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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that shops should have some compassion?

59 replies

Dottydooda · 16/03/2012 14:08

I've recently toilet trained my 2 year old. On a number of occasions when we've been out, we've (inevitably) had to search for a public loo quickly. As I have a 10 month old in tow as well, this can prove to be rather interesting at times.

That aside, twice now I've been out in a shop (- Halfords and Waitrose to be exact) DD1 needed a loo. I had no choice but to ask the shop assistants who have responded that there are no loos.

Now, I know that legally this cannot be true and I understand them not wanting to share their loos with any Tom, Dick or Harry but when I'm standing there stressing, baby in one arm, toddler crossed legged and bursting on the other - AIBU to think that they could break their little rules to help their customers instead of lying outright? These 2 stores must get a lot of their custom from families with young children after all.

I was tempted to encourage a little puddle on their shop floor in retaliation :o

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 16/03/2012 14:10

I suspect they'd say it's a H&S and insurance issue. Loos not suitable for small children - surrounding areas not safe etc. They'd be liable if anything happened.

StrandedBear · 16/03/2012 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redskyatnight · 16/03/2012 14:11

Well the shops are not lying ... there are no toilets available for the public.
I would imagine they do not have insurance to cover members of the general public using their toilets.

It's a pita but at this sort of stage you just have to be really proactive about taking your child to the toilet very frequently .. (or putting then in pull-ups while you are out).

nethunsreject · 16/03/2012 14:12

Aye, I've worked in shops and would have been happy to let a child use the loo, but we were warned not too as if anything happened, we would be liable. Plus the boss would go nuts Smile

JaneMare · 16/03/2012 14:12

what did you do then, when the staff informed you there were no facilities for you to use?

imnotmymum · 16/03/2012 14:12

If they say yes to you they will have a queue in and out all day long so YABU.

AllotmentLottie · 16/03/2012 14:13

Buy a portable travel potty, and if caught really short find a discrete place to use it. Use the 10-month-old's buggy to help comandeer a quiet corner - ideally outside the shop rather than in it.

MsIngaFewmarbles · 16/03/2012 14:13

Have you thought about a pottete?

headfairy · 16/03/2012 14:14

When you're potty training do not leave the house without your travel potty I found it absolutely invaluable when potty training ds. We still use it now if he needs a poo and we're miles from a loo.

TheUncannyValley · 16/03/2012 14:15

Sometimes they really can't allow members of the public to use their loos, because of health and safety,insurance, or because staff belongings or stock are stored in or around that area.

ItWasThePenguins · 16/03/2012 14:15

Only places with a restaurant/cafe HAVE to have a loo for public use. YABU. Supermarkets often do, or just run to the nearest JL/McD's etc.

MooncupandPizza · 16/03/2012 14:16

I don't think YABU.

I have been in similar situations and feel your pain. Here in Toronto, I was really impressed when I asked in a subway station and the guy left his ticket-selling booth and brought us down to the staff (male) toilets. So nice of him and he could have easily said "sorry, we don't have customer toilets".

I understand there are insurance issues and all that but a bit of human decency and common sense about this stuff rather than adhering to the letter of the law would be nice. I mean, what exactly is going to happen -they slip and sue? Unlikely, IMO.

I don't blame the staff because if they are told they are not allowed do it then of course, they are going to stick to that but I wish things hadn't gone this way where helping out a child with a full bladder is an insurance issue!

And yes, at this stage of toilet training you do have to be proactive but with my stubborn DD, you coudl take her to the toilet all the time and she might refuse to go and then NEEEEEEED to go not long after. And yes, I could let her wet her pants and deal with it (we tried that tactic) but it wasn't helpful to anyone.

Debeez · 16/03/2012 14:16

YABU. Sorry. As previously posted there are insurance reasons to consider. Also from the staffs point of view I can see them not wanting to share. Public toilets are disgusting. No doubt you would have left the place pristine but I used to clean toilets as part of my job, nappys jammed down the loo, poo everywhere, wee on the floor. Behavior of some spoils it for all.

