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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at MIL for ignoring my repeated request..

50 replies

WhoWillDoMyHoovering · 19/10/2012 18:53

Was a while back now but it is still bothering me....

Over a particularly hot sunny weekend at the end of summer (yes, there was one!) we went to visit MIL with 5mo DD. She had prepared a bbq for my DH to cook and expected us all to sit in the garden. So far so good. On arrival I handed over DD for cuddles with granny and mentioned to MIL to please keep her out of the [hot, direct] afternoon sun.

I have very fair skin and DH is quite pale himself although he tans, I burn! So MIL takes DD off me and holds her up, talking to her, right in the sun.

I let this go for a few minutes, thinking, a few minutes there's no harm, she's excited etc. When she continued to do this, I mentioned it again by suggesting we put something over her head. (I had forgotten her sunhat, my bad.) I put a muslin over, which she let fall off, and continued to hold DD in the sun. The whole story went on for about 1/2 hr in which I ended up asking FIVE TIMES for her to be kept in the shade.

WIBU to be Shock Hmm Angry or was there something going on here that I was missing? I'm so worried that at some point in the future she may want to take DD out for a day and my trust in her is completely out of the window!

OP posts:
ThreeWheelsGood · 19/10/2012 18:56

YABU - we all need vitamin d, many of us in the UK are deficient, some time in direct sunlight probably did your child good. Kids seem to be covered up all the time these days!

ToothbrushThief · 19/10/2012 18:57

I'd be upset as well. 30 mins in strong sun is not good for babies

FredFredGeorge · 19/10/2012 18:58

Did DD get burnt?

AitchDee · 19/10/2012 18:59

Did she burn? If not, it can't have been too sunny.

Marzipanface · 19/10/2012 18:59

Some people really don't take sunburn or sunstroke in fair skinned children seriously. My DD is very fair and blond and doesn't tan. I put suncream on her even on sunny cold days.

As for your MIL, if she is taking her out on her own on a sunny day, slap on the really high factor sun cream before DD goes to Granny and make sure she wears her hat. She should be protected reasonably well like this.

Factor 50 all over etc.

CatsRule · 19/10/2012 18:59

Yanbu but in my experience grannies...not all as my mum wouldn't...are too concerned with their own wants and needs re grandchildren instead of being concerned about the childs needs i.e. being out of the sun or shock horror acrually wanting his/her mum and not gran!!

Sorry I'm not being constructive but I have a very jealous, selfish, overbearing and power hungry mil...her own son my dh is the first to pull her up on it thankfully!

3monkeys3 · 19/10/2012 19:00

I don't think half an hour is a big deal. As long as she had factor 50 on (which based on your post I assume she did), it really would have been ok.

MyLastDuchess · 19/10/2012 19:00

I don't think YABU. I am also very pale (though I tan) and am perfectly designed to get my vitamin D even in unsunny places. If your child has your fair skin (my DS has mine) then you know more about caring for it than other people in your family would. My in-laws think I'm too fussy but I don't care, I've had a melanoma removed and don't want the same for my son.

EvilTwins · 19/10/2012 19:00

YABU to be posting about this several months after it happened. Why are you still brooding about it?

missymoomoomee · 19/10/2012 19:01

You were sitting right there, if you were that concerned then why didn't you take your DD off her and put her in the shade yourself? I assume she had suncream on, and appropriate clothing, and didn't burn anyway. Are you a teeny little bit PFB?

monsterchild · 19/10/2012 19:01

Did your DD have a sunburn after that?

I think it's bad that your MIL wasn't listening about a very basic thing most people consider with babies!

did you MIL give any explanation or respond to you at all, or just ignore you completely?

mutny · 19/10/2012 19:12

Yabu. I really think you would have pointed out in your OP that your baby was burnt.

It was months ago. Let it go.

Original poster
WhoWillDoMyHoovering · 19/10/2012 19:19

Thanks for all your responses!

Agree with ThreeWheelsGood we need our Vit D, but as MyLastDuchess mentions, with very pale skin we can get it even with only a little sunshine. (MyLastDuchess hope all is now well with that, my mother also.)

