Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask if you regret anything

50 replies

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 10:34

Those of you with older DCs I'd like to ask if you regret anything you did or didn't do while they were younger.
Such as did you wish you hadn't worried so much or wish you'd made the most of the baby stage more.
I think you get the jist?

OP posts:

reallyboredatwork · 22/10/2012 12:29

Just echoing a few things here: I wish I hadn't fussed over my DD so much when she was at Primary School. But when DS came along when she was 9, I regret not giving her enough time. I regret working too hard, being stressed at my job and then snapping at my DCs when they didn't deserve it. My DH regrets me going back to work when DS was 18 months but now he regrets the loss of money when I give up my job in a few months.

A Mum always regrets things. What you need to remember is that you do the best you can in the situation you find yourself in at that particular time. Don't forget that when you look back retrospectively and say "I wish I had done it differently" you are looking back from a different place and you are not the same person today that you were months/years ago.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. I didn't come out of "the fog" until DS was about 3. He is the most beautiful boy now and his Headteacher says he is one of the most well-adjusted children she's ever met. I love him dearly but couldn't bear him as a baby.

Sh*t happens, but then you wipe it up, clean yourself up and move on.

Kaluki · 22/10/2012 13:05

One thing I regret which wasn't even my fault...
I wish exP hadn't buggered off and left me with them. I don't love him now or anything like that but I hate that DS2 never remembers having Mummy and Daddy living in the same house together. I still feel like I have let them down, even though he left - I should have tried harder to keep the family together.
That is a typical irrational guilt trip that only a mother can have!!!

izzywizzyisbizzy · 22/10/2012 13:43

Oh oh oh one piece of advice - I make a 100 page photobook every 6 months (groupon photobox offers are you friend)

All the electronic pictures I have of dc1 are lost and it's not happening again.

Olbasoil · 22/10/2012 14:02

I wish that I'd listened to my own instinct rather than the HV re Ds1
I wish that I'd put Ds2 in his own room at 6 weeks as I'd done with the others.... Would he had lived
I wish that I'd admitted I had PND with the twins and maybe I wouldn't feel the way I do about Dd
I seem to be ok with Ds 3 ... So far !

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 15:08

Dear Olbasoil - I don't know whether this could be any comfort to you at all but had to mention it ... on the SIDS thread there is a sad post about someone whose baby died of SIDS at 5 weeks old on their first night in their own room.
So perhaps it's just such a vulnerable age and difficult to know what to do for the best sleep-wise ? A so-called un-Mumsnetty hug to you (though I reckon I see hugs everywhere here !)

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 15:12

Oh damn, I was forgetting about the OP there for a moment and I've probably made her all worried now Apologies

Spuddybean · 22/10/2012 15:19

Pickles - My DS is also 5 weeks old and i already feel i have missed out on things. I regret the birth terribly, i wish i had done things very differently. I regret how bfing has gone - not well, and he now seems to hate my boob (can only feed from one) so i am expressing to feed him from a bottle. I regret trying to trim his nail yesterday and cutting his finger and making him scream and bleed - both of us were sobbing. Oh dear, i'm crying again now. Sorry, no help i know.

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 15:29

I'm sorry to hear the nail cutting didn't go well yesterday Spuddy - but I'm sure you and he probably won't even remember it in a little while - he's almost certainly forgotten it already.

I started to regret things in the first 5 minutes after DD was born. She cried a lot whilst DH held her but I couldn't as I had to do the slightly yucky placenta delivery (3rd stage) bit. Then they put her in some cold, hard scales to weigh her and she screamed the place down (don't blame her !) I regretted not rescuing her from the scales and getting her cosily snuggled up on the boob earlier, because she was fine then. I think I wanted everything to be perfect for her and for me, and I guess we both found out in those 5 minutes that life and motherhood just isn't like that

apprenticeboy · 22/10/2012 15:35

I don't regret going back to work at all.
I regret not having a 3rd child
I wished I had mixed fed sooner with DS1 and not taken the HV word as gospel.

I wish I had DS Chistened sooner than I did.
I am glad I made the effort with my appearance and made sure that I carried on doing all the things that I would normall do such as waxing, highlights etc even though it felt like an effort sometimes. I am glad that I made the effort to lose the baby weight sooner than later.

I am glad that I took hundreds of photos of them - and still do! They are all on a slide shoe on the computer that I love looking at

I am glad we got up and went out nearly every weekend and went somewhere different - even if it was to a park or lake for an explore.

I regret not sending the boys to private education.

I was glad when I cut down on after school activities.