Debsbear · 16/03/2012 14:16

They may well not be able to take members of the public through the satff areas. I am surprised that Waitrose did not have a public toilet though, I've never known them not to. Take a portable potty with you when you go out, they don't take up a lot of room under a pushchair or in the car. Then you can let your child use it in th emiddle of their shop if you so wish! I remember my 2 year old son climbing on top of a pile of very expensive rugs in a carpet shop and leaving a little present for the staff, as they were being rather awkward at the time I didn't feel too guilty about it! Grin

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 16/03/2012 14:16

YABU

If the toilets are not available to the public for what ever reason, then a toilet training toddler shouldn't be any exception. I know it's a difficult stage, but it doesn't really deserve special treatment

If they started making exceptions then they would have to do it for everyone, what about disabled people, the elderly, pregnant women, someone with a urine infection or sudden tummy bug? Who decides who should be allowed and who shouldn't? they have to have a blanket ban.

slovenlydotcom · 16/03/2012 14:16

the local chemist let me use their staff toilet- ds was two and just said he needed toilet- he then did the largest and smelliest poo I have ever seen him do: the shop is so small they must have smelled it Blush

I fear we may have ruined it for generations of small children who need a wee in that chemist Blush

Sirzy · 16/03/2012 14:17

I agree with others. H and S means they can't.

A lot of toilets in these places are through store rooms/staff rooms and if you were to fall over someone's bag and sue them then their insurance wouldn't cover it. They don't know if you would empty someone's bag on your way through etc etc

As frustrating as it is a "no members of the public" policy is the only way they can do it really

itsatiggerday · 16/03/2012 14:17

I'm surprised, I always found the opposite. Including Waitrose - where I wasn't even planning to shop - who took DC1 through to the staff loos with my mum while I felt compelled to find some things to need in appreciation of their kindness! And Next who did likewise so I could change a nappy for DC2 when it was in danger of exploding everywhere before I could find a public loo in the shopping centre.

marge2 · 16/03/2012 14:17

Our local Waitrose has no public loos, but there was an occasion when DS2 was about to explode he needed a wee so badly. ( He has a nasty habit of not telling me til it's pretty much too late) . I asked nicely and they let me use the staff loos. Not a quibble. They were very friendly about it. I hope nobody got in trouble about it.

MooncupandPizza · 16/03/2012 14:17

Actually, just musing a bit more on it, they seem to be really nice about this over here in Toronto - I even asked in a bank and they let us use the toilet whereas in UK, when I asked, they wouldn't let me (behind the desks etc. etc.) and poor DD ended up pooing herself as I was in the middle of a transaction and couldn't leave the bank to find a toilet.

DeWe · 16/03/2012 14:17

When dd1 was little they usually let us. However in the years between her and dd2 shops stopped being able to let people due to health and safety/insurance. Basically if you tripped and broke a bone in the staff area they're not insured so now won't let you go there in case you sue.

Bet the people who have tried to sue for such like don't think of the repercussions for others.

Original poster
Dottydooda · 16/03/2012 14:17

we found a bush I'm afraid (and luckily a safe place to perch my 10 month old). She had just gone to the loo but you know how it is.

Understand insurance/ health and safety arguments - I suppose, I found myself in a bit of a stressy pickle with the 2 children at that moment and any help would have been appreciated rather than 'computer says no' mentality.

OP posts:
Debeez · 16/03/2012 14:18

Mooncup I'm now in insurance. People sue for everything. Again, spoiling it for all.

whackamole · 16/03/2012 14:18

Erm....YABU.

I have just toilet trained my twins and we go out. I have a 4 month old as well. I take a potty and bag with nappy sacks, spare pants etc and a pullup each just in case they really need it. Haven't had to use it yet.

It's not someone else's responsibility to see that your child can get to the toilet - it is yours. Put the baby in a buggy and sling a potty underneath.

emmanana · 16/03/2012 14:18

Lots of loos in staff areas in shops etc are a potential hazard for children as the cleaners may store bleaches/mops etc in the lavatory. If you're distracted for just a second and your DC pick up a bottle of industrial cleaner....

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