FredFredGeorge & monsterchild & missymoomoomee no, she didn't get burnt as I persisted with my comments and eventually we had cuddles in the shade! It was the no response from MIL, that she just seemed to not hear me, that was also why it was a bit bizarre.... maybe what CatsRule said :-)

EvilTwins, yes I thought I'd get pulled up for that. I am brooding because another visit is due and I'm wondering how to handle any future 'issues'!

And to everyone who mentions the sun tan lotion - MY FAULT entirely as I was still getting to grips with all baby things, she didn't have any on - and hence my deeper concern.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/10/2012 19:22

The test is not whether DD got sun burnt FGS. Once that has happened it is too late. I am fair, so is DD and I never have her out in full sun. High strength sunscreen is not something I put on my

missymoomoomee · 19/10/2012 19:27

So - You had no sunhat for her

  • You had no suncream on her
  • You knew you would be outdoors in the sun
  • You were sitting right there and could have taken the baby at any stage

And you don't trust your MIL with her .... Confused

Laquitar · 19/10/2012 19:31

YABU because it is October!

You have 9-10 months until next summer. If we have any summer.

spondulix · 19/10/2012 19:33

YANBU. I'm from a land down under and I'm paranoid about the sun. I never sit in the direct sun myself and no way would I let teeny DD get exposed to prolonged direct sunlight.

LindyHemming · 19/10/2012 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainVonTrapp · 19/10/2012 19:40

Five months old?!

Half an hour in the midday sun is too much for a fair skinned baby.

Sun screen is also not ideal - the shade is best. (ffs we are told not to use any products on babies unless really necessary)

Five year old - no problem of course we need our vit D.

Sounds like your MIL doesn't share my view (or yours). I would probably say "dd needs to go in the shade, shall I take her, I don't mind sitting in the shade" and be ready to come back with "I don't want to see how long it takes her to burn"

apostropheuse · 19/10/2012 19:42

Hmmm well you really should have had a hat for the baby and sunscreen on her as you knew were going outside. However, since you didn't, then you should just have taken her indoors.

I'm not one of those grannies that catsrule mentioned - you know, the ones who put their needs before a grandchild's - like her MIL [hmmm].

BlueSkySinking · 19/10/2012 19:42

The recommendation is 30 mins only in cool and very late afternoon sun for vitamin D

usualsuspect3 · 19/10/2012 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WhoWillDoMyHoovering · 19/10/2012 19:48

Thankyou MrsT-P & spondulix for reminding me it is actually serious! And despite worrying about being a bit precious, IMO it's worth being precious over.

missymoomoomee not quite, no! We had no sunhat because when we set out it was a normal overcast "typical UK" summers day; the BBQ was a surprise change of plan because the weather had cheered up. We don't see them very often so didn't want to hand over DD then appear to snatch her back so thought that a gentle hint would be more appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoWillDoMyHoovering · 19/10/2012 19:57

CaptainVonTrapp that's practically the same words I used! Fiiiiiive tiiiimes.....increasingly slowly and loudly.

I know there are some lovely grannies out there, you're not all like that! Smile

OK I put my hands up to all the criticisms that I should have had a sunhat for her, will carry one everywhere next summer .

And I get it that I shouldn't be going on about this NOW, so much later Blush.

OP posts:
ToothbrushThief · 19/10/2012 20:48

I think the issue is not the event but the worry that your MIL completely ignored your concerns. That would be upsetting for me.

Different generations have different standards of safety. I never wore sun cream as a child. I also sat in cars without belts....and played in the road, walked home alone and hadn't heard of porn or drugs.

If I cared for my grandchild and took the view that today has same issues as when I was a child I would be negligent. I now burn. Sun is stronger. I always wear a belt and so do my DC. My DC do walk alone but drugs and porn are spam they get in their email accounts... We have parent safety stuff on the PC for just those reasons.

You want to know your MIL will respect your parenting, not least because things have changed