To ask advice on methods for murder?!

[babbashouse]

I used to be a nice person, never killed a thing, but my sitting room for the last few days has had flies in it. About 5 of them. I'm pregnant, laid up on the sofa with SPD and NEED the buggers gone. I've just had to have a shower to try and stop myself itching - I've been sat here with goosebumps/ itchiness/ teeth-gritting from constant feeling of 'they're on me!' irritation. I keep trying opening the windows to try and get them out, but there're hundreds of them outside in the trees and seems chances of more coming in than my hateful family making any moves to leave.

So I've got no actual insect killer (always thought unethical til NOW!) - any solutions? Keep eyeing up the febreeze, but presumably that won't do anything other than make them smell nice? Can't leave house to buy new stuff because of stupid pelvis.

There MUST be something I can do? I feel like I'm going to end up committed if I don't get rid of them soon. ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!

Oh god, just pictured them dead on the floor if one of you genius ladies can tell me how. Made me well up a bit. I'm seriously losing it aren't I? Flies should not be done to pregnant ladies! :(

Please save me from insane asylum asap!

and one of those water spray bottles you use when ironing with a good dose of fairy liquid in is brill - they suffocate as the soap blocks the air. And you can clean your windows after - comes up all sparkly.

Ooh something else I remembered.

Open your North facing windows. I have no idea why. However, our house faces North/South and the flies always come in through the south and congregate on the north. I get fewer flies in if I only open the north windows, and they leave more quickly.

Then when you are swiping them with your bat, they at least have a chance to fly out.

(could be something weird about our house, of course)

There's a spray that kills flies, can't remember the name of it though.

Oh I thought you meant a human murder too , I was going to suggest you get yourself down to Aldi, and check the murder aisle out.

Everything the modern woman needs for murder, duct tape, saw, surgical gloves, face mask, shoe covers, tarpaulin, spades, shovels etc.

Cannot get the buggers in the hoover, they're too quick and in the bloody windows so don't want to smash them. Last couple of hours though I think we might have come to some sort of agreement - they're clearly still here... somewhere, but I don't know where. I can neither hear nor see them anymore...

Still itching though...

My husband thwacked me by accident with one of those bats when I was pg. my ENTIRE fucking leg went black & blue where the veins popped and I couldn't bear weight on my leg for over a week ..... They are lethal in the hands of fuckwits.