re; unable to come to a agreement

[Socknickingpixie]

suituation is this.
i have a baby that i wish to get christened, babys dad and i are same religon he also wants baby christened.

i attend church, he never attends. i surgested he choose 2 god parents and i choose 2.
incidently god parents are just godparents i.e to assist with spritual things and NOTHING to do with where child lives should either of us peg it.

he agreed to this. now hes decided he hates my bestfriend who is also a regular church attendee, is a godmother for all my other children,his only reason for hating her is that he thinks she dislikes him, she has never been anything less than compleatly polite and friendly to him. i am also god mother to all her children.

i chose my bestfriend and one other close long standing friend of mine and had no input or anything into who he picked.i dont even know the 2 he picked

he has now kicked off about my choice and then refused to allow me to have baby christened. so the choices are

1. no christening

1. christening but without my choice of godparents

i think hes being unreasonable but obviously he thinks im being unreasonable.

what do you reckon?

Is he Christened himself? and are his choices for Godparent?
When we wanted no2 son Christened, the vicar refused unless my then DH was also Christened, and the Godparents had to be too.

i belive he is as nobody has said otherwise to me.am unsure about his choices for godparents as i dont know them.i know my choices are both themselves christened.

i am as are all my other children there are no logistical issues with it being done at my church at all.

Why does he think she dislikes him?

i dont have the foggyest idea. hes like it with most of my friends and family. he recently accused my mother of not liking him yet shes never either met or spoken to him.

I think he is being unreasonable, especially if she has treated him politely. I think you should be able to say its important to you that she is the godmother, you haven't picked the other 2 involved so why does he get to decide.

He can't expect you to give the nod to two godparents he's chosen if you don't even know them.

He could be right about your friend not liking him though. Just because someone's always polite, doesn't mean you can't tell if they don't like you.

I don't think it would be a great idea to go for godparents that one of you doesn't like or want to invite.

You can be the godparents yourselves if you wish. Or you could choose members of the congregation who you think could support you in the religious upbringing of the child.

Your mother has never met, or spoken to your dp. Why?

He sounds controlling - my ex always found fault with my friends and family for no reason. He disliked someone else being close to me. Took me a long time to see it as it was very subtle to start with.

Your dp and mother have never met????

As another poster has said he sounds controlling. Why has he never met your mother?

I wouldn't back down over this

call his bluff,no way is he going to tell his 2 choices that it has been called off.

He sounds insecure possibly from his childhood. A parent treated him as if he was disliked?

I don't know if he has got as far as actually asking his choices yet.
As to why they have never met, my mum lives in a different country the last time she came to the uk him and I had broken up there was no discussion regarding him at all my family and I are rather more stoic than that.and we hadn't been togather for very long it has been a on off thing for the last year more off than on and chances are will remain off now
I have directly asked best friend if she dislikes him her reply was "not especially I think he's abuseive but what I think dosnt matter it's what's important for baby" I know she has never bad mouthed him or been unkind to him I didn't even realise she felt that way till I asked her today

So he is controlling and abusive (even your friends think so) and he knows your friend has rumbled him, so he's trying to cut you off from her. I'm sorry to say as you have clearly had a baby with him but this is red flag central.

Your friend thinks he is abusive. WHy?

He can probably tell she doesn't like him - when I knew a friend's partner was abusive I definitely disliked him. I was also very polite, but I'm sure he knew.

Sounds to me as if he wants to cut you off from your friends. Do not allow this for a second!! Keep your friendships and family relationships up. You will need them!!

He is a controlling and possibly dangerous man. All the info you have given is a big red flag of danger to me.

Keep your friends close.

An I right in saying you aren't in a relationship with him still, but confused.

It's your baby to christen, if you arnt married it's not his business so just ignore him and do what you wish.

And please don't take this the wrong way but you mention other children? Don't allow a control freak to move in with them.

You are correct body we parted company a few days ago and will not be getting togather again under any circumstances. For me once I decide that's it then that really is it.

The christening thing started up when I was pregnant,it's important to me to do it asap I know it's hard to get your head round as to why and I'm not sure I understand it myself but some years ago I lost my dd at 4 weeks old and it helped me when the hospital helped me to get her christened befor she was taken.

Yet every time I try to even broach the subject I get this response from him,it's pissing me off hugely but I don't want to behave badly just because he is

Just do it without invoting him then. You don't need his permission/cooperation if you are not together.

Oh thank goodness you aren't with him. Christen the baby with the godparents you choose and it's up to him of he wishes to participate or not. What an arse.

cardi she thinks he's abusive because whilst he's not violent he is.
She's heard him ranting in the background whilst she's been on the phone.hence why I got shot of him

Xposted there

Option 3. Have christening anyway. If he chooses not to show up, his choice. Your 2 chosen god parents will be plenty.

I agree with cardibach.

As it's so important for you to get your baby christened quickly could you not do it quietly and quickly with just you, your vicar and the god parents.

Your ex doesn't have to know anything about it does he?

So sorry about the loss if your baby and if this alone doesn't make him understand your need to christen this child then it shows what an arse he is.

Go ahead and ignore him.

Keep friends close and be strong.

have decided to just go ahead and book it without his involvement i shall invite him but if hes chooses not to come then thats a matter for him