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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think friend shouldnt offer constant snacks?

44 replies

familyfun · 21/09/2012 11:43

dd1's friend eats constantly, when she plays at his house his mom offers a drink, then a yoghurt, then biscuits, then raisins, then cake, breadsticks etc all within 2 hrs. dd eats some, more than she would at home and then says no im full but her friend eats everything andf asks for more more more all the time. they are 5.
when dds friend plays here i offer drinks, ice lolly in the summer or biscuit now its colder. dds friend spends the whole time asking me for chocolate,cakes and the other snacks he likes. i sometimes give them 1 thing extra or a banana each incase he is hungry but he doesnt like fruit. if i tell him i dont have chocolate/cakes he doesnt believe me.
now friend has started arriving at my house with tons of snacks for them both and im not sure what to think.
aibu to think at my house for a short play session he should just accept the snack i offer and not bring tons with him and munch his way round the house. it makes my dds eat more than i want, which i accept at their house but think she should accept my way at my house, and he makes a constant mess wandering around eating and wont sit down to eat.

part of me thinks its obviously nothing to do with me what he eats and clearly his mom thinks i dont offer enough food?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:46

You are right it's nothing to do with you

Just say no to your dc's eating more than you want them to.

eurochick · 21/09/2012 11:46

I think a lot of people have forgotten that feeling hungry occasionally is a normal part of life and not an evil that must be avoided at all costs. Almost every time I see a child in a pushchair now, it is cramming something into its face. It wasn't like this even a few years ago. No wonder we have an obesity problem.

kim147 · 21/09/2012 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2012 11:49

Some kids graze...some eat just 3 meals a day

My DS is a grazer, he doesnt like big meals, he likes to eat little and often. As long as the snacks he has are relatively healthy I dont have a problem with it at all.

It isnt anything to do what he eats..you concentrate on your kids and let his mum worry about him.

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 11:56

no i dont mind what he eats really, just thought that maybe when at our house for a couple of hrs its a bit unnecessary to bring chocloate, cakes, breadsticks, surely no kids need to eat that much all the time and could last a few hrs between meals with a biscuit?
my other friend only offers her daughter water, so when dd plays there she drinks water, i wouldn dream of sending dd with juice drinks for them both as dd knows to accept what she is offered.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 11:57

He might not have regular meals though - his grazing might be his equivalent of meals.

VinegarTits · 21/09/2012 11:57

my ds is a grazer too, i often bring snacks when we visit friends as he constantly asks for food, he also eats his main meals with no problem, every child is different i think YABabitU

steppemum · 21/09/2012 11:57

One of ds friends is like this and he is very overweight.
You could just send bag back uneaten??

VinegarTits · 21/09/2012 12:01

she probably sends the snacks so he is not constantly asking you for something

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 12:03

Quite vinegar

SparkyTGD · 21/09/2012 12:03

My DS eats loads, must have a high metabolism because he's quite skinny. He sometimes comes back from friends houses hungry. He will eat lots of snacks and all his meals most days.

Although wouldn't be happy with the wandering around eating, maybe have a 'we eat at the table' rule. And asking for chocs/cakes is rude.

Also with my DS, if he has a friend round I'll put a stop to the snacking at some point by telling them 'no more snacks, time to play'.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2012 12:04

I also find my DS asks for snacks when he is bored....when he is busy busy he doesnt ask half as much!

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:05

grazing would be healthy ish food though wouldnt it? not cakes and chocolates?
i cant send it back uneaten as he nags for it non stop and doesnt play just eats and eats till its gone.
i know iabu really, but i wish they could just play instead of eat a massive goody bag full of stuff, then dd2 wants to share and it causes a fuss when they could be having fun.

OP posts:

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:07

vinegar, yes shes sending them so he doesnt pester me for them and sending some for dd too. he must tell her he asked for chocolate and i said we had none, which was true.
maybe some kids do eat a lot more than mine, i have never realised, i have offered him fruit or toast before but he doesnt like it.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 21/09/2012 12:08

If she is sending choc etc you could say to the mum that you are a bit worried about dd's teeth as she has had a dentist appt recently and you have to watch her sugar intake so you don't want to offer sweet stuff.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2012 12:08

To be fair, despite the fact that DS snacks at home, I dont expect him to snack round others and wouldnt expect his friends parents to subsidise it. No I dont let him snack on cakes and chocolate although there might be the odd treat in there. I always offer a choice so say if he wants something in the evening I will say he can have either an apple, yoghurt, toast or cereal and thats it.......

Maybe give the bag back to his mum and tell her that you would rather not offer him that stuff with your kids about as it causes trouble but you are happy for him to have some fruit or something.....I am sure she wouldnt mind if she is reasonable.

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:09

betty, yes kids eat more when bored but he hasnt had time to get bored, he walks in and opens his bag and starts eating. when we meet at the park the other kids run off to play but he site on the bench and eats. food is definitley his priority.

OP posts:

MarysBeard · 21/09/2012 12:10

My kids snack and eat their meals, have normal BMIs, teeth are fine, and they are very active. I've noticed that now DD1 is 7 she has a bigger appetite at meal times, and eats bigger portions now (same as me) so needs less snacks.

I would just have a word with his mum about the snack situation to come to some compromise, if the visits are regular.

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:11

my kids eat treats sometimes too, but we dont always have them in, and they know when enough is enough, he cant seem to stop which is strange.

OP posts:

Chandon · 21/09/2012 12:13

I only allow kids (of all ages) to eat in the kitchen at the kitchen table.

Why can't you have a rule like that?

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:13

im scared to invite him for dinner, what will he bring
its not too regular, i can deal with it i suppose, dd eats different things at different houses and is fine with that, just strange that its happening at my house i think.

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/09/2012 12:13

It does seem odd and a bit sad really if food is his priority. I wonder if that is how they discipline him at home....you know, tidy your room and you can have a treat, that sort of thing.

Oh well, just make sure when he comes to you its not an issue for you and your kids and apart from that just let them get on with it.

Original poster

familyfun · 21/09/2012 12:15

she does reward him with sweets, but then dd1 will have a treat on a friday in her lunchbox, but she doesnt beg for them all week and would never ask another mom for treats.

OP posts:

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 21/09/2012 12:17

Sounds really annoying. I wouldn't be happy with my dd snacking constantly - ok if it is in their house, but it's irritating that the mother is pretty much forcing you to do the same thing in your house.

Seems a shame, but maybe cut back on playdates? Or politely ask the mother to not send food and just put up with child whinging at your inferior snacks?! But she might well take it badly.

VinegarTits · 21/09/2012 12:17

ok she sends snacks for him so he doesnt pester you, and she sends some for your dd so she doesnt feel left out, doesnt mean you have to let your dd eat them, and if she does, unless he comes very day, all day, whats the issue in her having a treat while he is there? and like you say, when she is full she says she doesnt want anymore, so whats the problem? is it major?

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