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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH's friend is taking the piss?

34 replies

moochie6880 · 23/09/2012 08:25

He lives about 300 miles away. He's been up to visit once (we moved about 18 months ago) and we have been down to visit him once. He wants to visit again BUT he wants us to pay for the train ticket.

He is DD's godfather but he didn't even give her a card at her christening. She's 2.5 now and she's had no Christmas or birthday cards either. DH wants him to be LO's godfather too.

He works as and when he feels like it, just agency work, because he has a load of inheritance money from his grandfather which he uses when he can't be arsed working. He pleads poverty but always has enough money for drink and weed.

Last time he came up he was smoking a spiff in the garden. I went mad. DD was in bed but I was 16 weeks pregnant and had hyperemesis, weird smells used to set off the vomiting. I also found out that DH paid for half the train ticket last time!! We went to visit him with DD over the summer when I was heavily pregnant with LO but he didn't offer anything towards our petrol money so i am amazed that he thinks we should be paying for his train fare!

DD is 2.5, LO is 12 weeks. I don't want him smoking weed anywhere near us. I'm also on SMP now so money is tight.

AIBU to expect him to pay for his own fare and leave his fecking weed at home?

OP posts:
JeezyOrangePips · 23/09/2012 08:30

Yanbu in the slightest.

Not one tiny bit.

Numberlock · 23/09/2012 08:32

For gods sake don't make him godfather a second time.

CSIJanner · 23/09/2012 08:38

YADNBU at all. Tell DH that being a godfather is not like an honorary uncle. It's a position of guidence, someone to talk to when they can't approach you etc. it's not points for making mates feel good. If he wanted that, he should have asked him to be best man etc. Godparents should be a mutual decision, not an ad hoc "eh mate, do you fancy...?" over a couple of beers.

As for the train fare, tell your DH that he's taking the piss and if he can afford weed, he can afford a birthday card or congratulations on your new baby card. I actually told DH that if unreliable mate was coming and blatently disrespecting the house, then I would move out whilst he was down and he would have to deal with him. If it was me, I would also tell the mate even if DH asks him, that you don't want him as Godfather as he's taking the piss, hasn't take interest in LO1's life and has disrespected your home the last time you welcomed him in.

Tell DH that you're telling the vicar/priest you don't want him and until he pulls his finger out and proves that he will be of enrichment and benefit to your children's lives, he can go whistle. Far better to chose someone who doesn't rely on granddaddys money but guides them and still sends a card and take's LO's down the park when they are able.

LydiasMiletus · 23/09/2012 08:45

Yanbu and you dh was bang out of order to pay anything last time without telling you.

CakeBump · 23/09/2012 08:47

Jesus no, YADNBU.

Why on earth did you make him godfather? He sounds like a total waste of time.

beeny · 23/09/2012 08:48

He sounds horrible

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 23/09/2012 08:50

Of course not, if he wants to visit, he pays.

He needs to smoke his weed elsewhere. And no way should he be godfather again, he is a pretty crap one already.

Greythorne · 23/09/2012 08:53

Well, he must have a very winsome personality for you to have made him god-father when he is so parsimonious, selfish, unthoughtful and has such a heightened sense of entitlement.

bleedingheart · 23/09/2012 08:54

Why did your DH choose him? WS it a longstanding arrangement? Surely he can see it is unreasonable? Or does he hope that he can make him grow up by giving him responsibility?

YANBU at all! I can't imagine asking friends to pay my train fare unless I was in dire straits. I really hate being around anyone over 20 addicted to weed too. So dull.

bleedingheart · 23/09/2012 08:55

*WS = was

MamaMumrOrangeTheGolden · 23/09/2012 08:58

YANBU, what next, spending money? Grin
DH is like this sometimes with his oldest friend, does you DH consider this friend to be family?

Hopeforever · 23/09/2012 09:00

If he really has to visit he can book the ticket months in advance and it costs a fraction of the full price. He can pay

taxiforme · 23/09/2012 09:14

thank god he is 300 miles away that's all I can say.
YANBU

Megan74 · 23/09/2012 09:17

YANBU. Doesn't sound like he would make much of a god parent if needed either.

shesariver · 23/09/2012 09:18

YANBU. The cheek of some people. I agree with taxi - be grateful hes 100s of miles away really Grin

Megan74 · 23/09/2012 09:20

Meant to add, DH's family live 200 miles away and none drive. Despite being the only ones with young children we are always the ones going there. Once a year they get the train up to us but only if we pay. The same applied when DH was not working and his sister was working FT. Angry. I put my foot down this year and invited them up but didn't offer to pay. Needless to say they didn't come. My children lose out to some extent as they don't get to have their cousins visit but I don't see why I should fund that.

pumpkinsweetie · 23/09/2012 09:20

Yanbu, good thing is that he lives 300miles away Grin!!!

Haemadoots · 23/09/2012 09:23

Yanbu, he needs to grow up.

jelliebelly · 23/09/2012 09:30

YADNBU he sounds like an arse - why on earth is he DDs godfather??

TheMonster · 23/09/2012 09:31

Yanbu. I wouldn't want him visiting at all.

Alligatorpie · 23/09/2012 09:34

I hope you never need him as a godfather...

TidyGOLDDancer · 23/09/2012 09:36

God, this guy would be out of my life pretty fucking quick if he was behaving like that. I wouldn't even have him in my house, let alone pay for him to come!

Does he think he's bestowing you with some kind of honour, having him stay with you?!

DuelingFanjo · 23/09/2012 09:37

Is it his friend or his brother?

ENormaSnob · 23/09/2012 09:41

Yanbu

He is a scrounging twat.

QOD · 23/09/2012 09:44

What?!

Omg this country is going mad lol - reading about this guy and someone else's sis in law this morning, my eyes have actually rolled into the back of my head and wedged there