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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my DH.....?

40 replies

recall · 17/10/2012 21:10

He has had a nasty cough for a couple of weeks, the whole family has had the sniffles etc, but his cough has been particularly bad. He is improving now,but has a lingering dry tickle cough.

I just went upstairs to talk to him, and he was playing on his i phone, we started talking about something, and he put the i phone in his lap whilst we talked. I was in the middle of a sentence, and he suddenly had a coughing fit. I waited for him to finish, so it went quiet, an he picked up his i phone and continued playing the game.

I said that he was rude and ill mannered to have interrupted me with the coughing.

He said that he couldn't fg help it,

I said that he ought to have finished the coughing, and then apologised for interrupting, and/or ask me to continue...

If I began coughing in the middle of someone talking, once I had recovered, I would say " sorry about that, you were saying....?"

Likewise, (for example) if I am in a conversation, and my children interrupt and need attention, once I have dealt with them, I return to the point in the conversation, and attempt to continue

AIBU to be offended by my DH ? Or am I being a bitch ?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 17/10/2012 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caeleth · 17/10/2012 21:21

I'm a little on the fence. In the situation, i'd do the same as you if i was the one coughing, but if i were the one talking i'd wait for the fit to end and then continue on without expexting or waiting for an apology really..

So yabu to tell him his coughing was rude and illmannered since he really can't help it. Yanbu to consider him rude and illmannered to go back tp iphone instead of picking up the conversation.

piratecat · 17/10/2012 21:24

i don't really get it.

so i can't say.

McKayz · 17/10/2012 21:30

Maybe he thought you had finished. But I think yabu. He can't help coughing

GhostofMammaTJ · 17/10/2012 21:32

Don't over do the sympathy whatever you do. Hmm

mayorquimby · 17/10/2012 21:36

Completely unreasonable and precious.
Your husband did nothing wrong

Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 21:37

Sympathy ??? It is the wife who suffers from her husband's man flu...

OP posts:
McKayz · 17/10/2012 21:38

I very much doubt he's being ill to piss you off.

AgentZigzag · 17/10/2012 21:39

What Natasha said, so YANBU.

Kewcumber · 17/10/2012 21:39

is this a reverse AIBU? Confused

Your dear husband has a nasty cough and coughed when you speaking to him and your main concern is that he didn't apologise for interrupting you with his cough Confused

he wasn't coughing deliberately or sarcastically? Confused

RubyFakeNails · 17/10/2012 21:39

yabu, stop being so petty.

Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 21:41

kewcumber But shouldn't he have attempted to continue the conversation where it left off ?

OP posts:
Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 21:43

Cos from my point of view i was talking, and he coughed in the middle and didn't try and find out what I was trying to say. AIBU thinking that that is rude ?

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 17/10/2012 21:45

Maybe he thought you'd finished or if his coughing was bad he'd totally forgotten what had been said - I've done it myself.

If he's generally rude then he was probably being rude. If he isn't generally rude then he probably wasn't, cut him some slack.

pointyfangs · 17/10/2012 21:46

I think he should leave the b....

RubyFakeNails · 17/10/2012 21:47

Maybe he feels like shit, you know just having had a coughing fit and doesn't want to talk to you, maybe as you instigated the conversation he was expecting you to continue it.

Yes if dealing with an outside conversation he could have followed the standard of apologising, but really? Really?

This is seriously what you bicker about with your husband?

How long have you been married?

AgentZigzag · 17/10/2012 21:51

Hahaha at Ruby insinuating from that small OP that your marriage must be in trouble if you expect a basic level of politeness from your DH recall Grin

Does your DP treat you with less respect than he does with 'outside conversations' Ruby?

If you don't mind that, fair enough, but most people aren't rude just because they live with the other person.

DesperatelySeekingPerfection · 17/10/2012 21:57

How bizarre. Blimey.

Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 22:03

Been married 20 years. Its not that I require an apology so much, more that I feel humiliated having a conversation cut off mid flow. Fair enough, he had to cough, but it was only for a few seconds. Did he forget that I was in the room because he had to expectorate ? I must be a boring bastard !

OP posts:
diddl · 17/10/2012 22:07

The coughing he couldn´t help-but picking up the phone when you were obviously(?) waiting to finish what you were saying was.

Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 22:19

In my nurse training years ago, we had to do a role play type thing about communication skills etc.

We were told to talk to someone for 3 minutes, and the other person had to purposefully be distracted and show they weren't listening. (think they were teaching us empathy etc ) Ever since, I have been really aware of whether or not people are engaged in a conversation, and when they aren't it makes me cringe.

I clearly have expectations of DH, and IABU.

OP posts:
SecretCervix · 17/10/2012 22:23

YABU. A real bitch tbh. Poor bastard got told off for coughing!!!

AgentZigzag · 17/10/2012 22:27

You're right, after 20 years you should have zero expectations of engaging in conversation in a reasonable way with your DH.

I've always hated being brushed off like that, but I've got to know someone recently who cuts you off mid sentence to start talking to someone else about something totally unrelated. I might very well be boring them to tears (even though I'm answering something they've just asked me!) but they could at least try to pretend they're listening.

RubyFakeNails · 17/10/2012 22:30

FFS Agent I'm not insinuating anything, If I think her marriage is in trouble I will just say. Fuck you and your condescending Grin , its actually nothing to do with DHs behaviour, its to do with mine.

I just find it so entirely bizarre that for someone you live with and are married to, who is ill, you can't cut him a bit of slack. When I'm ill I will quite gladly tell DH to fuck off and leave me be, I'd be outraged if he started complaining I was rude after having a coughing fit. I also just can't understand why you would bicker with someone you love and live with over something so insignificant.

That is why I'm asking if they've been married long, because maybe OP just hadn't got used to the way couples can just have a sort of shorthand and cut the crap. But apparently their relationship is different to all the long-term relationships I've ever seen. Thats Ops choice.

Original poster
recall · 17/10/2012 22:36

The thing is, if he was at work, in a meeting with colleagues, I would hope that he would return to the conversation following the cough, not just start doing something else. So what differentiates me from the colleagues ? (that was an example ) or anyone else ?

I will add that he has done this for 20 years, and he sniffs loudly during conversations too. On the other hand, I eat crisps very loudly (apparently )and I eat the middle bit of the cheese first which drives him potty. I also hold my spoon wrong when I eat a yogurt and I nose breath also.

OP posts: