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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the school set a poor example when it comes to sickness

29 replies

mosschops30 · 13/10/2011 13:14

this is a huge bugbear of mine (being a nurse and therefore unsympathetic to nonsense).

Got a call from the school, can i please come and pick ds1 up because hes a bit pale and feels a bit sick.
So i aked if hed actually been sick and they said no but theyd like me to go pick him up Hmm

When i was at school (80s) youd have to be bleeding out of your eyes before theyd call your parents! If id been at work it wouldve been tough!
Doesnt it just set the example that you can say you feel a bit whatever and then go home?

Suprise hes spemt 20mins in bed and now 'feels better' Hmm

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/10/2011 13:17

YANBU.......I have had this a couple of times and it annoys me as well. My DS knows that he has to have a limb hanging off or something as bad if he gets a day off sick but they have been known to call me for silly reasons. A few weeks ago they called me because he had shut his finger in the door and was a bit upset. I told them that as they are aware he can be a drama king and could they not just tape his fingers together and send him back to class....but not, I had to have him collected. My friend/neighbour went for me as I was at work and she confirmed within ten minutes (sitting in her lounge, eating crisps and watching sponge bob) he had cheered up no end!!

catchafallingstar · 13/10/2011 13:20

I think the school is being very unreasonable.
I understand that they are not there to 'nurse' children but unless he had been sick, there was no need to send him home.

What about working parents or just busy parents?

I would have refused to pick them up unless they had been sick but thank them for keeping me informed - I am too busy to run to the school because my dd says she doesn't feel well.

lesley33 · 13/10/2011 13:22

YANBU. I wonder though if it is about nervous schools covering themselves in case the child ended up having a serious illness and perhaps getting sued by the angry parents.

But it is very annoying!

jeee · 13/10/2011 13:22

My experience has been the opposite. At infants they might phone you - but would leave the decision as to whether to pick up the child up to you. At juniors a child can be practically unconscious, and unless they've vomited the school doesn't phone you. My DD1 was apparently lying on a bench in the playground, groaning. Her temperature was over 41 by the time she got home. And the school did not phone me.

The knock on effect of this is that if I'm unsure as to whether a child should go into school, I tend to not send them in. And I'm the kind of heartless mother who thinks only the black death is sufficient excuse to miss school.

carabos · 13/10/2011 13:22

Moss "bleeding from the eyes" - you were lucky. When I was at school in the 60s and 70s your parents would only have been summoned if you were actually dead.

iwantbrie · 13/10/2011 13:24

YANBU at all, my DC's school phone you up at the drop of a hat..
Last (school) year they phoned as DS had apparently been sick at dinner. I went up to school to get him & it turns out that he hadn't actually been sick, just felt it & the dinner lady assumed he was going to be... I argued the point & left him there. He was fine.

iwantbrie · 13/10/2011 13:26

I'm also the type of parent who wants to see limbs dropping off before they stay off school... Grin

BOOareHaunting · 13/10/2011 13:27

YABU. IMO/E schools don't ring the parents unless the child really is unwell.

I got a phonecall at 12 noon today at work to say DS feeling sick and very pale. Could I collect him. When I got there he was practically unconcious on the reception seats having vomited a little (not eaten since breakfast) and I had to carry him to the car and he has come home and hasn't moved from his bed.

He has complained of feeling sick lot's in the past few weeks (new school, nervous child) and the teacher has always told him he'll be fine. They aren't stupid and often parents themselves so can judge when a child is actually ill.

olderyetwider · 13/10/2011 13:27

I had this with primary school. GS would always be poorly when maths was on the horizon, and was a good actor. I fetched him several times, only to have him perk up once home so I refused to fetch him unless actually sick. So they started phoning my mum to collect him (saying that they knew I was at work!) He always perked up with her as well. Fortunately he's moved onto seconday now and it's not happened yet, but it used to piss me off!

PinkPoncho · 13/10/2011 13:29

YANBU. Also, if the children pick up that just being a bit flaky is enough to get a trip home what message is that sending to them?

My ds has a tummy bug last week and now knows that means he can be off, we've had quite a lot of 'afterpains' hmm..Smile

Original poster
mosschops30 · 13/10/2011 13:30

But they make you feel so guilty, i feel like a bad parent if i dont go and collect him. Hes only 6.
Have refused to pick dd up several times as shes in high school.

Hes just asked if he can go to football later!

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 13/10/2011 13:32

boo i can assure you my ds is not 'really unwell'.

OP posts:
Blu · 13/10/2011 13:32

I had a series of these calls, and DS was always 'very hot' headachey, tired, not feeling well.

