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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM said im selfish. AIBU?

33 replies

girlylala0807 · 23/10/2012 11:44

I kive in a council property in a crap area of town. Some of you may remember threads about a small child saying she would kill my son and the fire brigade always being at on of the flats. So I was planning on moving to a private rent next year before ds goes to school so I could get him into a nicer one.

However, I am a single parent and I work part time. The thought of moving into a private rent at the moment scares me. I could use the money I would have to save for a deposit to update my flat. I could apply for an out of catchment school place which wont be to hard here. I would also like to have a full time job so I can pay towards my rent before I take on a huge increase. Lastly, I would like to save and take ds on a small holiday next year if we can afford it after 2 weddings and 2 hen weekends.

My mum went mad. She said im selfish and that I will just have to suck up living in a private rent even if it means I have to keep moving. Im on a list for a swap, Im going to join homeswappers and do anything else I can to move. I just dont want to go into a privare rental. AIBU?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 23/10/2012 11:47

If you can't afford it just yet, it's none of your mum's business.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 23/10/2012 11:47

Yanbu at all. If you're lucky enough to be in social housing, it's not a thing to give up lightly in these days.

Good luck with a swap.

notMarlene · 23/10/2012 11:47

YANBU

Sounds like a wise and well measured plan of action to me.

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 11:48

Council properties are like hen's teeth around here

I certainly wouldn't give it up for a private rent if I were you.

SoleSource · 23/10/2012 11:49

Yanbu go for it.

maybenow · 23/10/2012 11:50

Private rental can be really good, but I wouldn't do it unless you can have enough for a new deposit (six weeks rent) in the bank just in case you have to move again and pay a new deposit before getting your old one back. I don't agree with those who say private renting is terrible (i have had good experiences) but having that financial cushion is wise.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 23/10/2012 11:52

A little off the subject-but if you live in a 'not the best' type area, like me-you can apply for a 'better' school place, but they will probably be heavily over subscribed.

Just something to bear in mind whilst considering a move.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2012 11:52

I'd go for the out of catchment place first. Then get a full-time job. Then work on saving to move.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2012 11:53

If you don't get the place, I'd do whateve I could to move, including private rent.

jeee · 23/10/2012 11:54

I think you sound sensible. But are you using your mother as a sounding board to let out frustrations about your current living situation? If you're always telling her about the horrors of your estate, I can see why she thinks you should get out of there.

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 23/10/2012 11:54

The money I would have to save puts me off as well as the loss of security. I dont want to have to scrimp to get something thats not secure. I want to enjoy a bit of life as well. I will worry about the school if I need to. Maybe not in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
girlylala0807 · 23/10/2012 11:57

The estate is bad. However I mind my own business and ds is only 3 so he only has me to influence him at the moment. My mum hated the place before we even moved in. But yes I guess I need to stop saying anything anything to her.

OP posts:
amirah85 · 23/10/2012 11:58

Can u apply for re-housing?then u can bid again somewhere else,might take time but u could keep doing it just in case?

Orenishii · 23/10/2012 12:00

Some sort of step brothers in law of mine (complicated family connections) live in a council house. Actually - 3 brothers and one of them is married - so:

  • four childless adults
  • late twenties
  • all working full time in good jobs in the City and more than capable of paying private rent

sharing a three bedroom council house that was "inherited" from the their father as one of the sons was still living there when the father died. That is selfish.

Your situation is pretty much the opposite, and I hope the above brings perspective to your situation. You are not being selfish, your situation requires assistance right now. These sort of step brothers in law of mine - they do not require assistance. Maybe I've made it very black and white, but that's how I see it. They all earn as much as my DH and I do, and we mange to rent privately. You are a single parent working part time - it is no where near the same, and right now at this time in your life, you need help. You're definitely not selfish :)

pinkdelight · 23/10/2012 12:03

if money's tight, I would blow out the weddings and hen weekends. And to be honest, if I was in a crap part of town where kids were threatening my dc, I would do anything possible to get into a nicer area with a good chance of nicer kids at a nicer school. i'm not saying you're selfish, but it comes down to whether it's just fear that you can't afford it, or whether you actually cannot afford it. if it's the latter, fair enough, you're not being selfish and if your parents want to make up the difference so you can afford it, that'd be great. but if it's just that you'd rather stay put and have a bit of extra cash and go on hen weekends etc. Well, yeah, I'd feel like you were putting yourself first. But that's just my values.

Moominsarescary · 23/10/2012 12:03

I'd stay where you are for the time being, it might not be great and I know what it's like living in a bad area as I've done the same.

However taking on extra rent and having less security because of private renting also has it's hassles. Since giving up my ha house I've had to move 4 times in 6 years.

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 23/10/2012 12:08

See thats what worries me, having to move 4 times in 6 years which may happen.

OP posts:
MrsCantSayAnything · 23/10/2012 12:10

I wouldn't be going on hen weekends if my DC hadn't had a holiday. Perhaps that is what your Mum means?

expatinscotland · 23/10/2012 12:11

It is worrying, and a hassle. BUT, if you're working full-time and have enough to cover deposit and first month's rent and moving costs, IME it's better than life in a dangerous, crap area.

Been there, bought the tshirt. That's why we are staying put out here.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2012 12:12

And NO to the 2 weddings and hen weekends. Definitely! Holiday for my children always comes first.

pinkdelight · 23/10/2012 12:12

or having your flats burn down, which may happen.

sorry, can only go off the picture you've painted of your current home/area, but like i said, i'd be getting the hell out of there even if it meant scrimping for a bit.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/10/2012 12:12

If my child was being threatened and education was poor in the area then enjoying life and weddings wouldnt even cross my mind. I'd be doing everything i could to gain full time work to be able to move.

Staying because you want the nice extras in life does seem selfish. Yes private renting is not cast iron but i'd rather scrimp and move a few times then have my child grow up in a place that makes him scared and with little opportunities.

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 23/10/2012 12:14

Well ds is 3.5. His dad and exmil have taken him on holiday twice already this year. So he wont go without next year either, they have already said that. I can afford the weddings and hen weekends. I have been saving for them for the last 6 months and they are not till next year.

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 23/10/2012 12:17

The only worry for me would be when my DS got a bit older. You can't keep teenagers in, but that's a few years down the line for you isn't it?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 23/10/2012 12:17

If your ds is 3 then an application has to be made by January for a Nursery or Reception place for next September.

If I could rewind to when my ds1 was 3 I would have moved so he could get into the better school.

I didn't think it would be a problem getting him into a nice school.

It sounds like you have to choose between extra cash, little luxuries, security, and a crap area- or not so much security, less cash and a better area and school for ds?

I would move tbh.

But if you're doing your best then that is all you can do.