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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel stupid....

36 replies

whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:20

I am moving area in a few weeks and my friend and I decided to go to a Spa together for a treatment. I had a voucher from some months ago for my birthday and she also wanted a treatment so we decided to go together and make a morning of it!

My friend very kindly offered to pay extra for me to have a more expensive treatment but I declined because I really only wanted a manicure (she booked the same) and so instead, she said she would buy me lunch after the Spa as a goodbye present.

I accepted and thought she was very kind for offering so off we went to a restaurant after the treatment. We did have starters and coffee as well as a main so I fully intended to put £10 towards my lunch as I didn't want to take the mickey but when it came to bill time (£50) she just said "lets split the bill" Sad

Now I know it is not the end of the world but I had just sold a couple of old toys on ebay and so had a little money in my purse to pay for the ingredients for my daughters birthday cake. I had to use this to pay my half and my friend even commented on clever I was to 'remember cash'.

Then I had no money left to get the cake bits and I came home really angry. I would never ever have gone out to lunch with that money if she hadn't offered to pay. I sound like a money grabbing cow but I had to stay in for 2 days running to wait for people to collect the items sold so I had money for the cake....should I have said something??

No of course not. I would have sounded so rude but oh what a waste of my money.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 09/10/2011 21:23

how gutting

you shouldn't feel stupid, you should feel angry that you were put in this situation.

Booooooyhoo · 09/10/2011 21:24

oh that's a bit odd of your friend. do you think maybe it came to more than she expected and couldnt affordn it all?

HumphreyCobbler · 09/10/2011 21:25

I think she must have forgotten her offer. She should be more careful about these things.

yellowraincoat · 09/10/2011 21:28

How rude of her. Perhaps she didn't think about it/was embarrassed that she couldn't pay after all? Still, very unpleasant for you.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:29

Yes it was like she forgot or just changed her mind! I wouldn't have accepted if I didn't think she had the money. I have babysat a few times recently and she said she was going to get me a present anyway and so if I wanted she would get me lunch instead of an extra treatment. I said something along the lines of 'ok then thank you, sounds lovely....'

I cannot imagine why she forgot but she just did. This was yesterday and I feel upset because it feels like I might as well have thrown the money away. Argh.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 09/10/2011 21:31

Why didnt you say "I thought this was your treat? I left my purse at home" ?

GlendaGoose · 09/10/2011 21:31

YABU.

Oh what a waste of money? But OK if it had just been her wasting her money?

It's cost you £15 more than planned, it's unfortunate but surely not the end of the world? She shouldn't have reneged on her offer of buying lunch but you should have made sure she knew you couldn't afford to reciprocate (or pay half).

GlendaGoose · 09/10/2011 21:33

Sorry, wrote my answer before I saw the babysitting bit.

In that case YANBU.

EmLH · 09/10/2011 21:33

Difficult one really. I think she's a bit cheeky to go back on her offer and you are bound to feel disappointed, but she probably wasn't expecting the bill to be that high. I wouldn't usually expect to pay more than about £15 each for a lunch (I don't drink) so she might not have had enough to pay the £50. If it was me being bought lunch I'd have offered to split anyway, as the bill was high enough to be a bit embarrassed about it. If she is going back on her offer though, she should at least have mentioned it or told you why so you aren't being unreasonable to feel cheesed off about that.

It does sound like you wanted your friend to pay for something you wouldn't have been willing to though, so that's perhaps a bit unfair.

HumphreyCobbler · 09/10/2011 21:33

I would not assume that £15 is not the end of the world. For some people it is. Did you read the OP?

HumphreyCobbler · 09/10/2011 21:34

you don't offer someone lunch and then change your mind about it when the bill comes. I cannot believe anyone is making excuses for this, or putting the blame on the OP.

EmLH · 09/10/2011 21:35

Ditto to only just seeing the babysitting bit. Even if she was shocked at the total I assume half of it was hers so she prob should've sucked it up.

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 21:35

Maybe she should lend you a few quid next week. You could

tell her straight tactfully explain why things are a bit bloody tight right now.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:35

Well Glenda - it was a waste of my money because I didn't intend to buy lunch. However, my friend said that she was intending to but me a gift or a treatment or lunch and therefore was not a 'waste' of her money because she already intended to 'spend' it iyswim. My friend is fairly well off and I would hate to tell her that I am feeling the pinch this month due to moving house and make her pay out of pity.

troisgarcons - I should have. But I would never call someone on their offer to buy me lunch as it seems rude to me. I guess IABU.

Am skint this month because of house move and dd birthday.

OP posts:
Booooooyhoo · 09/10/2011 21:37

"It does sound like you wanted your friend to pay for something you wouldn't have been willing to though, so that's perhaps a bit unfair."

did you read the same OP i did? the friend offered to pay for lunch as a treat because OP refused her offer of paying for a more expensive beauty treatment!!. OP was hardly on the scrounge was she?

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:38

Sorry Glenda X-post.

I ordered food along the same lines as her...so we had a small wine each, the same starter, equivalent main and had coffee. I already though I would add £10 because I knew it would be expensive but she chose the restaurant as well.

Sorry, I should just get over it.

OP posts:
GlendaGoose · 09/10/2011 21:39

As I said, I'm sorry, I wrote my reply before I saw the babysitting bit.

GlendaGoose · 09/10/2011 21:40

x-post, wish I could learn to type faster.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:41

Glenda - me too Smile

OP posts:
frutilla · 09/10/2011 21:42

That's terrible...are you selling anything else on ebay Maybe you can post a link if so in case someone on MN wants to buy something. Is that allowed?

mistressploppy · 09/10/2011 21:42

Your poor thing, I hate that feeling of having accidentally wasted money. Don't beat yourself up - your friend cocked up here, YANBU.

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 21:44

Well, it's a shame you didn't say something at the time. It's not on to say you will pay for lunch, choose the restaurant then reneg.

I hope you can find some spare cash to buy the stuff you need for your DD's birthday cake :(

She's not much of a friend really is she - more of a user :(

Hungrydragon · 09/10/2011 21:44

Where roughly are you and what do you need for the cake? I have plenty of baking bits I have been in a similar situation where a friend offered to take me for lunch to return a number of favours, and then decided to split the bill so I know how horrible it is to hand over cash set aside for more important things.

Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:46

Frutilla - nothing else but thanks for the thought! Just got rid of a few bits before the move as needed a bit extra cash to tide me over.

Have got cake bits on credit card now. Will have to just pay it off next month.

Misstressploppy and everyone else - thanks. I am not angry at my friend...she is a bit ditsy at times and I should have just declined. It is the feeling of having pulled a few strings for a bit of money only to spend it on a bloody lunch. Was a nice lunch though Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsallthehullaballoo · 09/10/2011 21:47

Oh Hungrydragon what a love you you are!! My daughter wants me to mkae a star wars cake...have got some blue icing, and made a cute R2D2 to go on the top!

OP posts: