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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you regret anything

50 replies

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 10:34

Those of you with older DCs I'd like to ask if you regret anything you did or didn't do while they were younger.
Such as did you wish you hadn't worried so much or wish you'd made the most of the baby stage more.
I think you get the jist?

OP posts:

DawnOfTheDee · 22/10/2012 10:37

Well my DD is only 9mo but I do regret not going out/doing more when she was really little (less than 3mo say). All she did at that point was drank milk and slept but I didn't have the confidence I do now to really get out and about.

LST · 22/10/2012 10:38

I wished i would have gone to mother and baby groups when I was on may leave. And taken him swimming. He's nearly one and has never been

Kaluki · 22/10/2012 10:41

Where do I start ...
My biggest regret is worrying about stupid stuff (housework, washing, ironing etc) and not just sitting on the floor playing with them and enjoying them.
I always seemed to be in such a rush to get everything done and be the 'perfect' housewife that I feel like I missed out on so much. Now they are growing up so fast I wish I'd made the most of them when they were little.
And with DS1 I wish I could have relaxed more when he was a baby, I was so scared of doing it wrong, I didn't really enjoy it. I was better with DS2 but it wasn't the same as I had two and couldn't concentrate on him as much.

SugariceAndScary · 22/10/2012 11:14

My ds1 is 17. I had to go back to work when he was 4 months old and although he was happy at Nursery if I ever think back to those days I always feel a little sad that I missed out so much with him.

I didn't do the same with the next two.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 22/10/2012 11:16

I worked too much, I went back when my oldest was 6 weeks old, then when he was 5 I became a single parent, he is almost grown up now and I know (I have a second family), I missed so much of his life because I was always in work to support us.

I know I did what I had to, and he is absolutely fine, my regret is for me, second time around, I am broke, but I spend so much more time with the DCs.

Mrsjay · 22/10/2012 11:16

I wish I hadn't fussed over dd1 so much she is quite a nervy person I think i may have caused that but saying that she is getting better and more assertive than she used to be, I didn't worry and fuss so much over dd2 and she is much more confident in herself, that could just be their personalities though, I did have awful PND with dd1 so that probably didn't help my fussing over her,

Mrsjay · 22/10/2012 11:17

All she did at that point was drank milk and slept but I didn't have the confidence I do now to really get out and about.

That is all most 3 month olds do though,

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 11:19

Thank you everyone I am overcoming PND with DD1 and I really want to make the most of every second. She's 5 weeks and I already wish I'd made the most of the newborn really tiny days.
She's changing every second and it makes me sad.
I just wanted to know im not alone, oh gosh im getting all emotional now I must grab her for immediate snuggles!!

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 22/10/2012 11:22

aww Pickles ((hug)) I hope you are getting the support for your PND it is just horrible , and yes snuggle that baby pickle right not

izzywizzyisbizzy · 22/10/2012 11:25

Pickles, PND is horrible, but you have a whole lifetime in front of you, make the most of it, babymoon a lot, stay in bed with snacks and cuddles and movies, dont try to do everything or even anything, soon she will be more active, so you can relax and lay down with her now.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 11:26

I'm coming through the other side now, I've been very lucky with my support. I'm on the guilt thing ATM, the I must hold her immediately.
I actually went and snatched her back at a family gathering the other evening. I felt I was being rude but I was greeted with cheering from everyone- was luffly

OP posts:

Scaredbutdoingit · 22/10/2012 11:33

Aww Pickles77, 5 weeks is still teeny tiny! Its the absolutely perfect time to realise just how fragile and precious this time of her life is, and to enjoy it with her.

Bless you, 5 weeks is far too early for regrets already! She's not even written off the first page of her life. For what its worth, I think its wonderful and amazing that you are having a sense of deep appreciation now, because now is still happening. Your baby is tiny!

I'm really sorry about the PND, you sound lovely (and very aware) to me.

Badvoc · 22/10/2012 11:34

I most regret "Worrying about irrelevant shit...."
I spent a lot of my ds1s infancy worrying about everything...partially this was due to his health issues but even once I knew he was ok it continued.
I was dx with late inset pnd when he was 17 months old.
All I would say to you op is that children need food and love.
That's it.
Don't torture yourself with ideas of what you should be doing/feeling/coping etc.
I can barely recognise the woman who stood in her sons nursery sobbing because There were no clean socks to match his outfit that day :(
It was me, but it was me suffering from pnd. I.e it wasn't really me at all.
Time.
That's all you need. And you have a lifetime :)
X

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 11:36

Thanks everyone.
It really is the best job in the world.

Oh and I totally relate to the sock issue!!!

OP posts:

Badvoc · 22/10/2012 11:41

:)
Yeah...not my best hour ;)
My ds1 is now 9 (god, can't believe it!) and, despite lots of issues and trauma he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, cleverest boy and I am very proud of him.
The baby stage is so brief...I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it is.
You will be like me one day and sit and think..."now where did the last 6 years go?"

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 11:47

Hey ! Congratulations on your new baby pickle

Snuggle that pickle sounds like good advice to me

No regrets no - except maybe more photos and video of me and them together, and not just when I was breast-feeding ! Never be reticent about grabbing them back from well-meaning rellies if you want a cuddle BTW - You get first dibs !

MichaelaS · 22/10/2012 11:49

I regret being up, about and dressed too often in the early days. DS1 was in hospital for a long time after birth and when we got him home we weren't really allowed to take him out. In hindsight I wish I'd just stayed in bed snuggling him more. Why the hell did I feel the need to be presentable when we were staying in!?

Also I regret not finding out about baby cinema until DS2 was born. Now I can only go if it fits in with school runs. :-)

Things I do not regret include bf, cosleeping, dressing them in cute cute outfits including dressing them up, and ignoring all advice I didn't like especially my mothers Gina ford inspired offerings. I do not regret being the sort of parent I want to be! :-)

Good luck with the PND OP, you are still in v early days so no need to regret anything yet!

lubeybooby · 22/10/2012 11:50

My DD is 16 now

I wish I had kept more of a written record about her, and I wish I had been a SAHM

LadyInDisguise · 22/10/2012 11:51

I have no regret because I did the best I could in the circumstances I had. I don't even regret the PND and then the AND because the problems I've had with dc1 (Having a mum who is depressed for 20 months does have an impact...) means I was much more prepared to deal with dc2 (who is now been investigated for ASD).

I think it is easy to think back to those times when they were tiny and think 'Oh I wish I had done x or y'. The reality is that you were probably not in the position to do so (issue with money, PND, older siblings or just having a different outlook on what is important).

BTW, it doesn't mean that the time when I was depressed was easy! Nor was it easy when I ended up dealing with 2 dcs under 2, one of which was suffering from some sort of insecure attachment problems. But we got through it and when I look at my dcs now, I know that deep down they both knew they have been/are loved and have always been the most important people for me.

Whistlingwaves · 22/10/2012 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 22/10/2012 11:59

My eldest is 17 and I wish I'd encouraged him to clean his room more!
Ds2 is 9 and with both ds1&2 I wish I'd been in a position where I didn't have to work so much when they were young.

Ds3 is 19 months and I'm a sahm now and really enjoying it. I sometimes wish I'd had them closer together but due to circumstances it just didnt happen that way

diddl · 22/10/2012 11:59

Oh 5wks-congratulations.

My PFB was still in hospital (prem) at 5wks.

But we made up for lost cuddles when he came home.

I remember spending what seemed like hours just sitting & gazing in wonderment at him.

No regrets here-certainly not at the housework coming secong to baby & sleep!

KenLeeeeeee · 22/10/2012 12:00

DS1 is nearly 8yo, Ds2 is 6, DD is nearly 4 and DS3 is 5 months.

I regret not taking the older boys swimming more while I only had the two kids to worry about. I also wish I'd made more of an effort with baby groups so I had more 'mum' friends around me now.

Whistlingwaves · 22/10/2012 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 12:06

Hi Whistling - I was contemplating going for some biggies here too - I think it's the thread title ... not much hint that it's really about snuggles with newborns !

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