To ask advice on methods for murder?!

[babbashouse]

I used to be a nice person, never killed a thing, but my sitting room for the last few days has had flies in it. About 5 of them. I'm pregnant, laid up on the sofa with SPD and NEED the buggers gone. I've just had to have a shower to try and stop myself itching - I've been sat here with goosebumps/ itchiness/ teeth-gritting from constant feeling of 'they're on me!' irritation. I keep trying opening the windows to try and get them out, but there're hundreds of them outside in the trees and seems chances of more coming in than my hateful family making any moves to leave.

So I've got no actual insect killer (always thought unethical til NOW!) - any solutions? Keep eyeing up the febreeze, but presumably that won't do anything other than make them smell nice? Can't leave house to buy new stuff because of stupid pelvis.

There MUST be something I can do? I feel like I'm going to end up committed if I don't get rid of them soon. ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!

Oh god, just pictured them dead on the floor if one of you genius ladies can tell me how. Made me well up a bit. I'm seriously losing it aren't I? Flies should not be done to pregnant ladies! :(

Please save me from insane asylum asap!

You need lots of spiders to eat the flies

And then a bird to eat the spiders

I found these quite good

We used to live in a house that backed directly onto a field. There were always a lot of flies (field had cows in it. Cows used to come and poke their heads through my kitchen window to say hi ) Those sunflower thingies were effective.

CANNOT. STOP. ITCHHHHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

Flies can't see white paper - or at least not well enough to se it coming and dodge, so if you have a strong stomach get a piece of white kitchen paper - approach slowly while it is resting on window and then grab it in the paper - scrunch closed and bin X 5.

Or, if that seems a bit hands-on you could try the hose on your vacumn cleaner and see if you can suck em in, they will get a bit dusty in there but would die eventually.

Good luck with your mission.

Those electric bats are quite good fun. here

You can sit on the sofa and just swipe it about your head. Every now and then you will hit one and it makes a cracking noise. get DP to hoover them up at the end of the day and job done.

Insect repellent upon yourself? Citronella, perhaps?

Oh, and amazon will send it to you so no need to leave the house, or even get off the sofa!

You must come back and tell us what worked

That amazon bat looks ace! You could get really vicious with it

I want one

Have you got any hairspray? It glues the little buggers wings upcauses them to leave the vicinity because they don't like the smell.

And I'm a vegetarian.
And my dad used to be a Church Deacon

Ok I know everyone else in the world loves them but I'm scared of butterflies and no way am I going near one.

What you need my dear is a vacuum cleaner with a hose attachment.

Haha Gin, not a chance I'm up for squidgy them in kitchen roll - only wish I had the stomach for it. I am however just off to get out the hoover... (and dig to see if I do indeed possess hairspray)

< ITCH, ITCH, SCRATCH, GROWL, STAMP FEET, SHOUTING 'GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!' >

Another fan of the electric tennis racquet... we have one and it's very very satisfying using it. Especially when you push the button and fry that little bastard's arse.

I am normally a kind sane person too but I hate flies with a passion.

Babbashouse - don't blame you - I resort to it if absolutely necessary but have to make a racket to drown out the scrunching as I can't bear to hear the little crunch they make. TMI sorry!!

The ones I hate most are the fruit flies you get in summer! They are so hard to deal with and I don't have room in my fridge for all the fruit and with everything else. :(

The only thing that's been saving my last ounce of sanity is the promise to myself that bedtime will be safe - bedroom door and window been firmly sealed all day. Just went in to find hairspray (of which I, of course, have none) to find... A FLY! In my bedroom! So that's it. I've nowhere to hide, nowhere but out and out insanity.

Even the hoover hates me. Cannot take the end attachment thingy off to get to the nozel. CANNOT!

< Goes back to try and swear some more> Gin this hoover thing had better work. If I put my back out separating hoover and then it does not work, I will track your Palace down to Chinatown...

I was going to suggest the executioner electric fly bat above. Used in a cloud of midges on a summer evening it's like a very cheap firework display. Buy two. They are wonderful.

You need to get a dog to do a poo on your carpet. Flies like poo it's a well known fact. Eh voila you can catch them in a plastic bag and release them back into the wild.

Waitingforme said too

Can you suck it up with the end attachment thingy on or have you been looking for dropped earrings with a pair of tights drawn over the end ?

Hairspray, its sticky, stops the feckers moving, then squish and dispose,

Bit disapointed its flies, I was all prepared with my ice pick plan!

If you don't fancy the poo idea, they like off meat as well. Or you could try and attract some wasps who might sting them to death for you. Wasps x 5, off pork chop, or poo. That's my suggestions.

I used to be nice too. Until I had children and pets and found that insects particularly buzzy flies make them all go bat shit crazy.

My kill method is as follows:

1. Open all windows to give them a last chance and ventilate room
2. get vacuum hose extension ready
3. Spray flies, quite directly with some kind of chemical aerosol. Ideally raid, but I use furniture polish, mr sheen, dettol anything really. Just keep spraying until something makes them go a bit paralysed (bearing in mind can take a few seconds for them to react to it).
4. As soon as the fly reacts to being sprayed get them with the vacuum hose. They have to be paralysed to do this as they are freakishly strong at getting away

5.Repeat until all are dead.

1. Leave in there to definitely die
2. Shut windows.

Failing hairspray, body spray or deoderant will daze them enough for a squish.

Stateofconfusion I heard a good one for real murder was actual icicle then the evidence just melts after you stab someone with it might have seen a film .

They don't like ventolin much either.