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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is this too late for dinner out for a 5 yo?

49 replies

Ismeyes · 21/01/2012 10:26

My DD is going to be a bridesmaid and the night before the couple who are getting married have arranged a meal for family. Children are welcome, but the meal is not until 8.30pm.

DD will neither nap beforehand nor sleep in the next morning. AIBU to decline the invitation on the basis that if they really wanted children there it would be earlier. We can't do a babysitter because everyone will be there as its abroad. Am I being precious? It would be ok as q one off and she can stay up late for the reception but i just think its too much to do both.

OP posts:

mnistooaddictive · 21/01/2012 10:29

I think you are right. If she stats up late for that then she is likely to be very grumpy the next day which could make things difficult!

squeakytoy · 21/01/2012 10:30

As a one off it should be fine. Do 5 year olds really need to nap???

We have often taken granddaughter who is 5 out for dinner on special occasions and she has fallen asleep in the car on the way home, but has been absolutely fine while we have been out. We take a book and crayons for if she gets a bit bored.

emeraldex · 21/01/2012 10:30

I know that my 5 yr old DS could not cope with the excitement of being in wedding party, going abroad, late dinner night before and late reception,without some SERIOUS melt down(s) So IMO YANBU to decline - like u say - if they really wanted children there it would be at a reasonable hour!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/01/2012 10:30

I would decline as you want dd to be tip top for the actual wedding day

a tired and grumpy 5 yr old in wedding pics is ever so funny to look back at is a bit awww

JustHecate · 21/01/2012 10:31

What would happen if she stayed up late?

You'd have a grumpy child the next day. Take it easy, rest up, within a day or two she'd be right as a cart. It's not like it would affect her for the rest of her life we're talking a day or two of perhaps some slight grumpiness or disruption.

Now. Normally that wouldn't be a problem. It would be the biggest ever No Big Deal However, since the next day is their wedding - it's the one time you really don't want a grumpy 5 yr old who's overtired, isn't it?

So I'd say to them, she'll be so overtired that she might not do so well as your bridesmaid tomorrow, so if you really can't bring the meal forward, I'll have to give it a miss. Got to make sure she's at her best for tomorrow!

Or - if you have a partner, they could stay with her while you go to the meal? Or you could stay while they go?

exexpat · 21/01/2012 10:32

If the dinner were the main event, then yes, I'd take her. But since it's just the precursor to the wedding, I agree that it's better for her to get to bed at her usual time and get a good night's sleep so she's less likely to be tired, grumpy and uncooperative during the wedding the next day, which is the more important event. Can you get a babysitter?

squeakytoy · 21/01/2012 10:35

I could understand these replies if it were toddler, but at 5 years old, most kids can cope. When we are on holiday, we eat later, but GD is still full of beans the next day after 8 or 9 hours sleep.

If you are eating at 8.30, just go and stay for an hour if she is really going to be too tired. She is going to be hungry and need a meal anyway.

Original poster

Ismeyes · 21/01/2012 10:36

No a 5yo does not need to nap, but I was trying to head off the let her nap beforehand replies. I honestly don't have a problem with her staying up late, we just hqve a lazy day next day, but she needs to be able to handle a long and very exciting day the next day.

OP posts:

JustHecate · 21/01/2012 10:39

I dunno. If the meal is at 8:30, then they arrive 8:30. food might not be there until 9, then it's got to be eaten - 2 courses? 3? waiting for others to finish? waiting for the next course - if you're not shovelling it down, that's got to be over an hour, maybe hour and a half, so 10 or 1030. Then getting back home/hotel. Then getting ready for bed, actually getting to sleep - which is harder when you're overtired and overexcited!

So midnight is not inconceivable. Up at the crack of dawn and a busy full day and late night. By the end of the wedding, that child is likely to be totally hyper or dreadfully grumpy or a right royal pain in the arse or fast asleep under a table

PattiMayor · 21/01/2012 10:42

I agree with you - my DS would be fine if it were a quiet day the next day but not if it was busy and exciting (like a wedding).

If the couple want a well-behaved happy bridesmaid, then they will understand surely?

Original poster

Ismeyes · 21/01/2012 10:44

Reception next day is until midnight too. Knowing my DD its likely to result in hyperactive combined with acute clumsiness and some sort of injury!

I do understand what you are saying squeaky, and I accept its maybe erring on the side of caution, but I think its the sneaking suspicion that welcoming children is just lip service or why no make it 7 or 8pm?

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 21/01/2012 10:45

If this was the actual wedding, I'd find a way to make it work.

