To have this kind of wedding?

[lesley33]

We are planning to get married next year. I am 47 and we have been together a long time. We have been thinking about getting married in our very close lovely registry office as late on as possible in the day. Walking to our house - 5mins away - and having food drink and a party at our house. Either a hot buffet done by a catering company or catering size trays of food that we stick in the oven and then people help themselves. Also would be providing lots of wine, beer, etc. No speeches - just someone getting up and doing a short toast to us.

I am not planning on a proper wedding dress, just a nice floaty dress from somewhere like monsoon. Our house is 4 bedroom detached with a living room that is basically 2 small reception rooms knocked together, a dining kitchen and 1 other small reception room. I had thought food in kitchen, partying/dancing in living room and other reception room for those who want to sit down and be somewhere quietier.

This is actually very similar to our 10th anniversary party.

Why I wonder if AIBU is that we could actually afford something much flashier. We have been very poor in the past, but now have the savings to afford a much more "proper" wedding. We are planning an expensive honeymoon so it will be clear we do have money. And although we won't have the planning of party favours, etc, will we regret the preparation and cleaning afterwards we would have to do? Although I do wonder whether we should just book a one off cleaning service for the next day.

The reason for this kind of wedding is that my OH hates being the centre of attention, or even partially. When I suggested this to my OH, OH actually said - oh does that mean I could escape upstairs for a bit when I want a break? My answer was yes. I have always just wanted some kind of a party after my wedding although had considered booking a local restaurant for a meal for everyone. I guess the other motivation is that I don't really want to spend lots of money on one day - but will I regret this?

Sorry its so long.

Thank you! We were planning on a summer wedding. We had decided practically nothing about the wedding and I wasn't feeling very excited about it at all. Have just realised that I think that was because I thought I should have a "proper" wedding, but didn't really want that (although I kind of didn't really realise that).

I am getting excited now. Candle light is a lovely idea, but it will be quite crowded, especially earlier on so I think i would just worry about the potential for accidents, etc. If we do get the garden a bit more sorted though, it would be nice to have lots of tea lights outside. And it would give us more space and be better for any kids if they could be outside - assuming the weather is okay. Maybe we could request helping to improve our garden as a wedding present/s.

Do you have heaters for the garden? Even in summer, it could be a bit chilly. I would get some nice solar power garden lights which would look very pretty for the evening.

Actually might do an optional wedding list asking for people to do things for us rather than give us things e.g. weed the garden a week before the wedding/set out tea lights, etc.

One of the nicest weddings I went to was of a very religious couple who had lots of members of the church doing things for the day. It kind of made it feel a much warmer occasion than a commercial one, if that makes sense.

No we don't have heaters, but could hire them. Beginning to see why earlier poster said these things could escalate! And nice solar power lights would look lovely - and we could use them afterwards!

The best wedding I went to was one where the couple had an informal reception in their garden. It was a lovely sunny day (which does help) and everyone had plenty of wine and buffet food and could sit with their friends and just talk and relax. No formal speeches or seating plans - it was bliss.

It sounds lovely and much like the sort of wedding I'd like.

I hope you have a fabulous day.

I think that even with the additional costs, you will still spend less than on a formal wedding - and whatever you buy will be yours to keep. If you don't think you will use things again, you can always sell them on. Given that you have nearly a year, you have time to look out for bargains and get garden stuff in sales. Now summer is over, you might be able to pick up heaters a bit more cheaply than if you were getting them in summer. MNers are very good at tracking down bargains if you start a thread asking. Do you know anyone who could lend you some heaters?

Agree that it is very easy to escalate.

Sounds lovely but as you can afford it i'd go with the caterers option, otherwise you'll spend a surprisingly large amount of time putting trays in the oven, checking them, taking them out etc etc and not being able to mingle much really. Leave the food to someone else and enjoy the party!

YANBU. I had exactly the same kind of wedding. Not too many guests, walking distance from the mairie in the village and lots of food and drink at home. Also everyone stayed in the village hotel so no-one had to drive. It was perfect.

