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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have this kind of wedding?

53 replies

lesley33 · 14/10/2011 10:25

We are planning to get married next year. I am 47 and we have been together a long time. We have been thinking about getting married in our very close lovely registry office as late on as possible in the day. Walking to our house - 5mins away - and having food drink and a party at our house. Either a hot buffet done by a catering company or catering size trays of food that we stick in the oven and then people help themselves. Also would be providing lots of wine, beer, etc. No speeches - just someone getting up and doing a short toast to us.

I am not planning on a proper wedding dress, just a nice floaty dress from somewhere like monsoon. Our house is 4 bedroom detached with a living room that is basically 2 small reception rooms knocked together, a dining kitchen and 1 other small reception room. I had thought food in kitchen, partying/dancing in living room and other reception room for those who want to sit down and be somewhere quietier.

This is actually very similar to our 10th anniversary party.

Why I wonder if AIBU is that we could actually afford something much flashier. We have been very poor in the past, but now have the savings to afford a much more "proper" wedding. We are planning an expensive honeymoon so it will be clear we do have money. And although we won't have the planning of party favours, etc, will we regret the preparation and cleaning afterwards we would have to do? Although I do wonder whether we should just book a one off cleaning service for the next day.

The reason for this kind of wedding is that my OH hates being the centre of attention, or even partially. When I suggested this to my OH, OH actually said - oh does that mean I could escape upstairs for a bit when I want a break? My answer was yes. I have always just wanted some kind of a party after my wedding although had considered booking a local restaurant for a meal for everyone. I guess the other motivation is that I don't really want to spend lots of money on one day - but will I regret this?

Sorry its so long.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/10/2011 10:28

YANBU... Sounds excellent. In fact, the nicest wedding I've ever been to involved a registry office, a few mates and lunch at a nice restaurant afterwards before we all drifted home. Big flashy weddings are fine but, for the guests, it can feel like you're just a spectator rather than a participant.

Trills · 14/10/2011 10:28

Book a cleaning service!

You don't have an obligation to have a "proper do" if it's not something you would enjoy. Just make it clear to your guests what you are inviting them to.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 14/10/2011 10:29

Sounds lovely :) Go for it. We had an enormous wedding (huge family) and I detest being the centre of attention, would have loved to escape like that.

Shakey1500 · 14/10/2011 10:29

Sounds great! And a definite yes to the cleaning company :)

rubyrubyruby · 14/10/2011 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SausageGoulsAndFruitSpooks · 14/10/2011 10:32

Sounds perfect. Go for it.

Yes yes to the cleaner afterwards.

aldiwhore · 14/10/2011 10:34

It actually sounds lovely. AND very similar to a wedding I went to recently, some old friends of ours, been together about 23 years, didn't want it to be too 'weddingy' and love their home (and parties).

It was a wonderful wedding, and it wasn't 'like' any other party either because it was so sincere and beautiful. They ended up doing it more 'weddingy' than they intended as these things tend to be a domino affect. So once the marquee was organised, it then needed dressing, once it was dressed, well the groom decided he wanted to be 'dressed' up too, the wedding dress was a simple one from Monsoon but utterly gorgeous. Close friends and family were more numerous then they'd anticipated and it was a BIG party well into the early hours of the next day.

The best wedding I've been to in years. Our mutual friends are all quite musical, so they left a few instruments scattered about the place (if you can scatter a piano?) and the whole atmosphere was one of solid, long lasting love and the celebration of it. It was almost a 'retrospective' wedding, if that makes sense, and really truly heartwarming.

Go with what you want. You won't regret it. As the plans develop you can decide what parts you'd like, what parts you don't.

By the way, the groom is a bit of a grump, not very sociable, doesn't do crowds and hates pressuring into partying... the bride set up one of their smaller rooms that was to be out of bounds just to give him a bolt hole. He didn't use it once. Smile

lurkerspeaks · 14/10/2011 10:35

Have the wedding you want.

One of the best weddings I've been to in recent years was registry office, followed by a ceilidh reception in their back garden catered by the local indian restaurant. The food was great and plentiful. Lots of kids running around and dancing. Interesting chat (they have quite a diverse group of friends, I'm a hanger-on-er).

The only person who didn't enjoy it was Mother of the Bride who has delusions of grandeur.

This couple could almost certainly have afforded a much flashier/ traditional wedding but what they had suited them very well.

Definitely book cleaners the next day (or depending on the age/ existence / reliability of your kids tell them that would be the best present from them....)

NoodieRoodie · 14/10/2011 10:35

you've just described my wedding last year, it was lovely.

Married at lunch time, everyone back to ours, M&S buffet, then later in the evening our friends came round had a vat of chilli messed around on the Wii and drank loads.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/10/2011 10:36

I think your plans sound perfect. It's important to have the day that both you and your DP want - there is no 'right' and 'wrong' way to have a wedding, so don't feel obliged to have a formal 'do' just because you could afford to. Your DP doesn't want a big, formal wedding.

