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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh should get the snip

40 replies

thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 20:50

We have two dc. I really can't imagine having more. I don't have wonderful pregnancies and seem to go a bit mad postnatally!

Pill gives me weight issues, hated mirena and other options seem equally unappealling...

AIBU thinking we could just sort this by dh getting the snip? Would like a guarantee that I'll have no more surprises. Don't see me relaxing without. Does anyone have another suggestion that they actually found reliable and not too disruptive?

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 17/10/2011 20:53

Dh was all set to have his but I disuaded him due to fear of post-vasectomy pain. Plus we both are very happy with condoms.

I don't know anyone who suffers pvp, but for me it wasn't worth the risk. Dh moans like hell if he gets a paper cut! I have absolutely no faith in our local surgical consultant too.

SpookhettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/10/2011 20:57

His body, his choice.

Imagine if it was the other way around, your DH thought you should be sterilized, as the snip was too unappealing.

Popbiscuit · 17/10/2011 21:00

Oh my Goodness; just do it all ready! It's so easy. Quick, simple, very little pain (just a bit of discomfort for a day or two). No way NEAR being in the same category as pregnancy and childbirth or even pill taking or coil-usage.

Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 21:03

Yes I know it is his choice...he seems up for having a army more children is the thing. Before we had dc he thought one or two I thought four +...what did I know...pregnancy is sickness from day 21 to the day before I give birth in both cases! Didn't want a only child but now I have two I just can't imagine being pregnant again.

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 17/10/2011 21:09

I totally sympathise, as I had hyperemesis during pg and if I got pg again, it would be a disaster.

But ANY surgery carries a risk. I wouldn't use the pill or IUD either. Too invasive.

Have you tried condoms lately. I love 'em!

Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 21:10

I will show him that Popbiscuit...(and the rest obviously). I told him I was going to canvass opinion...
I'm too worried about getting pregnant to be much fun at the moment. dc concieved one while on pill and one when had sex once at the wrong time of the month...I thought. A little paranoid now.

OP posts:
carabos · 17/10/2011 21:13

Seems to me that you don't want any more children, but your DH possibly does. That being so, I rather wonder why it's him you want sterilised? His vasectomy doesn't affect your fertility you know. YABU.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 17/10/2011 21:19

YABU - your husband wants more kids!

Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 21:22

Yes but he doesn't get hyperemesis and then sob with postnatal depression for 4 months for every dc we have...

I would have more dc if it was a straight forward as all that.

OP posts:
naturalbaby · 17/10/2011 21:24

coil? i'm trying the injection and if that's no good the coil is next on my list.

have you asked him? it's his body, if he doesn't want the snip you can't make him!

ceebeegeebies · 17/10/2011 21:24

Not really sure what you are asking but clearly it needs to be a joint decision but mainly his as he is the one that would not be able to have any more children - it is a HUGE decision.

If it is experiences that you are after, my DH had it done and says it was the best decision he could have made. No regrets (but we had both totally agreed that our family was complete), pain was minimal, no side-effects and brought back a little spontaneaity to our sex life (well, as much as you can with 2 young DC Wink) However, my colleague's DH had it done and has suffered with both pain and mental issues since which she thinks was because he had it done as a spur of the moment thing due to them conceiving DC3 accidentally so hadn't really thought it through (not sure if this is the case).

roseum · 17/10/2011 21:25

What about one of the long term implants - for you I mean? Have never had one, so can't comment on what they are like, but at least with them you don't have to keep remembering to take a pill, or worry about a condom splitting or whatever.

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/10/2011 21:25

he wants more children, so yabu.

however if the NHS will not do a female sterlisation having it done private cost £1385 if that is an option for you

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 17/10/2011 21:27

If you decide that as a couple you are not going to have any more children, then yes, it's the easiest/safest solution. If he still wants more children and is hoping you will change your mind then I can understand him saying 'not yet', but then that leaves you worrying about the contraception. Maybe you need to make him see that No means No - not Not now.?

Beamur · 17/10/2011 21:34

It has to be a joint decision, and like an earlier poster said, his body, his choice ultimately.
Whilst it may have no relevance to you, my Dad had the snip believing his parenting was done, but then ended up divorced and remarried to a younger woman who wanted children - he had several painful and not wholly successful operations and after 10 years of trying finally had a little girl.

