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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset on Christmas Day?

32 replies

NotaDisneyMum · 25/12/2011 16:52

My DD is spending Christmas with her dad this year; we alternate years, and I'm fine with that (been enjoying some 'us' time with DP) but I've just spoken to DD on the phone and I asked her in a lighthearted way 'did Santa come?' to which she replied 'Dad told me that he doesn't exist' Sad

Shes 11, so I know she doesn't believe - but I don't ever remember my parents 'telling' me - it was part of the fun of Christmas, pretending to believe Wink

I know she'll play along for DSS when we 'do' Christmas next week - but I'm sad that her dad has taken that fun away, it seems a shame Sad

OP posts:
theincredibequeenofwands · 25/12/2011 16:54

That is a shame. Miserable sod!!

:(

starshaker · 25/12/2011 16:54

Mean old grinch and YANBU

belgo · 25/12/2011 16:55

You feel sad, but did your dd sound sad on the phone? As you've said, she knew he doesn't exist. Maybe you are sad that she is growing up?

inchoccyheaven · 25/12/2011 16:57

It is a shame, was she upset about it? My 11 and 9 yr olds still believe and I am glad it has lasted this long. I would never come out and tell them outright and don't remember asking my parents either. Pretending is all part of it when they know I hope otherwise I'm not looking forward to it in the future :(

You will make up for it I am sure when she is home :)

Sillyoldelf · 25/12/2011 16:57

He might have done her a favour - she may feel like a burden has been lifted by not having to play along.

belgo · 25/12/2011 17:02

Agree with Sillyoldelf.

have you read :

this

Sillyoldelf · 25/12/2011 17:26

Have read that 'belgo - I think if you know your child no longer believes , then you need to acknowledge it , get a bit honestly flowing and find a way together, to still enjoy the magic of Christmas .

BluddyMoFo · 25/12/2011 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 25/12/2011 17:33

Well, I'm prepared to take the risk that she will be 'burdened' (how do DCs with younger siblings cope if they have to keep up the pretence?)
I've told DD that Santa only comes in our house if you 'believe' Wink

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 25/12/2011 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 25/12/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 25/12/2011 17:38

Goodness, I'm obviously old fashioned!

Does Santa, and the tooth fairy, stop visiting DCs once they stop 'believing' then?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 25/12/2011 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sillyoldelf · 25/12/2011 17:43

bluddymofo yes you are entirely right with everything you said.

Sillyoldelf · 25/12/2011 17:44

If he didn't get her any presents then I think you and ex-p are unreasonable .

upahill · 25/12/2011 17:50

At 11 there is no reason for her not to no so YABU.
DS2 is 12 and he hasn't believed for years but has humoured me.

Of course 'Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy' still come but it is said as a laugh and we all get a lot of enjoyment and fun out of that!!

I bet she has known for a long time - she just didn't want to hurt your feelings and this was the perfect excuse to drop the pretence.

Let it go!

upahill · 25/12/2011 17:52

Oh and while DS2 was a lot younger DS1 was in on the 'Father Christmas' story. It made him feel grown up that he knew and he didn't once spoil it for DS2.

zipzap · 25/12/2011 18:08

Santa still left me my stocking until I was well past 30, I wasn't complaining! :o

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 25/12/2011 18:30

I think I've been misunderstood Wink

I don't expect her to believe, and don't think that she does! I had hoped to 'keep up the pretence', as you have described and I was doing on the phone by asking 'if Santa had been?' and was upset that she didn't pay along, because her dad had told her it wasn't real Sad

I don't know if her dad got her santa presents - her reply to my question was 'dad told me he's not real' so I guess not Sad

OP posts:
upahill · 25/12/2011 18:54

I hear you nota Disneymum I get you are feeling sad that she hasn't gone along with the pretence.
What I found worked well in this house was when DS2 rolled his eyes and said 'Mummmmmmm!!!! there is no father christmas!!' I just gave him a deathly stare and asked would he like to rethink that statement as there are always consequences!!!!

He still believes!! (to shut me up! Grin )

hiddenhome · 25/12/2011 19:06

There seems to be quite a few fathers this year who seem intent on telling their kids that Santa doesn't exist Hmm

Miserable bastards Angry

Chandon · 25/12/2011 19:08

come on guys, she is 11, eleven!

hiddenhome · 25/12/2011 19:10

It doesn't matter how old these kids are. The blokes are still being miserable. Kids find out through their friends that Santa doesn't exist. Don't parents get any joy from pretending anymore?

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 25/12/2011 19:51

At 4pm last night I visited Santa in his secret command centre in the woods in the arctic circle...he so does bloody exist....Xmas Grin

Cheer up op, he is a lovely legend that you can both learn more about next year....why would so many countries have such a similar figure?

sitandnatter · 25/12/2011 20:11

What's the point in lying to a child when they know you're lying, it's daft. I agree totally in getting the older children to help with the pretence for their younger still believing siblings. But if the child doesn't believe then who is the pretence for the child or the parents? The father has done no harm just been more honest than the mum IMO.

Ducks for cover.

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