After 20 years together my old flat mate did something very similar, registry office, low key lunch at her Dads and then a lovely meal at a restaurant in Mosehole.
The bride didn't wear a fancy dress, she always hated getting doled up and it was absolutely right wedding for them and her elderly Dad.
Perfect for us too because the DDs came to the Wedding and Lunch, but stayed with their Cousins in the evening.
In a way, I was much more comfortable with this than the other Wedding I went to this Summer. This was a full blown hotel do, beautiful setting, lovely food evening dance, but I couldn't help thinking how much it must have cost both the couple, their parents and the guests.
I know it cost me 3x dresses, shoes and hair decorations and my mum, sister and Dad had to get posh clothes. My elderly parents probably won't wear again. It was lovely to see them dressed up, they rarely did even when much younger.

sounds great - use a catering company (even get them to provide one or two people to help serve, so you can chat and be hostess - not server)) and a cleaning company after.

Sounds like a lovely lovely weding. As you can afford it, definitely go with the catered buffet and spend a little bit extra on making sure there is plenty of food and nice things to drink. And definitely get someone to come and clean the next day - buy some croissants or something and you can then spend the morning drinking coffee and nibbling pastries with your kids feeling all cosy and relaxed.

definately get caterers in if you can afford it and cleaning team the next day - perhaps book to take the DCs out for a fancy brunch the following day so they cleaning team can just get on with it in peace.

I'd also definately think about flowers, maybe spending some of the money you've saved on your garden, get some pots done with flowers in so that you still get the use of them afterwards.

One thing I would say is think about the amout of drink you'll need - see if you can get anywhere that will do retuns on unopened bottles etc so you can get more than you think you'll need (our wedding guests drank far more than I anticipated!) - just in case.

Parking - will this be an issue in your road? Can you ask your neighbours if any of them would mind offering spare places on their drives for cars?

Also think about how you are planning on signaling the end of the night, you cant really have the bride and groom leaving as you will be at home already, you can't have someone say 'bars closed' as it's at home - perhaps make sure you put a 'carridges' time on your invites and maybe block book a number of taxis going to similar areas your friends live in to make it clear party's over (it's your wedding night, you don't want to be sat up for an extra couple of hours chatting to people who don't get it's time to go and you need to make the marriage binding ).

It sounds lovely. My Dh has Aspergers and we did exactly that. We'd been together for about fifteen years when we got married, we went to registery office, quiet family meal (eight, including us and dcs) then drifted home and had a nice bottle of wine. It was great, and no regrets at all.

I've been to a wedding, just like what you described.

It was flash, in that all the drink was provided (no expensive bar). What they did do, which I thought made is special, is that they had a catering company that did an antipasti buffet started, followed by a paella main (delicious), and a pudding of little cakes. We just went into the kitchen for each course.

They also had a harpist at registry office, which I thought was a really nice touch, the bride had a lovely bouquet, oooh and we finished the evening with sparklers in the garden.

I think a caterer going around with canapes, would be nice. Me and a friend were comparing notes, as she'd been to a similar wedding, where it has been three courses of canapes with people mingling, a wow cake, and some nice prosecco. I'd just make sure the food and drink is fabulous.

YANBU. I would advise getting in outside caterers to make it less stressful for yourselves and maybe a cleaning company afterwards, enjoy the day, relax and know that you are having a 'proper' wedding.

It's most definitely a 'proper' wedding, because a proper wedding is one that is based on what the bride and groom want, and what has meaning for them both.

I've mentioned before I'm a handfasting celebrant and I've done all sorts of weddings, including ones with just me, the bride, groom and a photographer. It was exactly what they wanted so it was their proper wedding.

It sounds fab. Most importantly, it's what you both want. Age and money have nothing to do with it!

yes, yes, to covering up the nice wooden furniture!

Get some plastic clothes from the £1 shop, and just weigh them down with the food/drink (or candles)

sounds like a lovely plan :)

Thank you all. I am actually planning on inviting quite a few people - so not just a few people. The sparklers in the garden is a lovely idea and easy to organise. I think I'll buy some and leave them out for guests.

I have been looking online. tbh the caterers all look pretty expensive for what they provide and doesn't either look that special, or is poncy food - which I like but my DP hates.

What I am leaning towards is ordering buffet catering food from marks and spencers. They have a small branch about 5 mins from us and so much of the food looks gorgeous and is already on trays - you can order lots of things that you can't get in the shop. Ask my mum and dad to collect in the car and stick it in the fridge to be laid out - they will be keen to help. We have an old fridge/freezer in garage so should have enough room.

Thinking of couple of sides of dressed salmon, a number of cold joints, salads, nibble/buffet type food and then cakes/desserts. Having quality disposable plates e.g. hard plastic.

Ask some friends to lay out food - they can hurry back from registry office - will only take 5-10 mins to do. Then at end of evening put uneaten stuff in fridge, close door until cleaners come in morning.

I don't think I will bother trying to make garden fancy. Just have it as a space for kids to run around if the weather is okay. And we have a nice house, so only decorations I will bother with are proper white tableclothes and flowers.

It actually has all the ingredients I wanted in a wedding. Not too much work, lovely food and drink and a chance to mingle and talk to guests. I have been to quite a few weddings where the food isn't that great even though it is an expensive venue and where the bride doesn't get much chance to talk to guests.

I am quite happy for guests to stay as long as they want - 3 or 4 in the morning is fine. Usually DP and I are quite happy to party till very late. We are usually reassuring guests that they can stay as long as they want.

Parking is a big issue in our streets, so not sure what to do about that.

Would be nice to book a minibus with driver to take people home. I know this isn't that expensive. Maybe hire it for 2-3 hours and it can do 2 or 3 trips then. Say from 10-1pm. People staying later will be a small group of friends, so will only need a couple of taxis. Then parking wouldn't be such an issue - we are easy to get to by public transport, so easy to get there.

It sounds lovely - and it's the kind of wedding I'd actually look forward to.

One suggestion though - if you are worried about the furniture (understandably!) and the parking etc and if you are going to get catering platters/company & hire a cleaning company (all of which I would do too!!) then wouldn't it be easier/less stressful to just hire a private room(s) in a local pub/restaurant? It can still all be the same - just not your furniture getting damaged and lots of parking. The cost will be about the same surely?!

i wouldnt bother with the cleaner, wont take long to shove a few glasses and plates in the dishwasher

The problem with hiring somewhere is the look and cost. The most recent wedding we went to had reception in community centre. It was fun. But when we talked about our wedding DP said that it was a bit scruffy and wouldn't want our wedding in a venue like that. We have a really nicely decorated house.

If we got a venue that DP was happy with I think we would have to pay quite a bit more as we would have to use their caterers, buy drink from them, etc. We also would have a much earlier finishing time than we could have at home.

Having it at home means we can have really nice food much more cheaply. My other thought when I first posted was to hire a local restaurant that does lovely food. I had asked them price and for 40 people it was £20 per head for 3 courses plus I think £100 plus drinks. So it soon adds up, especially with drinks. Having at home we can be much looser about numbers (sure bring your friend who is staying with you that weekend) and buy lots of alcohol/soft drinks for people for much less money.

And hiring a minibus with driver should make a big difference to the parking issue and mean that people can drink and get home safely and for free.

When I first posted here I wasn't sure what I wanted for our wedding, but I am now much more sure.

oohlaalaa - The harpist in the registry office sounds a lovely idea. I did go to a wedding where a friend of the bride sang an aria - friend was an amateur classical singer.

Sounds great! Book cleaners and caterers though ( you don't want to spend the whole evening putting things in and out of the oven, making sure they don't catch etc. From your post I think you could easily afford this and it would make it so much more relaxing for you both). Accept the odd glass might get broken and so on.

My parents had this kind of wedding back in the 70s before big weddings became the thing to do. People had a ball. Loads were still there after my parents had left on honeymoon and my grandad had to go and get kfc, the only thing available back then, to keep the guests going late at night. I can remember people talking about what a good time they had when I was a kid ( I was born after they married).

Enjoy!

It sounds fab! I was a (reluctant) bride and we got married in a registry office and then went to a cafe for coffee, because it was too early for a pub lunch! Off to the pub more or less as soon as it opened, had lunch there, then DH and I went home alone. It was no more or less than I wanted. Only guests were DH's parents and sister and one friend - my family was all overseas and couldn't get tickets to travel (wedding with 2 weeks' notice at Christmas).

I agree that I would pay for cleaners and get someone else to deal with the food (even if it's M&S!). Love the idea of providing transport home for everyone!