AIBU to wake DH up

[Gloribe]

when he starts 'sleep wanking'?

Not only is it very distracting when I'm trying to concentrate on Tara Road but I also think it means there's something wrong with his brain.

He said all his brothers have done it and it's perfectly normal for a grown man to tug at himself while slumbering.

I wouldn't even mind so much but it's the 'fap fap fap' noise that goes with it. I wake him up when he starts and he is really pissed off every time. I'm kind of hoping it will break the habit.

AIBU?

It is perfectly normal. Doesn't mean you can't wake him up though. - it won't stop him because it isn't something he is consciously doing.

Are you sure he's actually asleep?

Have sex before sleep or he can jerk off - if he did this more he would probably sleep wank and irritate you less.

I am so glad that my dh doesn't do this (afaia )
Wake him up like you would if he was snoring really loudly and irritating the fuck out of you.

I think I prefer sleep wanking over shagging the bloater at the moment.

Then you have other probs apart from the wanking

Of course we do, FairyCake. But I can't leave him because he's literally, a fat wanker. Marriage is for keepsies.

Are you kidding?

Do you want to leave him? is him being fat a problem?

Would you erm, like to talk about it OP?

Well, come on, when you were a little girl (presumably) dreaming about Prince Charming, was he a 15 stone sleepwanker who lacks sexual expertise and has infected toenails?

Well I certainly didn't think so. He's not bad to me; he's never cheated; he has always pulled his considerable weight. I can hardly go to a solicitor and say 'I want to divorce this man on the grounds he is fat and smelly and a nocturnal fapper'.

Besides, I'd miss his cooking.

I was going go laugh at "fap, fap, fap" but then I read down the thread and you sound really sad. Do you want to vent about it?

Xpost

How tall is he?

Don't feel bad, honestly. I'm fine.
It's okay to laugh at fap

about 5ft 9

I've never heard this
But you have made me laugh, but I think you should be serious.
X

In that case, can I laugh at "pulled his considerable weight"?

Maybe you could address these issues with him - particularly the smelly aspect, and people can always get their toenails fixed at the choropodist.

My dh teaches and tells me to 'sit down' in his sleep but I couldn't be doing with smelliness/infected toenails - if he's tall 15 stone isn't that bad is it?

You can't stay with someone just because of their cooking.....

chiropodist

My dh just said he has never heard of this and are you completely sure he is actually asleep?

Find it hard to believe that he´s actually asleep.

It did cross my mind that he was awake and doing it for kicks/to piss me off. But his face looks asleep IYSWIM.

(Background: he will happily have a dump in front of me so has no modesty)

He won't get his toes seen to. They hurt too much. I'm hoping they'll fall off of their own accord.

A chiropodist at the place my mum works swears by Vicks Vaporub on infected toenails.

Could you get him to try that?

TBH I haven't heard of sleep wanking before, either. I reckon that's a wind up.

Thanks MissV. I'm going to buy a jar of vaporub for every bastard toe.

I want to google sleep wanking but I'm in work.