To be annoyed

[justwanderingalong]

I probably am being unreasonable but I'm a bit pissed that DD1 and DD2 have came back from ex MIL with presents and already written and sealed cards to give to teachers for end of term.

I feel this should be my job and a bit ungrateful at being annoyed that they've got the stuff.

So AIBU?

What a fab ex mil you have!

Yeah I know I probably am being really ungrateful was just the way she handed them over and said so you don't forget. PMT makes me a bitch guess need to snap out of it and be grateful

I think the time to get the hump, is when they frogmarch your child into a card shop and force them to write a father's day card to an absent father whom they have not spoken or seen to for 18 months!

so long as she isnt charging you for it, whats to worry about

one less job to do

I'd be a bit put out too, if she wanted to do that, she could have mentioned it.

I'd send them back and tell her sorry she wasted her time/money but you've already sorted it.

Maybe YAbu but it would completely annoy me too.

It's kinda like saying, I didn't think you were good enough to deal with this on your own so I've done it for you, very patronising.

Now, if they had phoned and said, we are with boys and why don't we pick up something, fair enough but they didn't even know if you had anything planned and I personally would find it boorish and overbearing.

But then again, I have isshoes with parents who would do that to put me down, so I may be alone here.

I would be pissed off with the passive aggressive 'so you don't forgot'.

My DM is a master of the veiled insult dressed up as a good deed.

Yanbu to be annoyed

The time otherwise-lovely MIL made DS2 a birthday cake I was ready to stab her - how dare she think I wouldn't make my own child a cake??? etc etc. Actually she was just being a bit thick - hadn't thought through how it might seem and genuinely thought she was helping. I'm sure that's the case with your MIL (unless of course there's a long history of her over-stepping boundaries).

The presents might be hideously naff, twee, or inappropriate, and might be held up in the staff room for laughs...

YANBU but don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I wouldn't send it back.

That's like something my dad's parents would have done for us if we'd asked. Our mum never bothered with any of that sort of stuff after my parents divorced though - it's probably good that you're a bit bothered about it, I always wished my mum was!

That would get up my nose too. It is the kind of thing my ex MIL used to do in addition to cutting DDs hair short without speaking to me. It is overstepping the mark IMO. However, I did speak to my ex MIL about stuff like this and it is much, much better now.

Can I have her number please?

I would love someone to do this with my children.

unless you think she has wrapped up dog poo, I can't see why you aren't pleased to have someone else help your children sort out some presents for their teachers,

Have you checked, she might of asked them if there was anything they wanted to do, and the children might of suggested it.

they probable enjoyed shopping together, lovely that your children have so many people to love them,

try to think of it as a positive, and it won't annoy you so much.

I can see it's patronising but I'd still be relieved.
Maybe you can return the favour sometime, perhaps give her an envelope with tip + card for her cleaner at Christmas.
Just don't forget to come back here & tell us how she takes it.

I'd open them, then donate them to the school fete. Then I'd buy my own.

It's maybe patronising, and it's a bit surprising she'd take it upon herself to do it. Whatever he intention, I'd try and choose to see it as a positive thing, ne less thing I have to do (unless they are crap presents)

nosey old cow. check everything. she might have bought them boxes of bugs and written rude messages. she takes liberties.

then thank her nicely and ask if you can choose them together next year.

Lady she did buy a present and card from DC to ex DH as knew I wouldn't. To be fair he doesn't do Mother's Day for me either and all 3 DC now make Mother's Day and Father's Day cards at school/nursery

What are the gifts? If they are nice gifts that you are happy to hand over, or that your ddhas chosen specifically, then see it as a good thing. If its tat that you would be embarrased to send in, then YANBU.

Yes, we must know what they are!

I'd want to know what the gifts are. It might be a knitted toilet roll cover. Best open them up carefully to check. and if it's a good present then thank mil and ask her to do it again next year

Does she want to be my mil? Mine doesn't even know how old my dd is on her birthday in 2 weeks.

I only want the mil though. My fil and dh are great, don't want to swap them. :)

There is a bit of history of overstepping the mark. Think may be time for a chat about it. She means well just gets a bit frustrating sometimes.

I'm not going to send them back. Gifts are 2 posh soaps that girls choose each for their teachers so suppose would've been nice for them to do.