In-laws at christmas

[muddledmamma]

Something tells me I'm not alone on this one :)

Ok, here's the deal. I'm not a huge fan of the inlaws. I appreciate all their good qualities but ultimately we're just different. My m-i-l in particular is the tricky one.

We've always spent xmas together, usually they come to us early xmas afternoon. I really don't get to spend any time with my kids as I'm up to my neck in making xmas dinner but I can live with it because I get a lovely xmas morning with my family.

But we moved house! We're now a 2 hour drive away. I really don't want them coming on xmas eve. and I just KNOW they're going to want that. Am I unreasonable to say they should drive on xmas morning? They stay for at least 2 nights...

Ah Christmas with the in laws. I've already started stocking up on wine. I find an alcoholic haze is the best approach!

I find being a stroppy bitch that everyone hates and therefore avoids like the plague works better :o:o

My MIL is going home on the 27th December after a 20 week visit. I win

There's lots of entitlement stuff here! BILs family and PILs both used DHs house as a holiday home before I was on the scene, they never asked or told when they'd be coming. DH would realise from the car in the garage. And the temper tantrum from BIL when asked to give keys back (so I could have some when I emigrated!) was something else altogether. And now we have married and dared to have children so we don't have the spare rooms that has really put their noses out of joint.
They now ask to come and stay, and have had some training on the fact that this is our family home not their holiday home and whilst PIL are happy that DH is happy I think BIL/SIL would much rather things hadn't changed!
I have moved things on quite considerably in the 2 1/2 years I've been here. DS has helped - I've told them he's feral without a daily dose of ITNG, etc and old episodes of teletubbies really makes them move off of the sofa hehe!

No, I don't think it is unreasonable.

To the OP: do they go to church in the morning? It being Christmas Day and everything. That could be a consideration...

I think, when you have kids, the grandparents need to fit in with your plans. Since we moved in together my dh and I have spent Christmas morning with the in laws and Christmas afternoon with my parents. We used to get to the inlaws at 5am on some occasions (hubby's sister was 14 at the time and wanted everyone there when she woke up) and we would stay at my parents sleeping on their two giant sofas they have in the lounge. We now have a dd, who is 14 months, and have decided that we will continue to travel until she is of an age where she will want to stay at home.However, we get to mil's later and we do not stay at my parents. When she is a little older, the grandparents will be welcome to come in the afternoon after we have done present opening and such like but we will not travel. I know that this idea upsets MIL because she already struggles with the fact that we are not at her house all day, but, she has had 30 years of Christmasses at her home with her children, and when my dd gets to the age where she really understands what is going on, it is my turn to have that experience. YANBU at all.

Mosman and cherry [arrrrrrgggghhhh wailing not-at-all-smiling smiley] both saints. Cherry I would love to see their faces when you ask them where they will be staying once they have spent the 3 days (or week if you're feeling generous) that they are invited to stay with you and beyond which you don't have any space for them to stay

Op - I'd get in first and issue a 'Christmas as normal' invite. If they are used to coming at 3 then it still sounds the perfect time for them to arrive. Even if they stay overnight and go home the next day. You still get your nice morning! And if they try to say they will get you to change the time just do a breezy oh no thank you, especially as we've moved we want the continuity for the kids, want to keep Christmas as normal, makes it easy for you to travel to us and miss the Christmas traffic on the roads, etc etc, see you at 3.

And make sure you tell dh so he doesn't invite them earlier!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.com/imgres?q=david+carradine+kung+fu&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=lKu&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1525&bih=741&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=hCp_Bja-M53_DM:&imgrefurl=parallax-view.org/2009/06/04/interview-david-carradine/&docid=GKNXvVE2QF9fdM&imgurl=parallax-view.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/kung_fu.jpg&w=450&h=299&ei=Bj-GUK_gJcrLtAaki4HAAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1014&vpy=193&dur=1607&hovh=183&hovw=276&tx=81&ty=87&sig=117809274861365110405&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=209&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0,i:158" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ahhhh, Grasshopper

DH mentioned to me that his DM expects us round at B and SIL's at 10am Christmas morning to watch DN open her presents from all her GPs. (DHs family live with a few miles of each other. We don't.) My DH would do it (just because he never thinks he is 'allowed' to say no to anything), but I have said no. It is our first Christmas as a married couple, as I would like to have a special, 'mooching about in pjs with lots of gift giving' breakfast with my new husband before setting off on the 1.5 hour drive to the ILs. We will pop in to see DN and give her her gift independently. I will be blamed for upsetting family convention, and, to be fair, I AM upsetting family convention! But that is what happens when you enrich the mix with new additions, be they babies or partners with their own ideas about things. And the sun will rise again on Boxing Day...

Only since married have i encountered any sort of plans for xmas, with my siblings one who was married - she never had to pass anything by my mother about xmas - it was always casual - who was around was around.

no in laws to us were ever forced or given guilt trips for not wanting to come to our home!

i dont htink my dm ever thought it was her place to force her will on anyone or make anyone unhappy?