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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws at christmas

40 replies

muddledmamma · 22/10/2012 20:36

Something tells me I'm not alone on this one :)

Ok, here's the deal. I'm not a huge fan of the inlaws. I appreciate all their good qualities but ultimately we're just different. My m-i-l in particular is the tricky one.

We've always spent xmas together, usually they come to us early xmas afternoon. I really don't get to spend any time with my kids as I'm up to my neck in making xmas dinner but I can live with it because I get a lovely xmas morning with my family.

But we moved house! We're now a 2 hour drive away. I really don't want them coming on xmas eve. and I just KNOW they're going to want that. Am I unreasonable to say they should drive on xmas morning? They stay for at least 2 nights...

OP posts:
Nigglenaggle · 22/10/2012 20:39

I dont know them of course but I dont think so - the driving will be much better on Xmas morning as there will not be so much traffic and it means they can arrive and settle down with a nice glass of sherry and not have to worry about helping you in the kitchen. Being unreasonable would be sending them home early I think, when they have driven for a while.

wordfactory · 22/10/2012 20:39

My ILs don't come unless they can stay three nights!

They live an hour and a half away and don't get on with DH...

When I asked them to come on xmas morning they had a strop (despite the fact they could be here by ten am and could stay til 27th). Which suited me actually.

Yama · 22/10/2012 20:43

Agree with NiggleNaggle.

Original poster
muddledmamma · 22/10/2012 20:46

As I thought. Excellent. Thanks, mums! :)

OP posts:
ChickenFillet · 22/10/2012 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery · 22/10/2012 20:47

I'd ask them to come Xmas morning, yes it'll be much quieter and they can relax whilst you cook.
Failing that, tell them to enjoy their Xmas and you'll see them in the New Year Smile

orangefan · 22/10/2012 20:48

Lucky you chicken fillet. I get three days off over the whole christmas/new year period.
OP, YANBU.

2rebecca · 22/10/2012 20:51

As they are used to coming over mid afternoon i don't see that coming midmorning instead will make much difference. Different if they are used to being there for early morning present opening.

Kennyp · 22/10/2012 20:51

I am never doing turkey again ... This year doing loin of pork and cauliflower cheese with peas in it. All very stress free so colin farrell and george clooney could both turn up and have a fight over who gets me and i still wouldnt feel harassed.

So in answer to yr question l.ll. tell the ils to turn up christmas day. But ring them on their land line just as they are about to leave and have a massssssssssive chat with them and then they,ll be even later. Easter time, hopefully

Original poster
muddledmamma · 22/10/2012 20:56

Kennyp, that's some inspired thinking. 15 years agony and I can't believe I never thought of that. I am but a grasshopper.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 22/10/2012 20:56

I really hate people who think that they can dictate when they visit just because its Xmas!

Would you like to come for tea on Xmas day?

No, we want to be there for the whole day so we will get to you at about 10 am.

Er no, sorry! If you are invited for, say, 4pm then that is the time I am willing to host you. If you dont want to come then then fine, dont come. But you are not getting another invite for another time!

We laid the law down straight away about Xmases, and i was the ultimate bitch as far as my MIL was concerned because she had decided what was happening and refused to accept that anyone else should have a say. Only lasted on year though. We stuck to our guns (it was a joint decision, but she blamed me as he let me do all the talking Hmm ) and once she realised that we meant it, she was a lamb every Xmas after that!

freddiefrog · 22/10/2012 21:01

YANBU!

We invited MiL for Christmas day once. We were expecting her at about 10 but she was in the doorstep at 7am because she didn't want to miss stockings

7am!. The kids weren't even up (they like their beds and are lazy enough that even Santa can't drag them out)

Original poster
muddledmamma · 22/10/2012 21:03

lol I knew I wasn't alone. And I'm starting to think maybe they're not so bad after all...

Nah, but yeah, they are :)

OP posts:
Kennyp · 22/10/2012 21:09

What does the grasshopper bit mean?? dimwit alert is me

Original poster
muddledmamma · 22/10/2012 21:16

Hmm, this is where the muddled part of muddledmamma flies into action. Isn't it a line from Karate Kid or something? The old guy telling the young guy he has a lot to learn. Of course, 'old' really means 'wise' in that context!

OP posts:
Kennyp · 22/10/2012 21:18

Gerrit!!! Have never seen the k kid but i know what you mean!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/10/2012 21:20

Why not find a really nice restaurant that's one hour's drive for both of you and have Christmas dinner there?

LiegeAndLief · 22/10/2012 21:27

YABU. I have to have my MIL for a minimum of 4-5 days every Christmas and if I have to suffer then so should the rest of you Wink

Incidently I am not being unnecessarily cruel. She is completely insane. I could go on and on.

ILiveInAPineapple · 22/10/2012 21:53

We are supposed to be going over to my parents for Christmas dinner. We live 40 mins away. My grandparents will be there staying (in their 80s) as will my uncle (mum's brother, mid 50s). My mum has asked me at least once a week since August if I will be staying on Christmas eve, despite me telling her each time that we will have the morning at our own house and my DS can open his pressies, then we will head over to her house early afternoon in time for more pressies for DS and lunch/dinner, and we will stay overnight that night.

In years gone by when my in laws used to get on with us, we used to host both sets of parents from Christmas eve until boxing day, it was so stressful, but we didn't have DS. I hate not being able to lounge around in my pyjamas with my hair a mair and my mascara from the day before smeared over my face and no bra on in peace on Christmas morning.

It irritates me immensely that people seem to think they can dictate when they will visit just because it is Christmas day. I love having a relaxed Christmas morning, we had the whole of Christmas by ourselves last year and it was bliss (parents went on holiday), I enjoy going to spend time with them but I do want some time to just enjoy our little family as well.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 22/10/2012 21:56

I'm doing Christmas dinner on Christmas actual eve this year. Christmas day will be warm-up or cheese and biscuits and I will be enjoying the day with my hubby and kids with an unstressed head on. Beat that! Ha ha :)

PoshPenny · 22/10/2012 22:01

I think they are going to be your guests, so you tell them what time they should arrive and how long they can stay. Invent some long lost friends who are over from Australia and coming to stay on 27th, so they need to be gone by then.

I am truly lucky that both sets of parents are about 20 minutes drive away, so they have always come round for Xmas dinner (served about 3pm usually) and have always left that night. It does help I suppose that we don't have a spare room for them to stay in. It's lovely to see ones relations, but anything over 48 hours is very high risk usually.

ChickenFillet · 22/10/2012 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3LittleHens · 22/10/2012 22:03

I think you are soooooooo lucky they are keen. My inlaws don't give a shit and stay for as short a time as possible. I always have to make excuses/lie to my little boy about why we don't see them very much - i.e. they are 100 miles away etc etc. Can we swap?

MumofWombat · 23/10/2012 00:09

The last few Christmas's the inlaws have stayed for about two weeks over Christmas.....They are both on holiday then, and their idea of a relaxing time is to sit and watch what they want to watch on the tv all day, everyday. One day they watched 3 games of cricket, and the next day watched the repeats of two of them....
I almost committed murder.
And the year favoured BIL, favoured SIL and favoured grandchildren (4 of them) stayed over a week as well?
This year MIL is hosting Chritmas, we can only stay two nights (thank you DHs work schedule!), not really looking forward to those two nights (am pregnant so can't drink to dull the pain) but really looking forward to it just being us once we are home!

Bogeyface · 23/10/2012 00:34

mumof

You know you dont have to do this dont you?! Why on earth do you do it?

As the great MN phrase goes...

No is a complete sentence!

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