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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DH should stop smoking?

29 replies

RSM1 · 06/12/2011 22:44

My nearly 3 year old son told me tonight he wants to smoke like daddy when he grows up. I've just ordered the free quit smoking kit I've seen on a tv advert. Planning to wrap it up and put it under the tree.

OP posts:

MrsRhettButler · 06/12/2011 22:46

Think he should keeps it from the dc's. Lots of my friends smoke and their young dc have no idea.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 06/12/2011 22:46

YANBU but your DH will only stop when and if HE wants to, and nothing anyone can say or do can make him until he is ready. I hope he does though - you never know, it could be just the little push he needs.

MrsRhettButler · 06/12/2011 22:47

Although my dd told me the same thing once and it was a contributing factor in me giving up.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2011 22:47

Urgh, don't. You can teach your son that smoking isn't good for you without degrading his father. Your husband can reinforce the teaching by saying that he wished he didn't smoke. Do you really think your idea is helpful?

What will you do tomorrow if your son decides that he'd like to be a lion tamer when he grows up? Have them all rounded up and shot?

Original poster

RSM1 · 06/12/2011 22:49

DH thought he WAS keeping it hidden.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 22:50

Exactly what Lying said

Also, he has to want to quit and be ready to.

Your son's only 3, by the time he's older he'll know all about the dangers of smoking and he'll either start or not...probably guided by his friends rather than his Dad.

MrsRhettButler · 06/12/2011 23:09

I'm sorry but he's clearly not trying to keep it hidden, how hard is it to hide something from a 2 yo?

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 23:12

Would you ban your husband from drinking too if your son said he wanted to have a pint of beer like daddy?

Children have to accept that what adults choose to do is because they are adults. So long as your husband is not sitting there puffing smoke in his childs face, then it is upto him if he wants to smoke or not.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 06/12/2011 23:13

You wrapping a stopping smoking kit will have the opposite effect, mark my words.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 23:14

It could also cause a huge row on Christmas morning.

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 06/12/2011 23:16

YANBU to want him to give up but like others have said, he'll only do it when he's ready. My 4 year old knows DP smokes like a chimney but she hates him smoking and tells him off. She says they stink, they will make him poorly and they cost too much money She earwigs alot on adult conversations obviously.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 06/12/2011 23:18

My DS told my step-sister that he wouldn't cuddle her because she was 'smelly of smoking' he was about 2 at the time. She hasn't touched a cigarette since However I agree that the kit might cause arguments, and he will only give up when he is ready. (SS wanted to but needed that 'final push')

SolidGoldVampireBat · 06/12/2011 23:18

It's up to him whether he smokes or not. And giving a smoker stop-smoking kits as unasked-for gifts is wanky and controlling.

BlissfulMistletoe · 06/12/2011 23:19

sounds controlling to me.

smoking is an addiction. it is up to him when and if he wants to give up smoking.

smartyparts · 06/12/2011 23:20

I fail to see how you can keep smoking a secret.

Smokers stink.

Aside from that, smokers only quit when they want to, imo.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 23:23

Put it this way OP

If you were overweight and unhealthy, would you appreciate a Weight Watchers book and an exercise DVD on Christmas morning?

mayorquimby · 06/12/2011 23:30

"Planning to wrap it up and put it under the tree."

Yup because the way to ensure that christmas goes well is to wrap up a passive aggressive remark about what you consider to be a partners flaw.

wherearemysocks · 07/12/2011 00:22

If its a free kit then get it and have a proper chat with him about it and offer the kit to him, but as the others said don't risk ruining Christmas by putting it under the tree.

A close friend of mine finally quit after years of her kids nagging her and guilt tripping her. She did give up in the end and they both smoke now (they are adults now btw).

I'm very sympathetic to you though, my dh still smokes, says he wants to give up but has not managed it yet :(

dancingmustard · 07/12/2011 01:32

There's an old saying my mam used to use.
"Do as I say not as I do"
Kids see adults/parents do lots of things that they themselves are not allowed to do.
Smoking is crap but it's an addiction your husband will have to be ready to give up to actually give up.

19111990 · 07/12/2011 01:48

My brothers girl friend done that... just didnt put it under the christmas tree.

She brought my brother a kit to help him stop smoking when she found out she was pregnant. He hasnt touched a ciggy since thats after 15 years of smoking

mrswattnot · 07/12/2011 02:26

My DP smokes 20 a day, I hate it and our 4 yr old DD knows it is bad for him and says thing like " I don't want you to die Daddy".

I sent off for that free Quit Kit thinking it may contain useful info or patches etc to try. The kit is laughable and a complete waste of NHS money. It contains a reward chart with stickers with things like " doing well", "well done" and smiley sunshines. My DD liked it. My DP laughed at the stress toy which supposedly would stop him wanting a cigarette if he played with it.

We're expecting another DC and I'd love for him to quit before its born but he has to want to and I doubt he will.

dancingmustard · 07/12/2011 02:48

Not one of my children ever asked if I was going to die because i'm a smoker.
The government has way too much power over the minds of our children.

pootlebug · 07/12/2011 03:00

Wow, that's going to be cheerful on Christmas morning isn't it?

I understand you'd like him to stop, but I don't think your plan is the best way forward in that regard. Have you told him what your son said? How did he react?

FWIW my Dad is the child of two smokers. Their smoking made him hate the smell of fags so much that he's never touched one.

recall · 07/12/2011 03:43

I have an idea, how about buying him an electric cigarette ?

I smoke one, there is no smell, no passive smoking issues. You can just have the odd drag now and then without having to smoke a whole fag. A great deal less damaging to health because it is just vaporised water, nicotine and tobacco flavouring. Because there is no smell, it is easy to have a crafty puff without the kids seeing. I keep mine in my pocket all the time. Best thing to do, is get two batteries (the long white part) so you use one whilst the other is charging, and keep swapping them over. I use nicolites, but there are loads of different makes now.

recall · 07/12/2011 03:47

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_cigarette

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