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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want an unhealthy husband!

31 replies

Leena49 · 17/08/2012 06:46

My DH does no exercise. None of his family do any exercise or have any hobbies or do any sport. It is really starting to bug me now because he has developed a back problem and the physio has said he needs to strengthen his muscles. He did 3 sit ups yesterday then stopped because they hurt.
I'm really trying not to get irritated but it is really bugging me. He is a lovely man but as my kids are getting older I have started getting fit again and he seems to be letting himself go. I don't want to be married to a couch potato for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
controlpantsandgladrags · 17/08/2012 06:52

Has he let himself go though, or is he just doing what he's always done?

Yabu to expect him to catch the exercise bug just because you have.

JumpingThroughHoops · 17/08/2012 07:05

Anything you can do together?

I have to say though, if my very sporty DH ever though he was going to make me go out and get wet and sweaty and dishevelled, he could think again Grin

DozyDuck · 17/08/2012 07:05

Some people don't like exercise. If that is the way he is you can't expect him to change. By all means encourage if that's what the physio said but don't get annoyed

Svrider · 17/08/2012 07:07

I think it depends on what you mean
If your expecting gym/ jogging/ etc YABU

If your expecting dh to follow exercise programme prescribed by health profession (GP\physio etc)
Yanbu, Tis pointless going ,if your not going to take advice
Also I think exercise should be enjoyable, walk in the country etc not stuck in a gym
Does your dh do a manual job
Used to wind me up when dh wouldnt get up and about at weekend, till I realised he'd been physically working for 45 hours, whilst been stuck behind a desk!

JennerOSity · 17/08/2012 07:10

It will hurt if he isn't used to it - so if he stops and never does it again that is bad, but he stops and then does one more each day and keeps it up until he can do several more that is another.

I find the more exercise I do the more DH does as he finds himself sub-consciously keeping up. Maybe your own keep fit will have this effect?

Is he a logical sort of chap? Could you show him information on back problems and causes to motivate him? Core stability muscles are important for holding the skeleton together and staving off back problems.

Can you find a physical activity/hobby he enjoys - i.e photography which means he has to go hiking?

I agree, your future quality of life will be affected if he allows his own physical decline. :(

jubilee10 · 17/08/2012 07:15

Could you do something as a family? A country/beach walk. Swimming.

Original poster
Leena49 · 17/08/2012 09:16

He is a teacher so not a manual job until he has to break up a fight in the playground!
Going to try and talk about it in a 'how can we sort this together way'.

OP posts:
kim147 · 17/08/2012 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

danteV · 17/08/2012 09:26

I get where you are coming from. Dh is really fit and slim. He is always active but doesn't do 'excerise' but is fit and healthy.
I have just got back in the gym. I used to be a lo distance runner but gave it up when took a job that was long hours and had another dc. I have lost quite a bit and am lots fitter.
Me and dh talked about it because I wanted to get back into and he said to me he was glad, while he wouldn't push me to excerise and be healthy but he did want me to.
We both want the other around for as long as possible.
But I was a fitness freak when we met. If your dh never has been, its different. He won't start because you have. You say you have been getting healthy, how was he with you when you weren't?
I would be annoyed if dh had a problem like your dh but didn't do anything to help himself.
Its such a minefield.
I think you should tackle it from the 'improving your back problems' pov.

Paiviaso · 17/08/2012 09:27

Agree that you should slowly start building up family activity. Perhaps a walk after dinner, a cycle round the neighbourhood, a trip to the beach/river/etc for some swimming. Keep it fun, do it together, so it doesn't feel like "exercise."

biffnbuster · 17/08/2012 09:57

I'm no expert but wouldn't have thought sit ups were any good for back problems. I had back problems spent nearly £1000 at the chiropractors sorting it out, they advised a monthly top up of nearly £40.00. Instead I go to a pilates class once a week for less than a fiver. And touch wood, no back ache for the 18 months since I was last at the chiropactors. Back ache isn't just caused by the back, and by working other parts of the body it helps the back. Our pilates group is mostly women with a handful of men and of greatly varying abilities. You only do what you can and if it hurts you stop.

