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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be nervous about an office romance

30 replies

yummychickensoup · 26/08/2012 20:58

I have a huge bit of a crush on guy at work, I think he feels the same way. I'm not very good at reading the signals but if we weren't single you would say we were having an emotional affair!

Are they a good idea, bad idea? I know a lot of people meet their partners through work but I don't know if I could take the gossip and the questions from nosey work colleagues. I'm a very private person (as is he) and there have already been some comments from nosey colleagues which I hate.

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 21:00

YANBU to be a little nervous. They can go awkwardly. Having said that I met XF and DH at work, plus few boyf's in between and all has been OK, mainly as we are OK people.

Whatmeworry · 26/08/2012 21:19

It can be awkward if it breaks up, especially if the OP is your boss, but its pretty common.

PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 26/08/2012 21:23

YANBU.

But...

Now-DH and I managed to be discreet enough that colleagues who didn't socialise with us didn't know we were together until a year later.

We've now been together 13 years, married 10, two DCs. And many other couples we still count as good friends worked with us back then, FWIW.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 26/08/2012 21:25

I used to have a crush on a man from work.

We got married 6 yrs ago and now have 2 children

The crush gets a little less when you get used to the farting

GhostShip · 26/08/2012 21:25

It just depends on you both.

I met an ex at work and that worked out badly. When I dumped him he was a complete twat, the manager had to have a word.

BUT my now DP is the office manager of where I work :o and we're very much in love and everyone knows it. Work is much more fun and we have laughs with other colleagues.

happydotcom · 26/08/2012 21:25

I married my 'office romance' :)

BrianCoxIsUpTheDuff · 26/08/2012 21:28

eeek, I have a bad story about a work romance....

a relationship resulting in pregnancy and him being a cunt.

Me having to leave work (there were other extenuating circumstances but I could NOT be around him any longer)

So, weigh it up. Be careful. Make sure he's not a cunt.

If you feel you can handle it if it were to go wrong, no problem but ask yourself how you would manage seeing him if it all went arse end up.

I don't mean to be doom and gloom at all - as others on the thread have proved that office romances can/do work.

Just be careful, be sure, be happy.

TheSydenhamSet · 26/08/2012 21:31

I married my 'office romance' in 2008 and we now have three kids .

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 26/08/2012 21:32

70% of couples meet at work

AMumInScotland · 26/08/2012 21:36

Over 20 years on, I'd say Go for it! If you're both decent people then there's no reason for it to become a problem. You could always try to keep your relatioship quiet at first anyway, till you're sure where you're going with it.

CrispyCod · 26/08/2012 21:41

Makes going to work much more interesting

I've had a few office romances. I'm no longer with the last guy but we still work together and have a stronger friendship.

Original poster

yummychickensoup · 26/08/2012 21:54

I'm certain he's not a cunt. He's a manager in another department but it would be difficult to avoid him completely if things went wrong but he is very professional (I try to be) and I'd be surprised if that changed.

To those of you who had relationships/got married...how did you take the next step up to dating. He's a slow mover, I think I'll be 80 before he gets round to asking me out. We can't continue to spend half the day chatting with each other and looking for excuses to speak to each other , one of us will be sacked.
I'm not making the first move, I'd die and don't say get drunk at the Christmas party, that's not his style.

OP posts:

BrevilleTron · 26/08/2012 21:57

I've just married my office romance. He got the hint when I wrote in the company magazine that if you needed to find me you needed to 'turn left at nowDH'

LarkinSky · 26/08/2012 22:01

Increasingly the workplace is the best option for meeting a new partner. Go for it! As someone said, 70% of couples meet through work.

But re your comment "How did you take the next step up to dating. He's a slow mover, I think I'll be 80 before he gets round to asking me. ... I'm not making the first move, I'd die and don't say get drunk at the Christmas party, that's not his style."

That sounds to me like this initial flirting relationship will fizzle out unless you take the bull by the horns. So I'm afraid you're just going to have to risk death and ask him on a date. Or ask him when he's going to ask you out... Good luck!

PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 26/08/2012 22:03

Another department...that's good. The same department would not be good if things went wrong.

How we moved on...email flirting. And a work night out. And some alcohol.

CrispyCod · 26/08/2012 22:05

Yes, definitely organise a work night out and then slip away somewhere quiet with him!

YokoUhOh · 26/08/2012 22:05

I met my husband at work 10 years ago and our 1st child is due in November I was going out with someone else when we met

Original poster

yummychickensoup · 26/08/2012 22:05

I know what you mean Larkin about it fizzling out. It's weird though, I wouldn't say we flirt at all. We're just very, very close, chat for ages, lean on each other when we have problems, tease each other, have our own long running private jokes etc
It does make work more fun...

OP posts:

ladygagoo · 26/08/2012 22:09

I managed to keep my office romance secret from colleagues for a couple of months so we could really see if it was going somewhere.

Nearly three years on, we got married three weeks ago and I'm about to give birth to our baby ;)

My advice, talk as much as you can, about everything. Good luck

Fireandashes · 26/08/2012 22:19

I married my office romance too. 21 years together and counting...

Can you make the first move in a casual way? "There's a new coffee shop / pizza place opened near here, fancy giving it a try sometime?"
You'll be able to gauge from his reaction whether he wants to move it up a level without putting you in too much of an embarrassing or vulnerable position.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 26/08/2012 23:01

Twenty five years together here...

AMumInScotland · 27/08/2012 11:47

I'd agree that offering an invitation that can be taken innocently or otherwise is the safest way to make a "next move" - trying out a coffee shop or restaurant after work or at lunchtime, or "Oh I've got two tickets to go to X, would you like to come along?" His reaction should let you know if he's potentially interested, and when you get a chance to chat outside of the office it should be easy to work out if he's also trying to work out if you like him in that kind of way. Then you can comment that you'd been hoping for a chance to see him outside of work for a while now, and hopefully you'll both be blushing and stammering and holding eye contact far too long....

diabolo · 27/08/2012 11:56

I'm married to my office romance too.

I suppose it could be awkward if it were to go wrong, but you can't live your life worrying about what might go wrong. Some firms have rules abut this sort of thing though, so watch out for that.

MardyArsedMidlander · 27/08/2012 12:00

'We're just very, very close, chat for ages, lean on each other when we have problems, tease each other, have our own long running private jokes etc
It does make work more fun...

Blimey. I wonder how your work colleagues feel about that? Because it vould make it difficult if they feel unfairly treated by either of you....

squoosh · 27/08/2012 12:21

Lots of people meet at work, lots and lots and lots. And lots go on to live happily ever after.

But while it may be great for you it's not always great for those around you. I worked in department, there were about 10 of us in one office. Two of the ten started a relationship. For about two years they alternated between blissful happiness and furious hatred for one another. At least once every month they would have an 'off' week. My GOD it was painful, they were both passive aggressive morons so an Arctic atmosphere would descend on the office. It made for a really uncomfortable environment. Selfish twats.

I'm sure you're not like this though

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