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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare & GPs

30 replies

rubbishonlineshopper · 23/09/2012 18:44

Would like some other points of view on this - am feeling a bit cross & upset....

A temporary change in our childcare arrangements means that from next January, we will be short of childcare one day a month, until about June. We cant afford to put our children in nursery for this day, and there is no guarantee there would be a space on this infrequent basis.

We asked mil & fil if there is any chance they could help us out, and they have said no.

It does mean they'd gave to travel the night before, as we live some distance away.

They are often saying that if we need help we only need to ask....

Have we been unreasonable to ask?

OP posts:
vodkaanddietirnbru · 23/09/2012 18:47

you were not unreasonable to ask but they havent been unreasonable to say no either. Have you offered to take children to their house rather than them having to travel to you?

rubyslippers · 23/09/2012 18:48

You've not been unreasonable to ask but if they live that far away they aren't unreasonable to say no

Can you look at some flexible working options for the short term with your employers - maybe work more in the evenings to have your kids in the day?

Any friends that could help at least for a month?

I'd do that for a friend in a tight spot ...

What about getting a list of childcare providers from the local council to find somewhere different?

fedupandtired · 23/09/2012 18:48

Of course you've not been unreasonable to ask just as they've not been unreasonable in saying no.

trixie123 · 23/09/2012 18:49

not unreasonable to ask but you can't be too pissed off they said no. I'm actually not one of these who thinks you can't expect any help from GP and mine help us a huge amount but they have all (3 sets) specifically said that they would not do a standing, regular arrangement. All recently retired, they like their flexiblity and see friends tied down several days a week in some cases. Do you have contacts with childminders etc who could help? Any friends? We are only talking about 6 days in total though, could you not take holiday to cover it, split between you and your DP?

RaisinDEtre · 23/09/2012 18:50

not unreasonable to ask, not unreasonable for them to say no, partic as it means an overnight trip for them

Can you use AL between you and your partner for those odd days, only will be what, 6 days in toto?

Socknickingpixie · 23/09/2012 18:51

no ur to ask but also not ur to say no.

if you genuinly cant find other childcare for that one day then one of you will have to reduce your working hours

PotteringAlong · 23/09/2012 18:51

Having to travel and stop overnight from Jan to June (so effectively wiping out 3 days for them if you count travel there, babysit, travel back) is a huge commitment.

You were not unreasonable to ask, but nor were they to say no.

DuelingFanjo · 23/09/2012 18:52

Ask away but don't assume.

PotteringAlong · 23/09/2012 18:52

Ooh, just realized it's one day a month, not week. It still stands though.

Original poster
rubbishonlineshopper · 23/09/2012 19:17

Sorry ive not been totally clear, was trying to keep as anonymous as possible. The 6 days are what's left after we have used our annual leave, flexible working and friends helping us occasionally. We don't earn enough to put the dcs in nursery for this extra time.

I don't want to be cross & upset with them, they are really nice people. We didnt really explain about the financial aspect because we didn't want them to feel they'd HAVE to come....

They'd need to travel the day before, but could travel back on the childcare day because of working times. We couldn't take them to their house & be back in time for work, unless we were taking them for the whole week, which is obv too much to ask.

I think you're right, I assumed they wouldn't mind.... I shouldn't assume.....

Any other ideas what we could do? Feel bit stuck .

OP posts:
skateboarder · 23/09/2012 20:30

Have you got any friends who could help you out? Unpaid leave? Flexible working?

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/09/2012 21:08

i think you may be looking at this the wrong way perhaps seeing issues where none exist.

if you are skint tax credits will pay a portion of childcare,if you are not then you need to adjust something else.

if you cannot get child care there is no option one of you or both will have to change hours its what people with kids and no childcare have to do

marriedinwhite · 23/09/2012 21:11

It sounds a long way and will cost your ILs quite a lot in petrol. I wonder if you had thought about that? Why can't you afford proper childcare if you are both working? If money is that tight, can one of you get a weekend job. Don't really understand this.

trixymalixy · 23/09/2012 21:15

Marriedinwhite has a good point. If you live some distance away then surely a day in nursery would be cheaper. Assuming you were going to pay their petrol costs.....

forevergreek · 23/09/2012 21:16

Can they not cover the 6 days continuous. If they live far away wouldn't having them for a week be easier. You can then cover odd days elsewhere

ssd · 23/09/2012 21:20

op you said there has been a temporary change in childcare arrangements, therefore you now need help and you cant pay for it

so am I right in assuming the childcare before was free?

maybe you are used to getting free childcare and thats why you feel you now cant pay for it?

think you need to adjust your thinking or is you genuinely cant afford to pay for childcare one of you has to qiut work

thats what many of us here have done if they cant afford childcare and have used up every other option

ssd · 23/09/2012 21:22

oh and agree the gp's really should help you out here, but sometimes they just dont want to and you cant force them

GreenPetal94 · 24/09/2012 23:19

How about asking them to help out financially if you can't afford the nursery. My own parents were useless practically but did help us out a bit financially at that stage.

janey68 · 25/09/2012 06:49

I'm also a bit confused about why this is such a big issue.
You have a 'temporary change' to your childcare which is leaving you short for 6 days. If your current arrangements involve paying for childcare, then how can you possibly not be able to afford the 6 days? How would you have paid for those 6 days if your arrangements hadnt changed? Hmm
If you are used to some arrangement where your childcare is free, then I think you need to get real and accept that temporarily for a very small amount of time you'll need to pay out. It's what loads of parents do all the time. I just don't understand this situation if you're currently paying for childcare... Presumably you would have found the money if your arrangements weren't changing?

I don't think the gp's are being unreasonable btw.

TheHeirOfSlytherin · 25/09/2012 06:58

Janey it's not that hard to understand, for instance if the op and her dh have only got to pay for 3 days childcare a week as they each have a non working day. If one of their shifts have changed temporarily so they have to work 4 days then they will be short of a day's childcare each week. The op has already said she has used up annual leave and favours from friends, and these 6 days are what they are unable to cover.

This is all hypothetical of course but it's not hard to see how a childcare shortfall could come about.

janey68 · 25/09/2012 07:00

The op said they have a temporary change to their childcare arrangements- not their work arrangements.

janey68 · 25/09/2012 07:01

And it's not a shortfall of one day a week- its one day a month! 6 days in total.

allnewtaketwo · 25/09/2012 07:12

I think it would be helpful to understand the nature of the temporary childcare problem. If that childcare was free, then I understand the lack of sympathy from other posters. Paying for childcare is the reality for most working parents. For some reason, those who get it for free seem least able to understand that a childcare problem means they mat have to revise their working patterns/jobs. Those without the luxury of free childcare frequently have to this as a matter of course.!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/09/2012 07:16

One day a month is going to be what - £50 a month? If you can't absorb that cost for a few months then something is awry with your budgeting.

Who has been providing the childcare until now?

Pozzled · 25/09/2012 07:19

If you have a problem meeting childcare needs from Jan to June, surely a more permanent change is needed? I know you don't want to be too specific, but can you not just set up a new, permanent arrangement from Jan? Is it something like a nanny or CM going on maternity leave?