After leaving work in a hurry 3 times in short succession I started saying 'has he got his fleece on? OK, could you get him to take it off, have a few lungfuls of fresh cool air, and then call me again in 20 mins if he is still ill?"

I was never called back.

herbietea · 13/10/2011 13:33

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Original poster
mosschops30 · 13/10/2011 13:34

I didnt send him to school ill, he was fine this morning and is fine now.

Im a nurse, am well aware of the risks of sending children to school with d&v symptoms

OP posts:
Lifeissweet · 13/10/2011 13:38

I am a teacher who is, ironically enough, off sick myself at the moment (pregnancy complications). It is a difficult judgement to make sometimes. If a child complains to me about being unwell I usually check if they are hot, give them some water and tell them I'll check in a little while to see if they are better. It's usually easy enough to tell if they are actually unwell (droopy, pale, hot...etc). Quite often they just perk up. If they are still complaining, I will sit them on a chair instead of the carpet or let them sit quietly in the book corner. Often they bounce back.

I will call a parent if they have vomited, if they have a fever or if they have had a borderline serious injury (badly banged head...etc). Other than that, I will try to handle it at school.

I have, however, had some parents complain that their child has gone home complaining that they've been feeling unwell all afternoon, but I hadn't called to tell them (even though, on the couple of occasions this has happened, said child has been in school bright and breezy the next day, so I trust my judgement!) - so sometimes I will let the parents know so that they can decide. It often depends on the parent and how often the child 'cries wolf'.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 13/10/2011 13:39

I once sent one of my DC's to school. He was perfectly well. Wandered off to have a cuppa with one of the other mums and 10 minutes!!! later the school ring and say DC is unwell can I pick him up Hmm Anyway I walk back to school and DC is sitting in the lobby looking a bit sad . So I wander bcak to friends to collect handbag finish my cuppa. Within 5 minutes DC was bouncing around so I took him back to school and told them he was fine and to call if there was a problem. Grin He was fine.

Groovee · 13/10/2011 13:44

My friends school constantly sent her dd home. My friend then worked out it was always a monday when she'd had a sleepover at the weekend and was tired so wanted to come home. Her new private school has a matron who phoned my friend the first time her dd appeared in her room and the matron was happy when my friend said "unless she's dying or has puked, please don't phone me!"

Her ds's have been sent home numerous times whenever they've gone to the nurse's room, so she thinks the nurse for an easy life sends any child home.

Another friend's ds kept complaining of a sore tummy and she told him to stop being stupid until the school called an ambulance and by the time she got to the hospital, he was in surgery having his appendix removed and the surgeon said it was close to bursting. That was a whoops moment.

PreviouslyonLost · 13/10/2011 13:48

YANBU...

Personally I want the head spinning and green ectoplasm to appear, with added 'Your mother sucks boabies (this is NOT a spelling mistake [hgrin] ) in Hell' type comments, before I would even consider picking up these days...

Sadly it seems that the first 'too hot, too cold, sore tummy' ( might just be a good old fart required ) has people reaching for the phone. I'm only a tad cynical after experience of dropping off DC1 (at Nursery it has to be said) driving for an hour on rural Hell'ish Winter road to work, getting there, bum just on seat, before I got the call...DC1 made a recovery worthy of Lazarus as we left the nursery building.

herbietea · 13/10/2011 13:49

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Blu · 13/10/2011 13:50

School classrooms are often so boiling hot and airless. No wonder they are hot and floppy, half the time!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 13/10/2011 13:52

Sorry herbie pissed off and grumpy Smile

OP posts:
mumsamilitant · 13/10/2011 13:56

YANBU

And it doesn't stop at that these days

I get call for absolutely everything these days!!!!

DS played with a coin in lesson.
DS didnt have a black pen (5 blue ones though)
DS turned round in his chair when something was thrown at the teacher. He was in cahoots, everyone appears to be ganging up on me
DS talked over me

Blah blah blah

Grrr

It's called covering ones arse Angry

herbietea · 13/10/2011 13:57

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CoffeeDog · 13/10/2011 14:03

DD sports day - all parents waiting outside. DD teacher comes out DD isnt feeling well we think maybe she should go home.
Me DH and great nanny have had this day booked off for weeks.. (first sports day) she dosnt look poorly... but i drag her back to the car she seems to perk up, i rant that she shouldnt tell fib's if she is not really poorly she answeres me by projectile vomiting all over the back of the car me and her dad.
She also loved adult attention, and found that if she said she wasnt feeling well she would get to go to the office where the lovley ladies would give her a cuddle and have a chat with her before deciding to call me. Now they tell her to go back to class... in a really nice way and she can pop in for a chat at lunch time if she is not busy playing;)