is this too late for dinner out for a 5 yo?

[Ismeyes]

My DD is going to be a bridesmaid and the night before the couple who are getting married have arranged a meal for family. Children are welcome, but the meal is not until 8.30pm.

DD will neither nap beforehand nor sleep in the next morning. AIBU to decline the invitation on the basis that if they really wanted children there it would be earlier. We can't do a babysitter because everyone will be there as its abroad. Am I being precious? It would be ok as q one off and she can stay up late for the reception but i just think its too much to do both.

You know your child best and how they will cope with being tired. Would just like to mention though that on hols last year, my 6 and nrly 3 yr old were out for dinner with us regularly til about 10/10.30 followed by full on days at the water slide park etc etc. I thought it was going to be a nightmare but even with no naps and not much in the way of sleep-ins, they were bright eyed, bushy tailed and in no way grumpy. I was surprised but they do seem to cope quite well!

Well, I think the bridal party has the absolute right to have the meal when they want it and shouldn't have to take into account any children who will be there. It would be very unfair to ask them to bring it forward.

Why can't you or your husband have room service in the hotel room and the other go to the dinner? Frankly, people will be glad if there are no children there. An evening meal isn't the place for five year olds, IMO - people want to have a drink and relax, without worrying about a child.

One of you could go for the starter/main and the other go for dessert and drinks afterwards.

YANBU being as the wedding is the next day.

Just a thought, have you tried explaining to her that if she wants to come to the "grown up" meal (they invariably do) then she'll need a couple of hours kip late afternoon? It works for us and our 4 year old on holiday abroad. No way does he want to miss out on being with the grown ups late at night at the tavernas etc and that's enough incentive for him to accept he has to have a nap, or he doesn't go etc. My DS is the same in that, he was an early dropper of naps etc.

I think it is unfair to be critical of them for arranging the meal at a time that doesn't suit your 5 year old. Organising things like this to suit everyone can be a nightmare as I know from experiernce. For example my aunt is diabetic and was insistent about a short timespan the meal had to start within. My sil wanted a totally different time because of her kids. And other relatives wanted it later so they could have some downtime to relax after a long travel.

This isn't the main event, so do whatever you think will work best. But don't be critical of the couple for choosing a time that isn't perfect for you.

DD would have been fine with two late nights in a row when she was five, but then she regularly stays up a bit later if we are eating out/with friends and is very used to going to restaurants and knows how to behave. If you think your DD wouldn't be able to handle it then it isn't fair on anyone to take her. Nothing worse than a whingy child when you're trying to have a meal and chat to friends.

Yanbu I would decline, as you want her to be well rested the next day, she is bm and I would not like to risk a meltdown.

My ds would be horrid by 5pm the next day - and as he wouldn't be hungry at a meal at that time (and tbh, I'd struggle at a dinner not starting till 8.30), I'm not sure how behaviour would stand up. Very different being out at an event than a dinner ime.

I'd definitely decline. Perfectly reasonable. You know your child best, do what suits her best. My kids would be grumpy as hell the next day, and the wedding would be a nightmare from start to finish.

My twin girls are 5 and I would have no problem letting them stay up for that but not if they were being bridesmaids the next day. Huge exciting day and one you will all want to enjoy. Chances are with an overtired dd the next day would be a nightmare.

We had a similar situation last year when my sister got married. There was a huge family lunch the day after the wedding. Thankfully it was opposite way round than yours and girls had had a really long lie that morning so were fine for the lunch

You know your own child OP

Nothing anyone can say on here will change that.

Some 5yr olds would handle that and the following day perfectly and some wouldn't.

No harm in declining, but I don't think you need to feel critical of them. As Worra says, some children could handle it and others couldn't. You know what your children are like but can't expect others to know. There is no such thing as a generic 5yo.

I don't feel critical of them and I wouldn't dream of asking them to bring it forward either just for my DD. I would be glad if there were no children there too! That is what I am saying, I think they don't really want children there, but feel like they should invite them and so have done.

Thanks for all the replies, I don't think my DD will handle it well, so I will decline the invitation for her and go along myself.

Yanbu, if it was just the dinner it would be fine but with the wedding the next day I wouldn't want to risk a tired and grumpy bridesmaid the next day. I'm sure if you explain this they'll understand. I have no problem with the odd late night but would be wary of having one the night before the wedding.

I think uts ok for you not to go the meal will go on till 10ish and your dd will need to be up and about to be a bridesmaid another long day , Just say you would rather she was in bed thansk but no thanks ,

I'd go. But I'm laid back.

My 6 yr old turns into a screaming monster at around 8.30pm. I'd say no for her going but maybe you could go if you have dp to look after dd. Unless she's the laid back type who can handle this type of thing - will fall asleep in a chair or something.

'children are welcome' means 'it's ok to bring them' - it doesn't mean you have to bring them.

they have quite sensibly picked a time that suits the majority (the adults) and children who can fit in with that are welcome, those who can't should get an early night, you and your dh will just have to fight it out over babysitting duties

YABU don't be so precious. One late night won't kill her. On our holiday in Spain it was so hot during the day our 5 and 3 year old stayed up until 10/11/12 most nights like the Spanish children to no obvious ill effect.

YANBU - and it depends on your kid. If you are going to EU continent you see lots of kids up late in the hols. That's fine - they're nappingin the day.

We take our kid to Italy every year and he's fine but he cannot nap as it's not normal here - it will take time for him to start to get used to a nap and by the time he does start to nap in the day it's the day before we come back home then we have the problem of trying to get him NOT to nap over here.

It's a one off but ifyou dc can't deal but you can go - then do it.Enjoy it.

YANBU. realistically you wouldn't be back until 11pm, and then she would need to wind down before bed. I don't think my 5yo could manage this without being awful the next day.

Normally AIBU wedding threads are along the lines of "they aren't inviting children so we aren't going" here they have not only invited but included children, but you are expecting them to go the whole hog and schedule meals around them. So, YABU if you expect them to accommodate. If you are happy to make alternative arrangements that suit you, then so much the better.