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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH should either

36 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/10/2012 14:50

agree to us getting a cleaner, or do a bit of housework during the week, so that we I don't spend all weekend doing it?

DH works from home and says he doesn't want someone in cleaning while he is working. But he also refuses to do any housework at all while he is at home. Don't get me wrong - I know that he is working, but it would be really useful if he could shove a load of washing on while waiting for the kettle to boil, or push a hoover round the hall and put the rubbish out. He says that he is working, not doing housework, and that is that.

I work from home on the odd occasion he is away and get a huge amount done (both work and housework). The house is clean, tidy, the washing is done, and I don't have to spend all weekend trying to sort out the shit pit.

AIBU to whine at him a bit more about this?

OP posts:
CookieRookie · 06/10/2012 14:53

He'll soon agree when he runs out of clean underwear! Down tools I say.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost · 06/10/2012 14:53

Yanbu! Give him a list of things that nerd doing and tell him if he's not doing half then he has to agree to outsource it

MissVerinder · 06/10/2012 14:54

Does he do a set working day?

If so, get a cleaner for evenings/ weekends if you can.

Original poster
MrsSchadenfreude · 06/10/2012 14:56

He is also very good complaining about the state of the house. Grin

He has bought some Very Expensive Underwear and has given instructions that it Cannot Be Washed With Anything Else. So it is still languishing at the bottom of the laundry basket.

OP posts:
DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost · 06/10/2012 15:02

I'd be telling him to fuck off then Grin.

I have terrible trouble getting DH to do anything, but then he genuinely doesn't notice clutter and dirt.

So we have a cleaner, and his shirts go back into the wardrobe unironed so I don't have to look at them for 2 weeks.

If he's not willing to pick up the Hoover but criticises the house then he's being very unreasonable...

Numberlock · 06/10/2012 15:04

Does he do housework in the evenings or weekends?

skateboarder · 06/10/2012 15:10

Definately down tools.

Numberlock · 06/10/2012 15:11

What the hell is it with all these threads at the moment about bone idle useless menchildren?

Thank Christ I've only get myself to rely on.

jennycrofter · 06/10/2012 15:14

What DameFanny said. Grin

If he has time to go to the loo, or make himself a cup of coffee, he has time to put in a load of washing.

DH works from home most days. He works 5-7 days a week, and 10-14 hour days. It doesn't stop him loading the washing machine, or dishwasher, or ironing the DCs school uniform while they're getting ready for bed.

OP, your DH needs to pull his finger out. You could just put his expensive underwear back in the drawer dirty...

tethersend · 06/10/2012 15:22

It's fine for him not to do any housework during the week. He can do it at the weekend.

StuntGirl · 06/10/2012 15:23

Why not both do it together on an evening/weekend so it gets done and you're both doing the same work?

StuntNun · 06/10/2012 15:29

Remember some people find it difficult to multitask so what seems obvious and easy to you may not be possible for a man your DH. I have drawn up a list of things that need to be done each day so my DH can look at that if he has a spare minute. It's really basic - make bed, empty dishwasher, get something out for dinner, do a load of laundry, get kids to do their homework, etc. The idea came from Flylady.net and gives me my bare minimum housework required to get to the next day.

nickeldaisical · 06/10/2012 15:30

if he works with a computer, then he should (by HSE recommendations) have 5 minutes every hour away from the screen.
That's plenty of time to put a load in the machine, hoover a couple of rooms, etc etc.
he should also factor in the minimum required 20 minutes for 4 hours' work as a break - that is plenty of time to do housework.

I can't believe that he has no breaks during the day!

nickeldaisical · 06/10/2012 15:31

and even if he doesn't have breaks during the day, he can still do bits of tidying in the evenings and mornings- when most people would be commuting.

write lists of things that need to be done - as discrete items, so that he can see it only takes 5 minutes to put the pos away, 10 minutes to hang out washing etc etc

Thumbwitch · 06/10/2012 15:33

He's a lazy chauvinistic arse.

