To get peed off with people who have done something

[EauDeLaPoisson]

And it worked out okay for them they can declare 'it's easy' or 'it's not that bad why are they making such a fuss'
This discussion is of course sparked by stupid status updates about one born every minute!

[Honeydragon]

But you are lucky if you find something easy, it might be down to your superior awesomeness but you are still lucky.

And not everything is about will power, fighting against inexhaustible odds is one of the very very best things about humanity. People who simply can't appreciate others battles, who are effectively dismissive of them ... well perhaps they never go threw life truly appreciating joy either.

[MixedBerries]

Poppy's my mum in disguise. Hi Mum! How's the shoulder?

[entropyglitter]

wannabe I feel like we had this conversation already today? but why should the level of will power you have been blessed with be any less based on the luck of the draw than your level of intelligence, physical attractiveness or the size of your pelvic space?

You would think it odd if someone said I am a good person because I am smart or pretty but you seem to think you should be congratulated on your will power which seems no less a genetic property that is none of your doing at all?

[whataremyoptions]

WannaBe my post pregnancy weightloss is down to luck. The only personal input I've had is to stuff myself full of cake - seriously! It defies all diet logic I've ever known.

[Figgyrollsintoapudding]

My second birth was lovely for me, I enjoyed it and would do it again - well you know without the pain bit and the failed epidural - however the pushing phase -

[wannaBe]

I think competitive wallowing is far more annoying.

"Oh I had the pregnancy/birth/non sleeping baby from hell/can never lose weight/can't give up smoking... anyone who can is just lucky and nothing else."

Pregnancy and birth is IMO natural and we have no control over those. Ditto sleep in the first few months.
but

A lot of toddlers' non sleep is IMO down to parents' exhaustion and desire for a quiet life. It's a lot easier to bring a child into your bed/give in to demands for milk in the dead of night/lie with them until they go to sleep than it is to put yourself through a child crying for a few nights as you return them to bed with the instruction that it's sleep time. I am talking toddlers who don't have health problems and who are verbal here. I know of people who have to lie with their five year olds until they go to sleep because "he can't fall asleep otherwise," the only reason that happens is if you allow it to happen.

Wrt weight loss and giving up smoking, of course it's hard. But it's not impossible. It's a matter of willpower and persiveerance, but there's no such thing as someone who "can't give up smoking" or "can't lose weight," but it comes down to personal input at the end of the day, and those who manage it should not be told that it's all about luck because it isn't.

[whataremyoptions]

I enjoyed my second birth too. It wasn't "easy" and I screamed the hospital down but was euphoric about it. I don't think anyone quite understands unless they've been there! I also don't think I'd ever tell anyone it was easy or mind over matter. It just worked out better than I'd hoped.

[Figgyrollsintoapudding]

And as far as weightloss goes, yup I want to be thin and glamourous and wear whatever I want without looking like a twat, but I also want to eat yummy tasty food and cake and chocolate . The fact that it takes such a long time to lose weight and then you have to maintain it makes it very hard, it may be a case of eat less and move more BUT it is if a whole life change and perhaps one that if it takes a long time to get to goal can get lost somewhere along the way. just because you have fab genes and only put on 7lbs during your pg and lost it all within a couple of weeks does not mean that it is like that for everyone, infact you are the lucky one and a bit of a freak tbh. And no you judging me is not appropriate!

And breathe

(that really wasn't to anyone in particular, just a vent at comments that I have recieved )

[Figgyrollsintoapudding]

Mind you my mil has competitive disasters too......

[EauDeLaPoisson]

I had a similar experience when I had DD. She came four weeks early yes it was painful but uncomplicated and I too was on a high for ages even thinking about baby number two as I loved it do much. However I said it went well for me and I was fortunate not 'oh it's easy'
Fast forward to DS and the pregnancy and birth couldn't have been more different. That's not to say because of this experience I'd tell everyone birth is 'hard' either, I just urge people to be a bit more open minded

[Quenelle]

'Just bring the baby with you, he can sleep on the washing line in the middle of a brass band beginners' practice. All of mine did.'

[WhatstheScenario]

YANBU.

I have a colleague who has had 3 quick, 'easy' waterbirths (two at home) and is often to be heard banging on about how natural and straightforward birth is.

I had an emergency section with my first after four days of agonising labour, then hypermesis and OC with my second pregnancy and an elective section (which was a piece of piss, but not 'natural' obviously).

