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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't be the one moving.

45 replies

advance01 · 16/10/2012 15:10

So we have an almost 4 week old dd. I am breastfeeding and therefore doing all night feeds. Makes perfect sense as dh works long hours with long commute.
initially he slept in spare room but futon not very comfortable so back in bedroom.
Last night was a particularly bad night to dh asked me to take baby out as she was disturbing his sleep.
AIBU to think he should be one moving.

OP posts:
flyoverthegoldenhill · 16/10/2012 15:11

I'd give him a choice - he can sleeps where he likes as longs as he breastfeeds the baby.

bigpantspam · 16/10/2012 15:13

!!!!!!

Of course he should be the one moving. He has another option after all!

ClippedPhoenix · 16/10/2012 15:13

I don't know here OP to be fair as you said the futon is uncomfortable.

Can't you invest in a mattress topper which makes practically anything comfortable? I have one on my sofa bed and it's excellent.

Then maybe take it in turns to sleep in the other room.

Chopstheduck · 16/10/2012 15:13

Is it the baby waking or your feeding waking him?

When the dts were tiny, I left the room to feed them sometimes so that dh could sleep. I wouldn't have slept elsewhere all night though!

GhostShip · 16/10/2012 15:15

For now, I would take the baby out personally. But I think you should maybe look to getting something more comfortable in the spare room

5madthings · 16/10/2012 15:19

If he wants to sleep and not be disturbed he can move! And he can buy a new mattress etc for the futon if its that uncomfortable.

Why should you get the broken sleep AND the crappy bed?! He can either put up with a bit of disturbance or go sleep elsewhere!

Original poster
advance01 · 17/10/2012 00:30

Think compromise is going downstairs to feed. Although not a perfect solution as dd takes a while to settle.
Certainly don't think I should go to spare room as suggested.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesAutumn · 17/10/2012 00:37

Ha ha ha ha ha - not a bloody chance! The short amount of time you are getting to lie down and sleep you need to be comfy. Get the spare room sorted, but it's all his if he can't sleep due to his 4 week old daughter needing attention.

RyleDup · 17/10/2012 00:47

No, he should move. But I'd consider getting a mattress topper for dh to sleep on as well.

MrsBungleBear · 17/10/2012 00:56

I breast fed both of mine and no way would I have gotten up and gone down stairs. Christ I just lifted baby from basket, fed and hoped to god they'd go back down again quickly so I could go back to sleep.

I had a really low level light and tried to be quiet.

You deserve sleep too. If he can't sleep through it then he can move. Why.should you uproot with baby?! Breast feeding through the night is hard enough without getting up, wand.ering about etc

bragmatic · 17/10/2012 04:17

Separate rooms sometimes make sense when you bring tiny babies into the mix. Everyone needs a comfy bed though.

Inertia · 17/10/2012 07:00

Yanbu. He should move,so that there is minimal disturbance to the baby.

He could buy a new bed for the spare room.

Pastabee · 17/10/2012 07:07

I'm with mrsbunglebear. No way was I getting out of bed when I was BF in the night.

Alligatorpie · 17/10/2012 07:10

Nope, don't move. If he wants to, he can.

AThingInYourLife · 17/10/2012 07:17

He should move, if anyone.

And he should be making whatever arrangements need to be made to make the spare room comfy.

How do you feel about being married to a man who would kick his wife and newborn baby out of their bedroom to protect his sleep?

He sounds like a selfish shit.

AThingInYourLife · 17/10/2012 07:20

Oh, and don't be going downstairs to do feeds.

Feed where you are warm and comfortable.

You are being disturbed several times a night every night.

You matter too (what with just having a new baby and all).

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/10/2012 07:49

It doesn't make a huge difference which one of you moves if the one that doesn't get the bed is going to be uncomfortable. You both need to sort something out so that there is a comfortable alternative to the main bed, there is a good chance it will be needed for long enough to make it worthwhile.

AThingInYourLife · 17/10/2012 08:15

Of course it makes a difference.

Even a decent chauvinist wouldn't put his wife out if bed so he could have the comfortable bed alone.

If he wants to abandon the marital bed to make sure he isn't disturbed by the arrival of his new baby, then it is up to him to organise the spare room to his liking.

And be very careful if where this is going, OP.

First it's that he needs to sleep elsewhere so you deal with nights all alone so he can sleep.

Now it's that he is so much more important than you that he should have both the comfortable bed and the full night of undisturbed sleep.

Are you spending your maternity leave doing all the housework too since "it makes sense"?

Stamp this one out quick smart.

How ungallant to ask your sleep-deprived wife to take a bed you find uncomfortable.

My grandfathers would have been ashamed of such behaviour.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/10/2012 09:52

I don't think it makes a difference. They are a couple, they are on the same team. Not in a competition with one another over who gets the most comfortable nights sleep. It will benefit both of them if there is a comfortable alternative place to sleep, because they will probably both want uninterrupted sleep in the main bed at some point, which means that the parent whose turn it is to take the baby should be as comfortable as possible.

SJisontheway · 17/10/2012 09:58

No way should you move. He has a new born and expects unbroken sleep and th comfy bed. Not a chance. Don't go anywhere. I'm shocked he even suggested it

aldiwhore · 17/10/2012 10:30

You need to dump the futon and buy something comfortable, as comfortable as your own bed. Then your DH can stay in the spare room during the week.

As an adult, he can probably cope with the new routine better than a breastfed baby can. I know my own sons only went straight back down after a night feed if the light and sound was low, they were still warm and didn't have chance to wake up properly. Whereas I could happily go back to sleep after a disturbance.

I do feel for your DH as well though, he works hard with a long communte and needs a decent night's sleep too. Buy a new bed just for him!

IWipeArses · 17/10/2012 10:34

Outraged, it's a breastfed baby, it's always the mother's turn to take the baby.

Nicknamenotavailableeither · 17/10/2012 10:36

He should be the one moving!!! What an arse! He doesn't seem to be appreciating the effort you are putting in if he thinks you should move. Grrrrr....

Gentleness · 17/10/2012 10:37

If he wants to sleep alone, he has to make that happen himself. Presumably he isn't incompetent, so he could even order a mattress topper, all on his own.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/10/2012 10:39

Really? I ebf'ed my two until 9/10 months, and I can remember plenty of times where I got to sleep for longer in my own bed while exdp had a lie down with the babies in the spare room. I also remember sleeping with the babies in the spare room myself because exdp was in the main bed. It was beneficial for both of us to have a comfortable alternative to the main bed.