Definitely book the cleaning service though. A lovely advantage to having money is that you can get some help with the not so nice cleaning up part of the wedding. That would be money well spent.

Many congratulations. I hope you both have an amazing day.

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 14/10/2011 11:04

I think it sounds like a lovely wedding Smile

Yy to the cleaning crew the next day.

Minus273 · 14/10/2011 11:06

If that's what you and your DP want go for it, sounds lovely.

The cleaning idea is an excellent one.

fatlazymummy · 14/10/2011 11:10

This sounds lovely, and the kind of wedding I would love to be a guest at. Go for it !

TakeThisOneHereForAStart · 14/10/2011 11:21

It sounds lovely. A friend has done just such a wedding last week and it was really good. Everyone was welcome but it was all so relaxed and enjoyable.

Go for it.

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/10/2011 11:34

Thank you everyone. I know it sounds daft at my age but I do feel a kind of pressure (but not from anyone I know) to have a "proper" wedding.

I could ask my kids to do the clean up the next day, but I actually thought it would be nice for us to have time ourselves. And even if everyone said i didn't need to, I would still feel obliged to go downstairs and at least chat to my kids. With a cleaning service i can just leave them to get on with it.

It wouldn't escalate. Our garden is really a bit of a mess, so wouldn't go in for marquees, etc. And apart from invitations and a wedding cake, everything else would feel kind of superflous. I probably would just go to the florist and buy some really nice flowers to arrange throughout the rooms as I love flowers and ask some close by friends to bring round some spare chairs, but i can't really see what else I could do?

I would go the hairdressers earlier in the day, but nothing else.

My only other worry is about any damage to furniture. Our carpets aren't graet, so I'm not worried about them. And we could do with a new sofa, would just put off purchasing that. But we do have lots of really nice wooden furniture that I wouldn't want to get glass rings on. I could put lots of protective stuff/tableclothes out as I don't want to be worried about this during the actual day. But any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
lesley33 · 14/10/2011 11:36

And actually although most friends are really careful about using coasters - my parents are not. Its them who are most likely to leave glass rings on our wooden furniture - they do have form here!

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 14/10/2011 11:41

Me and dp are getting married next May,I will be forty. Were going to St Austell registry office as we will be holidaying in Cornwall with dd. All parents are going and that is it for guests. After I'm going to sort a buffet in the caravan we're staying in and everyone can wander down to the beach. Your wedding is what you make of it, not all the razzamatazz ! Yes definitely get a cleaner. Could you move nicer furniture out of the way to give you more room and save damage ?

fedupofnamechanging · 14/10/2011 11:41

Cover the tables, or move particularly important pieces upstairs and replace for the day with something cheaper, that you can cover, so no one will see.

I would rather have my wedding at home and maybe replace old carpets and sofa after the event than have my wedding elsewhere, spend lots of money on it and still have old carpets and sofa at home. It would be nice to spend that money on new furniture that you will enjoy long term.

I think the whole wedding industry has done a very good job of convincing women that weddings must be held in expensive venues etc.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/10/2011 11:47

Get your friends to keep a beady-eye on your glass-ring-making parents, perhaps? Flowers sounds nice. You can decorate a home quite nicely with ribbons or swags.... think 'Christmas decs' without the garish colours and glitter :). When a friend had a winter wedding at an old hall, she made the place look lovely just with tea-lights in little holders and a few simple table decorations.

neighbourhoodwitch · 14/10/2011 11:54

Sounds perfect. Keep your cash for other things. Good luck.

Original poster
lesley33 · 14/10/2011 11:59

Unfortunately I can't move the really nice wooden furniture somewhere else. The nicest stuff we have are two very large sideboards that wouldn't fit anywhere else. I like the idea though of asking my friends to keep an eye on my parents! Think I will do that. And I will look into maybe more professional type table coverings to protect furniture.

Beginning to feel excited about this now.

Also because it is more a party I don't really care if some people leave quite early - although I fully expect to be partying with friends into the early hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
lesley33 · 14/10/2011 12:00

And I don't mind how many children come!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 14/10/2011 12:07

Candle light would look lovely, especially if it is a winter wedding (you didn't say what time of year you are considering), although I guess this would depend on whether there were small dc about.

I wish I'd had a Christmas wedding with lots of fairy lights and (non tacky) decorations.

Glad you are getting excited. That's how it should be.

Pandemoniaa · 14/10/2011 12:07

Sounds like a fab wedding and most importantly, the wedding that will suit you and your dp. In my view there's no such thing as a "proper" wedding although far too many people do get persuaded into having the sort of day that is exactly what they don't want!

Get a cleaning service in, cover the nice sideboards and then just get on and enjoy it!

marge2 · 14/10/2011 12:09

Go for it Lesley. Sounds wonderful!

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