I haven't got to many regrets. I'm certainly not perfect but have a happy family and we laugh and enjoy hobbies together now that they are older.

jen127 · 22/10/2012 15:36

I regret going back to work when he was only 12 weeks old - I had PND and I am sure this didn't help!
I regret not going back to bed as I was shattered when DH was a SAHD.
I regret missing all the special times as he was in creche and I worked fulltime. He had the best time though and never missed out !

Wheresmypopcorn · 22/10/2012 15:42

Yes, I do regret not being able to take my baby out much when she was in the first few weeks of life. She was sick and I feel like I missed out on showing her off. I also could not have one of those first 10 day old pictures taken as she was screaming in pain, not all in a sleep phase like she was meant to be.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2012 15:46

I wish I'd told my FIL that he was being offensive when he implied I fed Twin 2 more often. I wish I'd watched more educational DVDs when I was feeding. Seems like I never have time for TV now!

I wish I'd put a plastic mat under the high chairs.

DawnOfTheDee · 22/10/2012 15:51

MrsJay I know that's what most babies do at that stage! My point is that they are so easy and transportable then I really wished I gone out more....to the shops, into town, to a cafe for lunch or coffee, anything! But because I wasn't as confident I stayed in a lot and was really nervous going anywhere.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 16:10

You lot really made me feel great! You all have words of wisdom and I know I will regret things but I won't be alone. You've also somehow made me want dc2,3 & 4.

Oh gosh no you haven't made me paranoid, im already paranoid. I have been baking with DD in the kitchen in her swing teaching her the merits of radio 2

OP posts:

JugglingWithPossibilities · 22/10/2012 16:14

Ahh, baking and radio 2 with dd in her swing sounds like you're doing great !

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 16:21

I only baked because now I can sit on my backside whilst snuggling and ramming it all in said cakehole.
Now if I could get the dog to work the kettle and make the tea life could be perfect!!

OP posts:

CailinDana · 22/10/2012 16:24

No regrets so far :) DS is only 23 months though, so plenty of time yet!

Olbasoil · 22/10/2012 17:17

I'll tell you what I don't regret.....
Fighting tooth and nail for a statement for ds1
Playing Lego, play mobile and make believe ( with the children , I'm not that sad !!)
Going on holiday to caravan parks so they can play all day on the beach
Barbecues for breakfast and junk food for dinner because we want too
Playing aeroplanes with baby ds at 2.30 this morning because it makes him laugh like anything
Camping in the garden in the snow with ds 3 because know one ever lets him do anything really dangerous !!
In other words concentrate on the fun times and moan on here when it all goes wrong.

maddening · 22/10/2012 17:33

Not keeping a journal ( am starting one now ) photos, describing things we did together and keepsakes.

Not getting out and about when he was teensy but it was Jan- march so the cold weather was a good excuse.

I am glad we did mummy and baby groups, went visiting friends andvto farms etc.

Am glad I took voluntary redundancy as have an extra year with ds

Wish I'd exercised etc more over the last 21 mths

izzywizzyisbizzy · 22/10/2012 17:48

I make Facebook statuses of everything wr do, anecdotes and funny things the DCs say - then I use the timeline to go back and check and add into the photo books as texts - if we go to things that are reviewed on web (like ice age live) I copy and paste the review into the photo books

Each photo book I do gets a little bit better

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 18:00

I love these book ideas.
It's sad in a way, technology has taken over I can't remember the last time I looked at a photo album.
Now you just go to the computer. My Facebook is full of DD

OP posts:

highlandcoo · 22/10/2012 18:16

I regret not writing down the funny things they said when they were tiny. You think you'll remember but 20 years later you don't. I can't even recall DC3's first words now

I regret not training them up better to help around the house. DC1 and DC2 were close in age and it was easier to stick them in front of the TV leave them to play and do everything myself rather than encourage them to join in. Whereas DC3, who came along later, loved pottering around with me, sorting out the washing basket, peeling veg, etc and could put away a whole family grocery shop in the right places by the age of four. He's still brilliantly helpful

Coffeeformeplease · 22/10/2012 18:16

Pickles, 5 weeks is nothing! I lost a lot more time with one of my children due to PND. And she's absolutely fine! I can't regret what I couldn't change at the time.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 22/10/2012 19:05

You can train them to help around the house??
I'm on it!!!!

OP posts:

izzywizzyisbizzy · 22/10/2012 19:37

pickles it's the main function of my fb - have the App on my phone - so if something funny happens - I whack it straight on and then when I do each photo book, I can just trawl through FB

I photograph drawings - I will school reports etc when they start coming and they will all go into the photobook for that 6 months - I'm hoping the DCs will love them when they are older.

I also do a separate one if we do something special go on holiday, etc, like when we went to disneyland.

A 100 page photobook on Groupon usually costs circ £30 with postage - and I think it's worth every penny.

Flip

1 2