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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think my baby doesn't love me...

47 replies

NewMummy48 · 13/06/2012 18:12

This is really upsetting me...

He doesnt respond to me

He doesnt look at me when i call his name

I try my hardest to make him laugh but he doesnt

He NEVER wants to sit and cuddle with me

He is always upset when he is with me

He hates me reading stories to him

He hates me singing to him

Ive tried everything :(

I dont know what to do anymore, Its getting to the point where i hate seeing him with anyone else because they get a reaction out of him.

I have a big family party (Over 80 people) this weekend but i really dont want to go because its heartbreaking to see my baby enjoy other people but not me.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 13/06/2012 18:16

How old is your baby? How are you feeling in yourself? Are you getting any help? It sounds like you are putting yourself under quite a bit of pressure there. He could be picking up on your feelings of uptightness. Maybe have a chat to your HV, i don't want to jump in and suggest PND, but have you considered it?

Sirzy · 13/06/2012 18:17

How old is he?

defineme · 13/06/2012 18:19

You really sound like my friend when she had pnd-really really really similar-have a word with your gp or health visitor and tell them exactly what you said here.

ChunkysMum · 13/06/2012 18:19

My DD was exactly the same up to 5mo. Now she's perfect with me.

How old is your DS?

ChunkysMum · 13/06/2012 18:20

Oh, I also had PND.

BlueBirdsNest · 13/06/2012 18:20

How old is your son?

How are you within yourself?

Is there possibly a small chance you could have PND?

TooMuchFuckingPerspective · 13/06/2012 18:22

It is absolutely not true that your baby doesn't love you. Has anyone else noticed or commented on the way he responds to you? Is it possible you are misinterpreting his behaviour? Small babies can be quite unresponsive naturally.

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 13/06/2012 18:26

He is 9 months old, I dont have any help as i live too far from my family and friends, I recently moved to a different area and i gave the HV a ring and asked them to come and no-one turned up so i havent seen any HV since my baby was a month old, He is fine with my partner, Laughs, Cuddles etc. I have concidered that but i was a bit ashamed to admit it, My family are VERY critical.

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 13/06/2012 18:28

Was going to say just what TooMuch said. Your baby does love you, but I can see how easy it is to think otherwise- my DD could be a horror for me and an angel for everyone else!
How are you feeling in yourself OP? Do you have RL support?

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 13/06/2012 18:33

I moved away from my family and friends because of my partners job a year ago, Im alone all day everyday until he is home and our relationship isnt going well at the moment, I always seem to be crying, I dont have any support either also my partner, his family and my family are very critical of me.

OP posts:
Puff77 · 13/06/2012 18:33

I am not saying you do have PND but this is exactly like I felt when I had it. If you do have it, it is NOTHING to be ashamed of and once you get help things will begin to feel better. Your baby does love you.

doggiemumma · 13/06/2012 18:34

Ok, having read your second post it sounds like you have had alot going on - i really REALLY think you need to see your GP, or ring your HV and ask for an urgent visit. Tell them you are concerned that you have PND. Also you need to be having certain check ups (i forget when now, its been so long) for the baby. So a visit with the HV is vital and should be the first phone call you make. Can you do this first thing tomorrow?

oh and YOUR BABY ADORES YOU, you are the one he can be fractious with because he feels safe with you.

doggiemumma · 13/06/2012 18:36

I have had PND too, it wasn't picked up early and because of that it was much harder to deal with. So much of what you are posting rings true to me. Please make that phone call - even making the appointment will make you feel better. Where abouts are you?

JumpingThroughHoops · 13/06/2012 18:38

Doesnt look at you when you call his name? if his back is to you? drop something, loudly, like a saucepan. If he he still doesnt look to the sound then it is quite possible he is hearing impaired.

NatashaBee · 13/06/2012 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1950sHousewife · 13/06/2012 18:42

newmummy, hang in there. Really.

