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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope for a proposal before too long?

44 replies

Foxtrot99 · 26/09/2012 18:54

I have been with DP for just over a year, we have lived together for 6months and everything is going well. We knew each other for a couple of years as friends before we got together.

We are both in our early 30s.

Am I being unreasonable to hope for a proposal before too long (say within the next 12 months?) . I do want to marry and have a family one day and conscious that I don't have all the time left in the world now I am over 30.

We have both said that we see ourselves together forever and he has said he wants to marry one day and does believe in marriage, however he doesn't seem to like having specific discussions about marrying me which concerns me a bit.

We have brought a house together so he is not completely scared of commitment.

How long would you wait for a proposal before giving up hope?! Also how do you communicate to a man that you do want marriage without forcing him into it / making him feel pressured? Any views most appreciated.

OP posts:
jkklpu · 26/09/2012 18:55

Why don't you propose to him?

TheCraicDealer · 26/09/2012 18:55

You could always ask him? [original]

UnChartered · 26/09/2012 18:56

i wouldn't wait

if you want to get married, ask him

you are marrying each other, not he marrying you btw

CMOTDibbler · 26/09/2012 18:59

Why not just say 'darling, I love you. I want to have a long relationship and have children, and I'd like to be married to you. What do you think ?'. Because if you can't talk about the basics of a relationship, its not worth carrying on with one.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 26/09/2012 18:59

Why are you waiting to be asked? You live together and own a house - haven't you talked about your future, marriage, kids etc????

Talk to each other....................

overmydeadbody · 26/09/2012 18:59

You've only been together a year, give the guy a chance! Give it two years, if he doesn't propose just so it yourself.

poocatcherchampion · 26/09/2012 18:59

We were in a similar situation - knew each other before, talked about it generally etc but didn't live together. He proposed just after 2 years. I encouraged him Grin

We were 30. Got married 6 months later. I'm feeding dd to bed now - she's 6 months.

Happened here! Be hopeful!

MichaelFinnegansWhiskers · 26/09/2012 19:05

Agree with the others - don't wait for him to propose, tell him you'd like to get married, and how about, say, next summer.

If he doesn't want to get married and it's a deal-breaker for you, then you need to know sooner than later. I think that having an open conversation about it is the sensible thing to do, sod worrying about pressure/talking to him in a particular way because he's a man.

GoldShip · 26/09/2012 19:16

Honestly I don't get why it's such a big deal and why people waaaaiiit for it as though when they're engaged and/or married their relationship is 'proper'

Just love each other and enjoy each other without this 'waiting around' feeling. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. It doesn't really matter as long as you're both happy... Does it?

sookiesookie · 26/09/2012 19:19

If you have only been together a year I would say you are nowhere near classed as 'hanging around waiting'.
But why wait? if its what you want go ahead and speak to him about gettin g married. not getting married 'one day'.

Relationships are rarely happy if one person expects the other to guess what they want and when they want it.

McHappyPants2012 · 26/09/2012 19:23

I would discuss it with him, better than hanging around years waiting

CakeMeIAmYours · 26/09/2012 21:19

Just talk to him about it. Why should his reluctance to do so trump your (perfectly reasonable) wishes?

It puts you in a win/win situation: If he wants to marry you, then you will be engaged. If not, then you are free to find someone who is on the same page as you wrt life plans.

A year is quite long enough to know how you feel IMO - whilst I would never advocate rushing into marriage, I do believe that after a while the 'waiting to see whether you want to get married or not' starts to yield diminishing returns as comfort and inertia sets in.

It might be an awkward conversation, but you need to have firm answers, especially as the clock is ticking.

expatinscotland · 26/09/2012 21:25

You bought a house with a person and didn't have a talk about your future beforehand?

I'd do what CMOT suggests.

gindrinker · 26/09/2012 21:26

Ask him, or at least suggest the idea... 'Darling, we've talked about having children, I'd like to be married before we do. Time is ticking, what do you think about next summer?'
Unless you're waiting for the tropical beach, effiel tower tower proposal?

bubalou · 26/09/2012 21:31

I would rather spend more time with that person and be absolutely sure then to rush into something because of the pressure of 'running out of time'.

Take your time and whatever you do don't start pushing these expectations onto him - you want him to propose to you because he wants to - not because he thinks he should / has to / feels pressured.

Smile
sooperdooper · 26/09/2012 21:36

I'm on the 'if you're that bothered ask him' side of the fence

Why sit about waiting, it's not a decision that just he makes, you're both adults, just have a discussion about your future and say that you'd like to get married

squeakytoy · 26/09/2012 21:38

in these days of equality, why should it be up to the man to propose to the woman??? Confused

schmee · 26/09/2012 21:40

Am I oldfashioned and a surrendered wife if I say that men often like to be the ones to do the proposing? You should probably have talked about what age you would like to have kids before you bought a house together though..

THETrills · 26/09/2012 21:43

Is it the 1950s in here today?

You don't need to wait for a proposal, he doesn't need to ask your father for permission. You can bring up the subject if you want.

andallthatjargon · 26/09/2012 21:52

I didn't wait for a proposal just said I really want to have kids, along came DD1, DD2 then he said hang on shouldn't we be married??? Wedding happened, then DD3.............

Sallyingforth · 26/09/2012 21:59

Ask the man FFS!

THETrills · 26/09/2012 21:59

If it was important to me to be married before I had kids, and I wanted kids fairly imminently, then I would say that to the person that I wanted to be married to and have kids with.

parakeet · 26/09/2012 23:47

This is the 21st century. Ask him yourself.

I did. And it wasn't a leap year.

It was very romantic and is one of my happiest memories.

CuriousMama · 26/09/2012 23:49

Dp proposed to me not long after we met. But it's 4 years later and we keep finding other things to spend cash on rather than a wedding. Plus we've both been married before.

If you both really love each other and you want to marry him then ask. Do you know if he's pro marriage? How would you feel if he wasn't?

ThePetiteMummy · 26/09/2012 23:51

Maybe he's trying to throw you off the scent and actually is planning to propose soon! Dh had me fooled with that, said it would take him x amount of time to save for the ring, so when he got down on one knee, I hadn't seen it coming at all!

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