkat · 29/10/2012 16:59

I started a new part-time temporary job a few weeks ago, been out of work for nearly 3 yrs so the money is badly needed. One night a week I work late along with another girl. We both live about 15 mins from work but in opposite directions if that makes sense. She previously got a lift home with someone else but last week this person left early ( and will be from now on) and she got a taxi home. I felt bad about this and thought I should have offered her a lift. Mentioned to my DH that I would be in late tonight as I'd offer her a lift and he said that unless I'm getting fuel for free I shouldn't be doing this but just coming straight home. To be fair he has a point, I have to watch exactly how much I'm using the car because of finances being so tight but at the same time I feel bad leaving this girl to get a taxi. I suppose if it was me I'd be hoping someone would offer me a lift. Am I being a silly ?

OP posts:
threesocksonathreeleggedwitch · 29/10/2012 17:01

I wouldn't offer some one a lift who lives in the opposite direction from me.
why should you feel bad, you pay for your car.
she pays for a taxi

HeinousHecate · 29/10/2012 17:03

No. you're being nice.

but will you be happy to commit to going half an hour out of your way every week for as long as you have your job for no petrol money.

Which is worst case scenario. Grin What if she says yes please and never gives you any money, and expects lifts every week?

If that's ok with you, then ask away.

If you feel you'd end up resenting it, then don't do it. Or offer and end with making it clear that you're happy to do it but you'd need petrol money every time.

GrimAndHumourless · 29/10/2012 17:03

yes, it's a nice thought but not your problem

you will be out of pocket, and for what? nice don't feed your kids

FuckityFuckFuck · 29/10/2012 17:03

Have you asked her if she wants a regular lift? If she does, then she could give you some petrol money every month. Would cover the costs for you and still be cheaper than a taxi for her

FireOverBabylon · 29/10/2012 17:03

I wouldn't feel obliged to drive her home if she lives in the opposite direction. Wait with her for the taxi, in your car if you've both got to get out of the building before the taxi arrives but don't offer her a lift.

Floralnomad · 29/10/2012 17:04

I wouldn't be giving her a lift if its the opposite direction . You're not responsible for her or her transport. The problem is once you start it's difficult to stop ,so don't start

yourheadonastick · 29/10/2012 17:04

If she was on your way home, then it would be a kind thing to offer her.

However you have to go out of your way, and spend extra money on fuel, and make yourself get home even later .

The other girl knows that without her own transport she will have to use a taxi or bus.

I am a softie though and would find it hard to say no. It 's probably easier to not get into the habit though inthe first place.

Pootles2010 · 29/10/2012 17:05

Think Fuckity is right - offer a lift share. It'll be much cheaper than her taxi to pay for your petrol.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 29/10/2012 17:05

I wouldn't start, as another poster said, unless you were prepared to do so every day you work late, for no money, for ever. As could well happen, and I've seen lots of threads on here saying "I've been going out of my way to give this person a lift forever for no thanks".

CajaDeLaMemoria · 29/10/2012 17:05

Seconded. My OH has started a new job and offered a few lifts to people to help them out. Today he has to come straight home because I need the car for a medical appointment, and the fall out has been immense. He did warn them last week that he wouldn't be able to do it today, and they understood but did say it was inconvenient that they couldn't have a lift - today they are saying he had all weekend to sort something else out.

I can't quite believe that people think they are more entitled to use my car (mine, not OH's, mine) more than I am - and I'm pretty upset because I've been paying the fuel, I pay the service, I pay everything.

She's 15 minutes in the wrong direction. That means not only does it cost you financially, but it costs you time at home too. Either let her get a taxi (she might get a deal if it's every day) or wait for her to offer you fuel money. That's the least she can do really.

GrimAndHumourless · 29/10/2012 17:06

god I must be a Tight Bitch Grin

you lot are much nicer'n me

Original poster
fourfingerkitkat · 29/10/2012 17:06

Dh will be happy that you're all agreeing with him ! I haven't offered, tbh I'm knackered at the end of my shift and just dying to get home and see the kids in bed.

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeyMother · 29/10/2012 17:06

Do not do this! My DH does not drive because all through out his life he has fallen upon these very friendly people who will drive him everywhere! I don't know how he does it either - He just manages to find them - He even admitted the other day that if he didn't get a lift so often he'd probably have learnt to drive!

It's her choice not to drive and I would say that if she is getting a taxi then its not pressure from money struggles (massive assumption)

Plus you're talking about half an hour - I just wouldn't start it.

Original poster
fourfingerkitkat · 29/10/2012 17:09

Chunky - that was exactly my DH's point, he said that we couldn't afford to get taxis here there and everywhere so if she can afford a taxi then she's probably better off than us !

OP posts:
onemorechoccybiccy · 29/10/2012 17:09

No, I wouldn't be offering her a lift.

If she didn't offer you any money last time then she won't be offering you any money going forward and you will feel resentful.

Don't feel guilty. Getting home is her problem. You've been out of work for three years - you can't afford to subsidise her.

[hard bitch smiley]

cocolepew · 29/10/2012 17:11

"He had all weekend to sort something out" Shock I'd never give them a lift again.

Whoknowswhocares · 29/10/2012 17:12

Her travel arrangements are not your problem. Although it is a kind thought, I subscribe to the concept of looking after your own family first and foremost.....and taking on additional driving when you are already knackered is def NOT a good idea.

lowercase · 29/10/2012 17:13

you could tell her your destination and ask her if you can drop her to a station or bus stop on your way?

may be quicker for her to go back a bit, get on the stop before if you know what i mean?

def do not go the opposite of your destination! nuts!

FuckityFuckFuck · 29/10/2012 17:17

'tbh I'm knackered at the end of my shift and just dying to get home and see the kids in bed.'

That's your answer there then really. You are nice to think of it, and if it would be no problem (with petrol money) then it would have been a nice thing to do BUT if you are knackered and want to go straight home then do that

gettingeasier · 29/10/2012 17:22

DONT DO IT OP !!!

As said earlier you see people on AIBU where they have started an arrangement like this only to find in no time at all either no money is forthcoming for petrol or just general piss taking occurs.

Call me a bitch but I would be wary of giving regular lifts to someone living opposite me after reading some of the stuff on here !

Everlong · 29/10/2012 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 29/10/2012 17:23

I wouldn't do it tbh.

Caja, I hope your dh never gives them a lift ever again. That is disgusting.

wheredidiputit · 29/10/2012 17:24

As others have said if she was going in the same direction then maybe, but not as you going out of your way.

CajaDeLaMemoria

I hope your dh told them they would be finding their own way home from now on.

RyleDup · 29/10/2012 17:26

I wouldn't offer. Not unless they were really stuck one day. But not a regular thing. No chance.

rachel700 · 29/10/2012 17:28

I used to run our secretary home to save her getting the bus. It wasn't so much saving her the fare as saving her waiting for a bus, esp in winter.

TBH it was slightly out of my way (I needed to go right along the motorway and to drop her off I had to leave the motorway and go about 2 miles into a village before returning to motorway).

I sort of ended up wishing I'd never offered because after a while it got on my nerves. Entirely my own fault, and a mistake you are making here.

Don't do it again!