To really love Chris Rock!

[LiquidCosh]

Was just watching some of his old stuff on youtube and no matter how bad im feeling he makes me laugh so much. I know a lot of his humour is very american but its just sooo funny! Favourite quote from him:

If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherfucker, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain't been in love. And the only thing that's stopped you from killing this motherfucker was a episode of CSI: "Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass."

another one thats making me lol:
"Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church, the church of ATM. Everywhere you look there's a new branch popping up ? remind you about how much money you got and how much money you don't got. And if you got less than twenty dollars, the machine won't even talk to you. The machine is like, "You better go see a teller." You ever go to a teller and try to take out eight dollars and fifty cents? Oh, it's disgusting ? oh man, you gotta wait on that long ass line, people doing real transactions in front of you, you get on to the fucking front, you fill out your form, eight fifty. The fucking teller looks at it, she look at you, she looks at the check, she don't even take the money out of the drawer, she take it out of her pocket, "Here you go, get outta here." And here's something, man. Drugs are illegal, but ATM machines are open twenty-four hours a day. Twenty-four hours a day. For who? Who the fuck is it open for? Have you ever taken out three hundred dollars at four o'clock in the morning for something positive? Shit, when you press that machine at four o'clock in the morning, I think a psychiatrist should pop up on the screen and go, "Come on, man, save your money, man. Don't buy drugs"

ok just me then! AIBU or just a weirdo?

Those 2 jokes sound funny, but what i dont like about him is his swearing.

Right i promise this will be my last quote its him talking about the big issue of gun control in USA
"You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. Man, we need to control the bullets, that's right. I think all bullets should cost $5000. $5000 for a bullet. You know why? 'Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there'd be no more innocent bystanders. ? Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, "Damn, he must have did something. He put $50,000 worth of bullets in his ass!" Niggas will say "I would blow your fucking head off--if I could afford it! I'm gonna get me another job, I'm gonna start saving some money, and then you're dead man!. You better hope I can't get no bullets on layaway!

And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take their bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"

I think his swearing is ok in the context he uses it iyswim

Oh i know what i mean as im like that with swearing in general, i just think he is a bit, much. but reading what you have written he does sound really funny-and the last joke would be so true! lol

YANBU he is bloody brilliant!

Some of his stuff is classic...black people versus is hilarious!!

love Chris Rock and def think his earlier stuff is funnier

I like him, I like the quotes you put up and I like him in Dogma.

yeah 2blessed his earlier stuff is def the funniest but i think its his delivery of the jokes which really do it for me. Like his stuff about Bush when he was President was just so laughably true
"You know, the beautiful thing about the gay marriage issue is that it is the absolute only issue that the President will answer. The President don't give a fuck, he will give you a straight answer on gay marriage. "Mr. President, what about the war, when's it gonna end?" "Well, you never know, we're talking to people, and we're looking for stuff, and we might find it, we might not, and it's out there, we're gonna get it, you never know, how's it going, yeah!" "Mr. President, what about the economy, when's it gonna pick up?" "Well, you never know, we're talking to people, and economic indicators indicate that indications are coming to the indicator, you know what I'm saying, all right!" "Mr. President, what about gay marriage?" "Fuck them faggots!"

he's great

I LOOOOOOVE 'Everybody HaaaAAaaates Chris'

the best thing on tele, besides Fresh Prince...

I think I Love My Wife was good too. And Good Hair

Was really disappointed with 'Death at a Funeral'

In our house "I told you that bitch was crazy" is DH's way of saying to me, ok, I've heard enough ranting about fuck all, now shut up.

YANBU!

lol onebigwish I thinks thats when you've been talking about a work colleague or friend i.e ranting and its the mans standardised answer!

Yes it is liquidcosh

for anyone who hasnt seen him before or is unsure you should watch this
very funny clip on him talking about the government and drugs

I absolutely can't stand him so yes YABU!

or this on married life... very funny

StuntGirl watch the married people clip then tell me again and i'll accept iabu

'Everybody HaaaAAaaates Chris'... for a good reason. Sorry OP

I've seen lots of his stand up, he just doesn't do it for me! I watched one of his old stand up shows once where the audience was literally - literally, not figuratively - rolling-about-in-the-aisles-clutching-their-sides-not-able-to-breathe-laughing, and I was staring blankly at the screen making this face

Oh I love Chris Rock, at least his early stuff, I haven't seen him in years

I think his best stuff wouldn't necessarily translate well outside the US. Like when he went to Howard Beach with a petition to rename a street after Tupac Shakur, freaking hilarious if you know the area.

I'm pretty Americanised (family & friends over there) so it's not lack of context/lost in translation etc. He's just not my cup of tea! Honestly his appeal is totally lost on me! Now Bill Hicks or Mitch Hedberg...now you're talking.

dreamingbohemian I think your right about some of the stuff not translating outside the US but alot of it like the first few quotes i put in i think are universal. Like the stuff about doing an aids test here
do some people really not find this funny? i literally be crying with laughter like the audience

Bill hicks is great too love his dry sense of humour i guess everyone is just different. Im not chris rocks PA or promotional agent btw lol though it might seem so , just re-read some of my posts there!