My DD was pretty unresponsive as a baby to me. She was a nightmare to try and make chuckle, she used to tell me as a toddler not to sing, she didn't chatter away like other babies. You could see my DH was everything to her.

But...after a while it got a LOT better. From about age 3 she became a little buddy to me. Not like some mums and daughters who seem to be of one mind, but still, we are close. So don't despair. I used to when I saw how other mums could make their DC chuckle just by pulling a face. My DD used to look at me blankly if I did that! She would, however, laugh if you did something physical like blow on her belly.

Here is an idea. Pretend you are on 'Show Me, Show Me' for a day. Exaggerate everything. You are Nina, from the Neurons or Justin...! I've found in the past when I am feeling the way you are I may have stopped trying as hard ("there's just no point, she doesn't smile at me anyway...") which means that you are in a vicious cycle. The less you engage, the less they do, even if it is unconcious.

HTH - and YOur DS LOVES YOU!!!! Smile

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 13/06/2012 18:42

I think i will make an appointment, He looks at my partner when he calls his name, I have made noises to check on his hearing and he is fine with that. He just doesnt respond to me.

OP posts:
peachypips · 13/06/2012 18:43

Hi Hun,
So sorry you feel like this- as another poster said he is able to relax and not perform for you!
I too had PND and this was one of the things I felt- it is a common symptom! Your baby is too young to be capable of not loving you or thinking you are the most wonderful thing in the world! Believe us all on here- your baby adores you.
I know if I am having a bad day if I start thinking theat my two don't live me.
Bless you

BarredfromhavingStella · 13/06/2012 18:49

Your baby loves you, make that appointment. When you've made that appointment google baby groups in your area & get yourself off to one, you need to make some friends & baby groups are the place to find like minded people who are going through all the funny & definitely not so funny stages of being a mum-it's hard work & mummy friends are a fantastic source of support.

FeakAndWeeble · 13/06/2012 19:00

NewMummy48 I've felt like this too - DS always seemed to be much more interested in other people than me. But now he's a bit older and more communicative I've realised that that's got far more to do with the fact that other people are a novelty, so they're interesting, whereas I'm there all the time. If I gave him to someone else for a week he'd be as disinterested in them as he can be in me Grin

But you'll find, as he gets older, that - actually - you are the one person in life that he will consistently want. When he falls over - he'll cry for you. When you collect him from nursery/a friend's - he'll put his arms up and reach for you. And when he's 35 and his wife gets pregnant - the first person he'll call is you.

9 months is so little. He doesn't have very much to give at the moment. But he'll get there. You're his mum. Bugger anyone else who is critical of you; you are the centre of this little boy's Universe.

This too shall pass xxx

scentednappyhag · 13/06/2012 19:11

I'm glad you're going to make an appointment, it's a difficult first step, you're very brave.
It won't be long before your DP falls out of favour and everything will be about mummy to your baby, just wait Smile
You'll get through this.
Keep posting, MN is an incredible support when you're feeling low.
And I'm in Bucks if that's helpful to you, kettles always on Smile

storminabuttercup · 13/06/2012 19:15

Oh sweetheart, he does love you. These babies are funny little creatures, but I promise you he loves you.

I do think you would benefit from seeing your GP, you have alot going on. Talking will help, I promise.

Xx

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses · 13/06/2012 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 13/06/2012 19:23

sorry i didnt see that question, Im in Yorkshire. I have researched baby groups and there is one about 5 miles away but i dont have a car and to be honest i dont feel like going out... Its just heartbreaking to me to watch him so happily play with his Dad but show such disinterest in me, I will talk to the GP and tell them everything. I can't believe how supportive everyone is on here, I cant thank you enough for your comments.

OP posts:
ariadne1 · 13/06/2012 19:25

Babies don't know how to love or hate.They only need and depend.It's easy to feel like that though because you are always there you are the norm, a 'hygiene factor'. When a new face comes along it is interesting for them and they react with pleasure.But that doesn't mean they don't like you!

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