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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get peed off with people who have done something

46 replies

EauDeLaPoisson · 04/01/2012 21:46

And it worked out okay for them they can declare 'it's easy' or 'it's not that bad why are they making such a fuss'
This discussion is of course sparked by stupid status updates about one born every minute!

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 04/01/2012 22:02

YANBU

It's not a bloody competition. And tbf that woman birthed a virtual toddler!

McHappyPants2012 · 04/01/2012 22:04

not giving birth, but giving up smoking is a bitch of a thing to do.......people are asking how it is going i say it is ok, not that bad....but i am tired, stressed, chest killing, throat killing and i feel like i have cold coming. I just don't like discussing personal matters in real life.

Original poster
EauDeLaPoisson · 04/01/2012 22:12

Oh yes it's like smug wankers who say 'it's easy to give up I did it first time' or 'can't lose weight? Eat less, move more it's not rocket science'

OP posts:
flamegirl77 · 05/01/2012 05:50

'I did x and my baby sleeps 16 hours at night.' Well flipping done, your baby doesn't have my baby's annoying challenging interesting personality.

TroublesomeEx · 05/01/2012 09:31

Oh I know.

My SIL is pregnant and so far is showing no signs of sickness. I said she was really fortunate and I hoped it continued because my extreme sickness really ruined both my pregnancies. Her SIL was there and she was very sick for a few weeks and then it stopped. So it was a lighthearted sharing of experiences.

I was so sick that I was lighter when I had had DD than I was before I got pregnant. She was born by EMCS prematurely because she had stopped growing and I had reduced liquor which was put down to my sickness meaning I wasn't eating anything. It was awful.

My dad's wife was there, who was pregnant at the same time as I had DD and had no sickness whatsoever, just a little nausea until she'd eaten breakfast announced that morning sickness was a case of mind over matter. And that if my SIL didn't want to have morning sickness, she didn't have to - it was just a matter of deciding that she wouldn't give in to it. Fucking stupid ignorant little witch.

Probably a bit of a hijack - sorry - but it really annoyed me and i've been waiting for a chance to vent!! Grin

NinkyNonker · 05/01/2012 10:28

Oh yes, a friend announcing that a good birth was all a matter of preparation. Errr, thanks.

entropyglitter · 05/01/2012 12:49

ohhh I actually got the other thing yesterday...I was all 'oh your baby is so calm and chilled' and the parent said 'god it has nothing to do with us - thats just the way he is'

Did you know that if you cause treats to be produced at random time intervals from a machine with lots of buttons and dials on it, then after a few hours a person left in the room with the machine will confidently tell you exactly which combination of buttons/dials you must operate to make the treat come out?

We are, as a species, absolute suckers for thinking we control things we actually have no or very little control over.....

Laquitar · 05/01/2012 13:56

Hmm sometimes people might say 'its not very hard' meaning 'it is do-able', 'you can do it'. Maybe they are trying to encourage you i.e. in giving up smoking.

I fight the opposite more annoying tbh i.e. 'Oh wait and you will see. You 'll be sick every day all day, you will be 20 stones, you will cry every day, you will never have sex again, no friends, no social life, no clean house, no hobbies....'.

Original poster
EauDeLaPoisson · 05/01/2012 14:01

I am a mum of two and never feel the need to put my words of wisdom 'out there' even if I have experience others have not been through. I just don't get why some others claim to be the oracle of things because things worked out their way.

OP posts:
Serenitysutton · 05/01/2012 14:02

I'm getting very annoyed by a friends family on FB.

her baby has colic and acid reflux and doesn't sleep much.
Friend was BF
Family post many comment about how baby just has to come off the breast then she'll sleep
family get annoyed shes not listening (doing as they say) its her first baby and they've had loads so they know what they're talking about.

Friend stops BF

baby's sleep no better

Family tell her she has to go on hugry baby milk

Friend tells them midwifes advised against it

"what does a midwife know? I've had millions of babies and I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING about"

Baby goes on hungry baby milk

babies sleep no better

Friend has to use a different brand. try loads- the aim is to "fill her up"

I don't know if i'm being unfair but I'm just mystified none of them have considered it might be something else except hunger (i.e acid reflux pain)

Honeydragon · 05/01/2012 14:04

I had hyperemisis with both pg complete with regular hospitalisation. With ds I kept believing people saying I was making a fuss over nothing and to keep trying to eat and get on. At 5 months pg I weighed 6 stone.

With dd it was a lot easier to tell Smuggy McSmuggersons to Jeff off Grin

lesley33 · 05/01/2012 14:04

YANBU. But sometimes things others find hard, we can find easy.

