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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I in the wrong here?

37 replies

princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:17

Also posted in chat - but thought more people would see it here.
Dh just popped round the corner to FIL's to help him find a 'chuck key' dh had used recently (don't know what one of those is - but nevermind!). Dh must have lost it, as he phoned me from B&Q asking me to look in the kitchen cupboard to find his B&Q trade card.

I was in the middle of making lunch for the kids and couldn't find this card anywhere. I admit to being irritated with dh for losing the key and for being disorganised. I was a bit snappy with him on the phone and probably had a bit of a rant at him for being so careless, as I was busy trying to do other things at the time.

Didn't think much of it - but dh came back and said I was not to speak to him and that the guy at B&Q said his Ex wife used to speak to him like that. Apparently B&Q man could hear me on the phone blush. I feel like dh was a bit mean to tell me this and it was not of B&Q man's business. I thought I was having a private discussion with dh. Feel a bit stupid and embarrassed now sad

OP posts:
Booooooyhoo · 16/10/2011 13:20

what are you asking if your were in the wrong about? the way you spoke to dh?

Original poster
princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:21

Yes - although I think I was a bit snappy, I think most couples bicker.

OP posts:
Selks · 16/10/2011 13:21

Does seem a bit overly grumpy on your part, though I can understand that you were irritated to have to look for his card when you were in the middle of things.

You might find life easier and more pleasant with a little more patience and less irritation!

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 13:23

I would have been really embarrassed if someone heard dh talking to me like that. However as someone said people bicker.

ImperialBlether · 16/10/2011 13:24

What's interesting is "didn't think much of it", as though this is a regular occurrence.

So you had a rant at your husband and don't like the fact that a) the B&Q man could hear you and said you reminded him of his ex wife - the implication being that you were awful and b) that your husband told you about it.

You sound like really, really hard work.

Original poster
princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:24

I just thought we were having a private coversation. I didn't say anything particularly awful, was just a bit snappy.

OP posts:
bluegnueboo · 16/10/2011 13:24

The B&Q man sounds bitter and interfering. Ignore him and relax.
Of course all couples bicker.

ImperialBlether · 16/10/2011 13:24

"Most couples bicker" - but you were the only person having a fight.

Original poster
princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:25

Ok.

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 16/10/2011 13:26

Catch more flies with honey :)

worraliberty · 16/10/2011 13:26

I was a bit snappy with him on the phone and probably had a bit of a rant at him for being so careless

What do you mean 'probably'? Did you have a rant at him or not?

Booooooyhoo · 16/10/2011 13:26

so are you saying you would have altered the way you spoke to him if you had known you were being heard by someone else? is this because you are aware that how you spoke to him was wrong and people would judge you for it?

Conundrumish · 16/10/2011 13:26

Maybe the B&Q man is an interfering and judgy pain in the butt, which is why he is divorced!

GypsyMoth · 16/10/2011 13:26

I think you were being unreasonable. Are you so saintly that you never lose/misplace anything then??

Original poster
princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:28

I can't even remember what I said to be honest. I wasn't screaming and shouting - just annoyed as I was trying to make lunch and I couldn't find the sodding card anywhere. I didn't think much of it as it one of those minor disagreements people have.

OP posts:
Original poster
princessglitter · 16/10/2011 13:30

No I lose things all the time too and dh moans at me about it. Just don't think it was the place of B&Q man to compare me with his ex wife!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 16/10/2011 13:34

Well unless he had you on speaker phone, you must have been ranting quite loudly really.

Maybe it brought back bad memories for the B&Q man?

GypsyMoth · 16/10/2011 13:35

It was likely a throwaway comment that cut deep with your DH!

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 16/10/2011 13:37

Oh yeah I always go to B&Q for my domestic counsel, doesn't everyone Hmm

Forget about it. And next time he loses something, or forgets something tell him to go to see his mate at B&Q for advice

scarevola · 16/10/2011 13:38

You were overheard speaking nastily to your DH. Why, and what is a reasonable level of marital "bickering" is neither here nor there.

An adult should know that third parties can overhear the caller on a phone and clearly, if voices raised. It is also silly to assume that someone you know to be in a shop will be standing in seclusion.

So yes, I'd say you are in the wrong for telling off your DH in front of a third party.

You might prefer it if he does not mention to you when you have embarrassed yourself like that. But I think that would be unkind of him and very unfair on you. After all, is it better for you to continue in ignorance to talk to him in a clearly audible fashion in a y that makes you look bad? What if it was someone who knew you, not just a random tradesman?

He's done you a massive favour in telling you this. Heather you choose to heed the underlying message about your conduct is entirely up to you.

Trills · 16/10/2011 13:38

Do most couples bicker?

Even if most couples do, do you want to be a couple who bicker?

YABU for snapping/ranting. It's understandable that someone might snap occasionally when stressed, but that doesn't stop it from being unreasonable behaviour. You should apologise.

SaffronCake · 16/10/2011 13:40

B&Q man is a total stranger, he knows nothing about you other than one snapshot of overheard bickering about a trade card (which he should have taken to B&Q with him in the first place). In his opinion you might have sounded like his ex wife, who's to say he wasn't a total entitled & naricissistic shit to her and took offence at virtually every word she spoke? Likewise who's to say she wasn't a raging banshee and he was nothing but purely angelic at all times? The point is you know nothing about if his judgement is worth a damn or not. Let it go.

If you and DH are getting on each others nerves then change the scene. My (strangers) judgement is that bickering over cards, lunches and chuck keys means it's time you went out for a date to remind yourselves why you love each other so much you got married and had kids together.

A chuck key is a sort of a metal stick with a sort of a cog shape on one side. You use it to loosen up the drill so you can get the drill bit out then to tighten it up on the next drill bit you put in. Drills have different bits for different materials and sizes of hole. It's about the size of a short pencil with a remarkably interestingly shaped wart and it's grey.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 16/10/2011 13:41

She didn't bawl him out face to face in a crowd of people! She was on the phone, a one to one situation, as if he was stood in the kitchen with her.

ImperialBlether · 16/10/2011 13:42

Wouldn't most women just say, "Oh for god's sake... I'll call you back in a minute when I've found it"?

worraliberty · 16/10/2011 13:43

It's hardly the same as being stood in the kitchen

Well, unless the windows were open and the neighbours were listening....

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