So if he won't pull his finger out to help, get a cleaner in and he can just suck it up.

Original poster
MrsSchadenfreude · 06/10/2012 15:35

Stuntgirl - because I don't want to spend my weekends and evenings cleaning, which is what happens at the moment. I have a busy and stressful job that involves travel and long hours. At the moment I get up early and try and do some of the stuff - a few loads of laundry before work, hoover the hall, clean the kids' bathroom. He does wash the floors (parquet throughout) and clean the toilets (because I don't do it properly, apparently) but that is all.

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 06/10/2012 15:41

I can see why he wouldn't want to do it during the day (even though I, like you, manage it on the occasions I am at home!).

DH needs hours at a stretch to concentrate and so doesn't do any housework when at home.

AND he finds it annoying when our cleaner comes in.

HOWEVER he has not suggested not having a cleaner!!!

There is still loads to do at the weekend even if you do have a cleaner but at least the bulk of the heavy stuff is done and the house looks some way acceptable for at least a few hours a week!

Hopeforever · 06/10/2012 15:47

DH also works from home, but we have a cleaner

He puts on washing and hangs it outs
Empties the dishwasher
Stacks the dishwasher
Hovers in between cleaner visits as we have dogs

The cleaner can be asked not to do the room your DH is working in

He can do some chores in just 5 to 10 minutes as he stops for lunch or make a coffee. I think he's just making up reasons

StuntGirl · 06/10/2012 15:52

Not sure I understand you. Nobody wants to spend their precious free time cleaning, but it has to be done. If you both do 50% of the cleaning on evenings/weekends surely that's better than you doing 100% cleaning?

catgirl1976 · 06/10/2012 16:17

My DH is the same. He works from home sporadically and does sweet FA around the house.

I work ft and we have a baby. Therefore we have a cleaner.

But he bitches and moans about having to (horror of horrors) leave the house for an hour once a week whilst they come.

Ignore the fule and get one.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 06/10/2012 16:55

I work from home. First thing in the morning a wash goes on and I sort out my lunch. About 10 o'clock I empty the washing machine, put the wet clothes on the clothes airers and have a cup of tea.
Lunchtime I put my dishes in the dishwasher with the stuff from last night and breakfast and turn it on. I made sure the kitchen and living room were tidy.
When the kids came in from school I had a drink and a chat with them before they did their homework (they're at uni now). About 6 o'clock I would stop work and start making dinner.
The children would empty the dishwasher and DH washed up pans etc after dinner.
We have a cleaner once a week. When she's cleaning my office I go and get my lunch. When she's vacuuming the rest of the house I close the office door. She does some ironing, DH did most and I did the taxi stuff for the children. When they stopped needing taxiing around I did more ironing.
It's not rocket science. Can't believe the number of men who are so precious about cleaning.

BlueSkySinking · 06/10/2012 17:07

Firstly request that he spends half an hour a day whizzing round to keep on top of the house. Explain that if he fails to do this you are NOT going to spend all weekend cleaning as you have already worked hard all week. He has a choice between him helping and having no cleaner OR him not helping and having a cleaner.

When he fails to help simply organise the cleaner without discussion and tell him the day she is due to arrive. By not helping, you have been made to get a cleaner

BlueSkySinking · 06/10/2012 17:08

Show him this thread?

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 06/10/2012 17:13

Hmm.
I work from home, for an employer (as opposed to for myself) under deadline pressure. It's not always practicable to do a lot of housework. But I do put on whatever washing needs doing, hang it up to dry when I get a moment, and make sure I do the cats' litter trays at some point during the day.

If that sort of level of housework is all you're expecting during working hours, then YANBU.

Fairenuff · 06/10/2012 17:13

Divide up the jobs. You do yours when you want to and he does his when he wants to. Sound fair?

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