It is a decision you could live to regret.
Personally, I wouldn't ask my DP to have it done.

Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 21:35

He is a bit squemish about the whole thing and thinks I may change my mind on the more kids front.
We have spoken about it at great length and he just thinks there is so much that I could do to take care of contraception without him having to do this. I did not enjoy the pill and dd conceived whilst on it and mirena killed sex life dead!
Maybe the injection would work though after mirena and pill I am wary of more hormones...
I was just wondering about other experiences and whether there was any contraceptive option I might not have thought of that would give me the certainty I want.

OP posts:
smokinaces · 17/10/2011 21:37

I read about a new form of sterilisation for women today. I cant remember its name now (and cant find the article bloody typical) but its basically inserting little coils into the fallopian tubes. Its done in 10 minutes, similar to coil insertion, is permenant but a lot easier for women to have done. No hormones or anything, but 99.8% effective.

If you are adament you dont want more children, maybe look into this (I think it began with E) I think YABU to expect your husband to have the snip against his wishes

cakeoclock · 17/10/2011 21:38

He has to want to. My DP is going to the docs next week to get it done. We have had 2 scares (using condoms) and as I nearly died having ds (after a horrendous tear with dd as well) there is NO WAY we are going there again, he's more than happy to do it.

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/10/2011 21:39

the cap, diaphram and female condom are great barrier methods

www.arborita.com/Medical-info/07-condom-diaphragm-cervical-cap.aspx

smokinaces · 17/10/2011 21:39

Its called Essure. Cant find the article online though.

AuntiePickleBottom · 17/10/2011 21:48

www.essure.com/

HomeEcoGnomist · 17/10/2011 21:52

To answer your Q, no, I have not found another method (apart from abstinence - but that is a whole other thread)

TBH, we have stalled a bit on this as well. I don't want any more kids, I don't think DH has really accepted that this is my final position - so we have the odd conversation where he ''jokingly'' tests the water, and I firmly repeat I don't want any more...and then it all starts again.

I get it's his body - but ...isn't it his turn to take one for the team?! After 10 years on the Pill, emergency C section & a no pain relief (not through choice!) natural birth, I do feel that I have Done My Bit.

In conversation with friends, I have also had the point put to me that in the event of divorce/my death (!) it would be unfair to deprive him of the opportunity to have more kids. I am afraid I don't sign up to that one though.

So we're at stalemate - I can't force him to do it, I don't want to ingest/insert any more hormones...so here we are. I actually can't relax, paranoid about getting pregnant - so I am sure that this contibutes to the drastically reduced sex life, but I feel I can't make this point to DH for fear of it being construed as blackmail

ho hum

Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 22:01

Thank you Auntie and smokinaces...had somehow managed to forget about the diaphram which might be a good stepping stone. Will definitely look into Essure though...that sounds like it might have potential.

Cakeoclock so glad you have two lovely children can quite see that you don't want to go there again.

Thank you all. I feel happier having some options I can look into for myself. I have looked at some of the conversations here before and only just decided to join to ask about this as it is becoming rather a point of contention.

OP posts:
Original poster
thedevilisinthedetail · 17/10/2011 22:10

HomeEcoGnomist - yes I have had it pointed out to me that if I die/or he leaves me he is still young and should be able to move on with his life! Just lovely!!

This is the same stalemate that we are moving towards. Going to have a look at some of the options mentioned here and then chat again. It was me saying that I wouldn't have sex again last night lest I got pregnant...and us going round in circles again that lead me here. Period just returned following ds and I really don't want more hormones just yet as only just recovering from going upstairs everyday to sob following baby. Something I did last time too. Condoms to unerving at this stage.

As you say ho hum

OP posts:
PooseGimples · 17/10/2011 22:55

What about the standard copper non-hormone coil? I have this and whilst personally found the procedure to fit it very unpleasant (well, the 12 hours following it wasn't nice) it works like a dream now. Periods regular, maybe a tad heavier than before but my sex drive is still in tact! I had the depo injection before which had same hormones as mirena, and it was very effective as a contraceptive as I never wanted to do it! It can stay in for up to 10 years too which is a bonus.

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