As it is not, I would decline and give the reason that you want your DD to be at her best the following day so that none of the wedding is blighted by an overtired child.

My DD is 5 and this is what I would do in your situation.

I see plenty of children of 5 and younger out and about later at various events and places and they seem fine on it. But, like you, we can manage it if she can have a lazy day the following day but she likes to be in bed for 8.30 at the absolute latest so if we only had one chance of keeping her up late, I'd save it for the wedding day and not the meal the night before.

I'm sure they'll understand. If they don't, well then you definitely have to prioritise your daughter's needs over their selfish wishes!!

Our DD went to a couple of weddings this summer and she loved every moment of them - the ceremony, the wedding breakfast, the speeches (take colouring pencils and a book though!) and the disco in the evening and her behaviour was impeccable but she was absolutely exhausted and wouldn't have managed to be so good if she'd been overtired.

Imnotaslimjim · 21/01/2012 10:46

My DS is 5 and I wuldn't do this. If it was any normal late night out it would be fine, a lazy grumpy day the next day would sort it. But with next day being the wedding, I wouldn't chance it. Its unfair that they've put it so late and then said that kids are welcome

MollieO · 21/01/2012 10:47

I think it is asking a bit much of a 5 yr old. The next day will be full on and you want her to be at her best. If she has a late night she will be tired and grumpy at a very important service. Personally I wouldn't take her.

Original poster

Ismeyes · 21/01/2012 10:47

Yes, I can go on my own and leave DD with DH, that would be fine. But we are all expected to be there so that why I am checking if its unreasonable to decline for DD.

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 21/01/2012 10:48

I personally would plan for it, and let her stay up late a few nights beforehand so that by the time you get to the night of the meal, she would be staying up late, and staying in bed a bit later. She is going to be super hyped on the day of the wedding regardless, and likely not wanting to sleep straight away the night before. But, I also know that I can on occasions be a Bad Mum.

So, probably best to ignore my advice.

Tillyscoutsmum · 21/01/2012 10:49

YANBU. Like (almost) everyone else has said - no problem as a one off and assuming you can have a lazy day to recover but expecting her to stay up late two consecutive nights and be on her "best" bridesmaid behaviour is probably asking for trouble. I know my nearly 5 year old wouldn't be able to cope with it.

ENormaSnob · 21/01/2012 10:50

I wouldn't do it either.

Any other time i would but not the night before a big wedding.

Original poster

Ismeyes · 21/01/2012 10:52

She wont sleep in though. Even going to bed later the few nights before, I've tried it on holiday before

OP posts:

katykuns · 21/01/2012 10:58

On Christmas eve, my Mum had paid for us to go to a winter wonderland that went on till about 10pm. I was really worried she would be awful... but she did really well. After 10, she was a little less cheery (although we were all very cold etc and feeling less cheery as well).
We had had a relaxed day leading up to this, and obviously we then had Christmas day... she was absolutely fine.
I went to a family do last year, that had invited children and went from about lunchtime to 11/12pm. I didn't take my daughter for fear she would be awful (and we wanted a break!) but there were a handful of children there, and come about 9pm, the parents found a quite little space off the main party and encouraged the children to sleep, which seemed to work.
I think you can do it if you really want to, you can get round things like that :)

PavlovtheCat · 21/01/2012 10:58

Ah i see. DD would, which is why i would do it. It would take about 3 days though (and two weeks to get back to normal again ).

In that case it would need to be just one of you. Or, if restaurant is close to where you are staying, you could go along for 1 hour to have a pre wedding toast, but not full meal, put her in her jimjams before you so you can put her straight to bed at 9:30pm.

katykuns · 21/01/2012 10:59

Oh yeah, and I couldn't get my 5 year old daughter to nap AND she didn't sleep in the next day, but she still seemed to cope! x

Hulababy · 21/01/2012 11:01

My DD is a night owl and always has been. And normally I would have taken her to the meal.

But - the night before the wedding where she has an important role, and another very late night?

I would decline for DD. Let her have an early night and a good sleep so she is ready to really enjoy her day as a bridesmaid and the party the following night.

cheekyseamonkey · 21/01/2012 11:03

Like the others say, fine normally, but a BAD idea given that the wedding will be busy & exciting. It'll be overwhelming enough for her with everyone wanting to take pics of the cute bridesmaid, dance with her, strangers trying to chat to her etc. If she's exhausted too you're asking for trouble.

YANBU

Ineedadollar · 21/01/2012 11:32

I think it would have been ok if it weren't for the fact that she will need to be on top form the next day. I would decline too.

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