Also struggled with mastitis and a revolting breast abcess when I was breastfeeding my first (was hospitalised for it) and then it came back when BF-ing my second.

So, NO. It isn't all whale music and gentle breathing for some of us. I am not bitter (honest!). I am all for supporting pregnant women and staying on the positive side of things rather than dreading the worst, but it can be very tough for some people.

[whataremyoptions]

For some reason I lose the baby weight without even trying. Despite a diet of cake since DD2 arrived, I have lost all the weight. But when other mums comment at baby groups I don't know how to respond without sounding smug. I know I'm just lucky as I've had weight problems in the past and really struggle with cravings. I'd never say it was easy though, just genetics I assume.

[MixedBerries]

Oh, and she always went on about how she had two drug-free labours until I asked my dad. Apparently she was off her tits on gas and air.

[MixedBerries]

Oh goodness me. My mum is the queen of this art form. She never had pregnancy problems so no-one has pregnancy problems and they're making it up. She never had bf problems so she doesn't understand why anyone would find it hard. She's never had panic attacks and anyone who does is just being silly. It was interesting when she got RSI and got signed off work for 8 weeks in agony. Before then, RSI was a made-up condition and just all in the mind.

[Laquitar]

Imo some things, like pregnancy/birth/newborn there is no much you can do so there is no point comparing your situation with others.

In cases like giving up smoking/getting fit/retraing/changing career etc i personally like positive stories as they motivate me.

[Becaroooo]

I think for me the worst was a complete stranger who rang my door bell trying to collect for a charity.

My ds1 was a very poorly baby and I had been up all night for approx 4 nights and must have looked like hell.

Cue ds1 crying (as I had put him down to answer the door) and he asked if I was getting much sleep.

Me: "No, He wakes every 40 mins day and night"
Him: "You need to put him in his own room and leave him to cry - its the only way"
Me: Mumbled something and shut the door.

How I wish I could go back in time and tell him to fuck off and then, when he got there,, fuck off some more!

[Honeydragon]

After I had dd the MW on the ward was evil though. As it was getting late I agreed to stay over on the ward rather than end up going home at midnight as it meant dh could go and collect ds from my mums.


I'd had a straight forward birth and my paper work and discharge had turned up in the small hours, so I had got up, showered and stuck on a bit of slap whilst dd was sleeping. On my ward was a lady waiting to be induced with her first who was fed up as had got no sleep due to the faulty ward buzzer going off every 15 minutes, and another lady who had been brought back in as she was struggling to feed her baby and was understandably upset and weepy.

What no one needed was the MW coming in and going "Oooooh don't you look fabulous, practically got your figure back already and up and about and busy. doesn't she look good?"

She remained completely oblivious to my "shut the fuck up you evil cow stare" as well as the death stares from the adjacent beds.

Thankfully I already had chatted to both ladies and knew they were lovely so i was forgiven.

[EauDeLaPoisson]

Fuckity- comments such as 'things are difficult if you don't want to do them' are exactly what I'm talking about.
And how is saying you had a good/easy birth anything like poo poo-ing someone else finding it hard/painful whilst watching one born every minute for instance? The comment was 'oh shut up its not as bad as she's making out'

[Honeydragon]

fuckity dd's birth was a breeze, I like you say I was lucky with her birth. I don't say it was my doing. Please don't feel you can't share it in my experience people like hearing nice straight forward birth stories.

However I had a horrific experience with ds ending in a emergency csection - and the amount of people keen to tell me what I did wrong and how I could have avoided it


fraggle same here, took the start kidney failure to make my colleagues at work and SiL to realise I may actually have been unwell and not "malingering"

[Cherriesarelovely]

I agree, it is very annoying and feels judgemental even if it isn't!

[fuzzynavel]

YANBU to some extent.

Birth of DS took 30 hours! so, no, not bloody easy.

DS now 14 and a very easy child/teen.

Depends really on experience. Mind you, don't like the ones smug, smartarse bastards that brag on an on about "easy" Grrr. Especially if they know you and your circumstances over the particular issue.

[entropyglitter]

fuckity I dont think there is a problem with saying you found something easy as long as you dont assume that a) it is easy for everyone or b) you are a better person for finding it easy than someone who finds it hard

I find maths and physics easy but I have never yet told someone that means that they should to or that they are a lesser being because they dont.

btw I know you havent done that...I am just pointing out that it should be fine to say you find things easy, it is all the people who take that too far into assuming finding something easy means anything....

gah...hope that is clearer than it seems