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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a strop

40 replies

slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 15:24

DP has pictures that he took before I came along of his 'friend' (doesn't see her, she's a sort of amateur porn star/married) posing naked on his car.

I assumed that after he showed them to me last time my reaction would have proved that I didn't want to see them.

Just seen on his FB account that he's saved them, so only he can see them, but AIBU to have a tantrum as they've clearly been uploaded and saved.

I'm probably being ridiculous, I think I was more annoyed about his reaction, basically 'who cares, nobody but me can see them'.

I might go and take some photos!!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 11/03/2012 15:33

Were they having a fling?

FilterCoffee · 11/03/2012 15:35

YANBU. There's no need for him to keep them, particularly if they're upsetting to you. You are his partner so your feelings should come first.

catgirl1976 · 11/03/2012 15:36

Did you ask him to get rid of them the first time he showed them to you? If you did and he hasn't then YANBU to be angry with him. If you merely said that you didn't want to see them again, then you are being a bit U.

Either way you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel

Hassled · 11/03/2012 15:39

You're not being ridiculous. It's weird and unsettling and well, weird to have pictures of a woman you know who is not your partner naked on your car. It's just fucking odd.

Don't have a tantrum - spell out slowly and clearly that you're not happy and you would like him to get rid of them. If he doesn't - well you sort of know where you come in his list of priorities.

Birdsgottafly · 11/03/2012 15:39

Have you asked himcwhy he keeps them and has he got permission to put them on his FB account?

If the security settings change they may become findable, that is disrespectful to the woman, if he doesn't have permission.

bobbledunk · 11/03/2012 15:41

There's no threat to your relationship from her so I don't think there's any point making a big deal. It's probably quite a nice picture and he's proud of his photography skillsGrin.

Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 15:44

No they weren't having a fling, he showed me last time months ago and I said I didn't want to see them and didn't understand why he'd kept them - I didn't explicitly say delete them and wouldn't tell someone to do something, I don't think he'd like it if I had photos on FB like that of someone I knew.

I'm more pissed off with the 'whatever' style attitude, at first I wasn't that bothered I just thought wtf, idiot, but it irritates me that they have been uploaded recently because he was 'testing out some new photo uploader' - why choose those photos then?

OP posts:
Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 15:46

:) Bobbledunk, the car looks good .... apart from that there's just some random trollop sprawled over it, I'll never look at the car the same.
she's not fussed what happens to the pictures, she has her own website so it won't concern her, she let him take them knowing people would see.

weird men!

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 11/03/2012 15:53

Yabu and completely overthinking it. I'm assuming this is a classic/sports car that he is justifiably proud of (if it's a 10yo mondeo then ignore me) and he has the ultimate combination of semi-naked woman and powerful car to show off to his mates.

She's married to someone else, he's chosen you, ignore. It's merely Top Trumps for Big Boys!

Speaking as someone in a relationship with a petrol head, and his good mate's wife is an ex glamor model Wink

PurplePidjin · 11/03/2012 15:57

Why not get glammed up and pose with the car yourself? If it wasn't for the fact that the classic is firmly Mine, I'd do the same for DP Grin

bobbledunk · 11/03/2012 15:57

People are weird alrightGrin

Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 15:58

well it's an ok car not particularly out of this world (think nice BMW), but she's not semi naked, there are about 200+ photos of he bent over and legs akimbo. We're not talking tasteful arty shots :)

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 11/03/2012 16:00

Bet his friends enjoy his photography too, for the car of courseGrin

Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 16:05

grabs bikini and waits by the door looking desperate

It's far too cold. I am overthinking it, he's in a mood now so I guess we're equal. Wine please.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 11/03/2012 16:29

I agree with purple, I think if he had a poster in the bedroom you might have a point, but pictures on his computer, you should let him keep them and leave him alone. I think it is a bit sad to make someone destroy photos from their life before they were with you. It smells of insecurity.

Nagoo · 11/03/2012 16:31

oh. hmm. flange shots? A bit different.

Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 16:44

well I said I'd never make him do anything like that, I don't have any issue with photos of people - he has some of his ex still on FB and I don't have a problem with it. I have ones where I went on holiday with ex's etc saved on my computer, but if I had pictures of their cocks and uploaded them to fb (or had them anyway on my computer) I'm not sure it would go down well.

Not that this has gone down well either. I don't care about the stupid pictures, I just find it odd to be told just get over it. :)

OP posts:
QuacksForDoughnuts · 11/03/2012 17:31

Purple does your dp pose on your bonnet then? ;)

bringbacksideburns · 11/03/2012 17:34

I don't think i'd be exactly chuffed he's saved them all to a special album he can look at her, when she used to be his 'friend', and she's doing porny shots. YANBU.

Kennyp · 11/03/2012 17:36

Was he friends with jessica simpson?? The boots are made for walking video???

I would be rather pissed off with dh if i was in your position.

PurplePidjin · 11/03/2012 17:37

Naked and not classic/sporty? I'd have an issue with that too then.

Undies on something nicely custom is completely normal and I have in fact bought dp car mags with similar pictures. Naked and showing bits is too close to porn for me.

Inside the camper with the curtains drawn yes, Quacks Wink

Nagoo · 11/03/2012 18:02

I don't think anyone would have told you to get over it if we knew he was veiwing her falanges.

YANBU. strop away. Grin

Original poster
slowestwildebeast · 11/03/2012 18:16

flanges!! urgh, awful word! He;s in bed having a strop with me for raising it here, so I can't even be mad at him. Typical! This is annoying me more than the muff pics, it's now turned into my fault.

I have entered a different universe clearly!

OP posts:
Nagoo · 11/03/2012 18:25

hhmmmn. Yeah, cause discussing this on an anonymous internet forum is far worse than keeping 200 pictures of his friends vagine.

PurplePidjin · 11/03/2012 18:41

Yes. You can. He has pictures of another woman naked on his computer and that crosses a boundary of trust in your relationship.

Dp moderates a large car forum. If he posted those photos he'd breach their T's and c's and be given a warning. And I've seen naked photos in their general chat area (naughty bits covered up)

So i'd say he's crossed quite a lot of people's lines!