For example, I found it very hard to lose weight and keep it off - very hard. I actually found it really easy to give up smoking and wondered why I hadn't done it before.

Honeydragon · 05/01/2012 14:08

I find the giving up smoking thing quite interesting as you never hear any middle ground. People either go oh use such and such I did and gave up straight away. Or others go through all sorts of products and reactions, and get every bug known to man at the same tome too Sad

I was in the easy camp for smoking, but have a huge amount of respect and goodwill for anyone quitting.

entropyglitter · 05/01/2012 14:10

serenity that is really sad!

Original poster
EauDeLaPoisson · 05/01/2012 14:12

I found giving up smoking a piece off piss, that's not to say I'd declare 'it's easy' and state others are making a fuss/weak/pathetic etc

OP posts:
ThePopsicleKat · 05/01/2012 14:21

I find it unbelievably irritating when people declare that losing weight and being thin and healthy is a piece of piss. Especially when those people have never actually been on a diet in their lives, they've just gone off their food for a few days and the scales have dropped half a stone. They have no idea the stamina it can take for people who have a lot of weight to lose, to keep up the momentum for months and years, and then to keep it off afterwards for the rest of their lives.

TeaCider · 05/01/2012 14:26

I was lucky to only ever have mild morning sickness in my pregnancies, even so the line "ooh have you tried a ginger biscuit?" still rankles. Sorry a bit of a tangent there. Grin

fraggle500 · 05/01/2012 14:31

Honeydragon,

I too had hyperemisis, and was told frequently by EX MIL to stop making a fuss, in her day you "just got on with it"! That was when I was in hospital on a drip weighing 4 1/2 stone at 12 weeks pregnant, with the on set of kidney failure. If only I knew, to just get on with it, I could of saved myself all the bother. ;-)

thefurryone · 05/01/2012 14:31

Teacider I used to get an overwhelming urge to slap the people recommending ginger biscuits. Horrible things used to make me feel more not less sick.

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 05/01/2012 14:34

The losing weight thing is not a piece of piss. I am currently 40lbs off with another 40 to go and boy oh boy it is hard not to give in. It has got easier but still........(think stomach has shrunk)

The giving up smoking - only managed that by getting pg (oh yes that is the reason I now need to lose the weight!)

Morning sickness - I ate all sorts of crap as I craved carbs to stop me from retching.

Sleeping through the night baby - one did it from 9 weeks, one is 16 months and only just started. Done the same thing with both

Fill up the child it will sleep better - actually mine do better not being quite so full........

Smuggy McSmuggersons make my teeth itch and my blood boil.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 05/01/2012 14:38

But this is why such a conspiracy of silence exists about good births. My birth with ds was fabulous, but in real life I can't talk about it as it seems to make people feel bad. Nothing smug about it at all, I was very lucky. And ditto weight loss. I was a heffer after ds. Once I got my focus, it was easy. It was the half-arsed attempts I'd made before I got to the end of my tether and had enough of being so fat that were difficult, because in my heart of hearts I really couldn't be bothered. Anything you do that you don't really want to will seem hard.

entropyglitter · 05/01/2012 14:43

fuckity I dont think there is a problem with saying you found something easy as long as you dont assume that a) it is easy for everyone or b) you are a better person for finding it easy than someone who finds it hard

I find maths and physics easy but I have never yet told someone that means that they should to or that they are a lesser being because they dont.

btw I know you havent done that...I am just pointing out that it should be fine to say you find things easy, it is all the people who take that too far into assuming finding something easy means anything....

gah...hope that is clearer than it seems

fuzzynavel · 05/01/2012 14:48

YANBU to some extent.

Birth of DS took 30 hours! so, no, not bloody easy.

DS now 14 and a very easy child/teen.

Depends really on experience. Mind you, don't like the ones smug, smartarse bastards that brag on an on about "easy" Grrr. Especially if they know you and your circumstances over the particular issue.

Cherriesarelovely · 05/01/2012 14:50

I agree, it is very annoying and feels judgemental even if it isn't!

Honeydragon · 05/01/2012 14:54

fuckity dd's birth was a breeze, I like you say I was lucky with her birth. I don't say it was my doing. Please don't feel you can't share it in my experience people like hearing nice straight forward birth stories.

However I had a horrific experience with ds ending in a emergency csection - and the amount of people keen to tell me what I did wrong and how I could have avoided it Hmm

fraggle same here, took the start kidney failure to make my colleagues at work and SiL to realise I may actually have been unwell and not "malingering"