danteV · 17/08/2012 10:07

Sit Ups done the correct way and at the right level are good for the back and core. Doing full sits Ups (from the floor to an up right position is not).
But pilates and tags are fantastic for the back.
The one investment in my fitness that has been worth every penny is my personal trainer. I have cut other luxuries to pay for him, but he is worth every penny. I don't get board with working out and hr has shown me so many ways to get results quick and strengthen my body overall.
When I was long distance running I could do the great north run in 2 1/2 hours. But never looked toned, had back ache etc. Now i do.
I am not suggesting you do this, but it could help in showing him the correct way to strengthen his back (doesn't sound like the sit ups helped) and encourage him.
There was so much i didn't know about my body before my pt and how to make it better.

ChaoticismyLife · 17/08/2012 10:26

I'm another one who would recommend pilates. The exercises are done in a slow controlled way and are great for core strength. If he enjoys doing that he may then be encouraged to find other forms of exercise to do and build up that way.

Krumbum · 17/08/2012 10:27

Most people don't exercise so it's not unlikely you would have a husband who doesn't. It's up to him.

JennerOSity · 17/08/2012 11:33

It is up to him, but OP loves him and wants his health to be better - just because lots of people are not active doesn't mean anything - why aim for lowest standard of health just because it is not uncommon?

valiumredhead · 17/08/2012 11:35

Sit ups won't be good for his back.

I think you should concentrate on what you are doing and leave him to make his own decisions. From your post it doesn't sound like you have always been fit yourself.

FallenCaryatid · 17/08/2012 11:37

My OH found yoga far more use for back problems than any other exercise.

valiumredhead · 17/08/2012 11:38

My dh does excercises the physic showed him on an excersise ball.

valiumredhead · 17/08/2012 11:38

For his back.

geegee888 · 17/08/2012 11:39

Its hard for people to change if they have no motivation. I think you have to be quite clever about this, and maybe something like a sports holiday, with friendly but fun active people, so that he is the only one not doing anything might work. Sounds a bit cruel, but often if you are surrounded by people who are inactive, it becomes easy to emulate them. Something like Club La Santa on Lanzarote, the latter being a place you would go on holiday anyway and the resort all inclusive if you want. But when you get there, everyone, literally everyone, is active and into fitness. It could be very motivational for him.

fuzzpig · 17/08/2012 11:47

I think you should nag him about doing what the physio says. That is essential surely. Although, I hope the physio gave clearer advice than "strengthen your muscles" - did he give a sheet with specific exercises? Or give particular ideas of what to do? My normally very fit DH has had physio and had specific programmes to work through.

Apart from that I don't think it's fair for you to want to push more exercise on him. He needs to stick to what the physio tells him as doing too much before his back is better could be harmful.

Also, from a personal point of view, it is quite hard to become active as an adult if you grew up with a sedentary lifestyle. I was discouraged from anything active as it was seen as too boisterous and a waste of time compared to academic work. I do like exercise now when I get into it, but it certainly doesn't come naturally to me. I'm trying to ensure an active life for my DCs so they form a habit for life.

batsintheroof · 17/08/2012 12:02

How about bouldering? It increases strength and stamina and is a good family thing to do. I have a bad back and it's really helped strengthen all my muscles. You just have to make sure that you climb down from the wall and don't jump- as this buts pressure on your back. Children can go bouldering too- in many bouldering walls there's a wall for kids.

Yoga is also good for your core.

Treblesallround · 17/08/2012 12:06

I taught my DH to ride and got him a horse. He's lost stacks of weight and is much fitter. Riding is excellent for core strength. Maybe try some lessons together? It's great exersize and great fun

JennerOSity · 17/08/2012 12:36

Sex is also great exercise and fun! Grin

Margerykemp · 17/08/2012 13:22

Is he depressed?

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