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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ML is bloody depressing?

53 replies

Arachnophobic · 06/10/2011 10:52

I do love my DD no doubt, but

  1. it allows you to think/worry about things you had no time to think about when you were working.

  2. you pick faults with people/things/situations that previously you never had time for

  3. you spend too much time cleaning/homemaking

  4. get stained teeth from drinking too much tea

Generally I find it pretty miserable and unproductive.

AIBU

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 10:54

Those are certainly the negatives, there's no doubt about that!

There is a flip side, I shall get back to you.

(scale and polish booked for tomorrow!)

Folicacid · 06/10/2011 10:55

eeeesh, I'm on Day One

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/10/2011 10:56

Yes YABU, it's not about you. It's about your child. S/he needs you.

JeelyPiece · 06/10/2011 10:57

Problem 3) is not an issue with which I'm familiar and I'm halfway through ML.

  1. eat too much cake
tifflins · 06/10/2011 10:57

I know what you mean OP - I got a little bit OCD about cleaning and housework in general when on ML. Am much happier now working part time and appreciate my DC sooooooo much more when I'm at home with them.

redskyatnight · 06/10/2011 10:57

YANBU. I hated my ML. If you're used to a structured and full day it's hard to fill your time. If all your friends are at work it is very boring and lonely by yourself. Or you can go out and try to get to know random-person-who-happens-to-have-a-baby-of-similar-age and discover that you have absolutely nothing in common and feel even more miserable. And if your baby doesn't stop crying it just feels like ongoing torture.

bigkidsdidit · 06/10/2011 10:58

I started noticing things like dusty skirting boards while on ML - things that I never notice when out of the house all day. YANBU. Plus I got really fat being by the fridge all day.

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 10:59

The flip side... I'm 8 years in to my ML Wink and therefore it can't be that bad Smile

I did find it hard to adjust to no routine, I was so used to day to day up out school/work that it was a massive change... so I made my own routine, one I could easily break when i felt like it, but one that made the days more productive.

GumballCharm · 06/10/2011 11:03

What is ML?

GumballCharm · 06/10/2011 11:05

Oh! Mternity Leve! YABU. ML is great.

1: It allows you to do things you never had time for such as reading and crafting

2: You meet new people at groups

3: You can spend time nesting and making house look better

4: You can have a tea break whenever you like

petitepeach · 06/10/2011 11:06

Maternity Leave!

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 06/10/2011 11:09

What was your routine aldi?

OP posts:
JeelyPiece · 06/10/2011 11:22

Tea break whenever you like! My baby doesn't think I am entitled to a tea break at all. Or a loo break. GumballCharm that sounds like ML without a baby getting in the way Smile

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 11:32

Wake up like I had to be out and about... buying a papoose so I could still move about whilst feeding baby on demand. Having a timetable of sorts for week days that didn't solely revolve around housework. Obviously with a small baby, timetables are hard to stick to, so it was very flexible.

Planning what I wanted to achieve in the week also helped, whether it was 'I want to redecorate the kitchen' or 'I want to visit friends' or 'I want to try and make a jumper'... stuff that you now have a LITTLE time to do. Redecorating with a small baby was a bit of a major fail though lol.

I also did a lot of walking and got into the habit of drinking too much coffee in garden centres. It all sounds rather dull looking back but it saved my sanity at the time... I also got heavily into ebay and made a few bob.

My routine is very different NOW to what it was 8 years ago, I'm very busy but still not in formal 'work' though I do have routines... which have gone to pot this week as DH is working away and I'm busy wasting time on here with my FIL and various projects linked to school PTA.

whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2011 11:32

I have only had tea breaks since I have been back at work Wink

TeaMakesItBetter · 06/10/2011 12:07

I loved ML, had a complete blast and ate way too much cake but you've got to keep busy. I approached it like it was my job - looked at what "meetings" I had that week (baby groups, friends to see, HV checks) and if there were empty days I'd find something to do, or plan a duvet day at home. Then I'd plan all the housework and chores around all that. Most days I was dressed by 9am, often by the time I got the baby up at 7am loser. We were usually out of the house from 10am till late afternoon so my poor DH barely had a home-cooked meal the whole time I was his housewife Grin. Structure is your friend and work is highly overrated, trust me.

NinkyNonker · 06/10/2011 12:08

I never found any of theose problems, you're obviously just not suited to it.

Annpan88 · 06/10/2011 12:21

Mines just finished and I am sad :( only part time in evenings so not so bad buti loved it. Do hate the ocd cleaning thing though

stabiliser15 · 06/10/2011 12:28

I didnt really enjoy my ML. Felt incredibly bad about that - it wasnt that I didnt enjoy being with my DD, but I just felt a bit directionless. Pre-DD I had a very demanding, time consuming job and didnt really spend much time at home. Being in the house all the time felt very restrictive. I was also lonely. I didnt join any post-natal/baby groups because its not my thing at all (I did try, but not for me). My job has always been such a significant part of my life it was hard to function without it.

To keep my sanity, I went for a walk every day, no matter what. Even if it was just to the shop for milk. Get out of the house. As someone else said, set yourself targets but give yourself generous deadlines. Life was much better when DD and I found her routine and it gave me structure and opportunity to get things done.

My ML made me realise that being at home long term was not for me (something I had suspected pre-DD but this confirmed it). Now I am back at work, I relish time at home but I am much happier.

hophophippidtyhop · 06/10/2011 12:38

It took me a couple of months of maternity leave to realise I didn't have to wait to have lunch at 1 if I was hungry earlier!

ledkr · 06/10/2011 12:41

Im on month 8 and am very bored and a bit lonely but the thought of going back to work does scare me especially on the days like yesterday when i barely got out of the house by lunch never mind 8am.The good thing about ml is not having to go to work after a bad night.The definate downside is the lack of money.

dreamingbohemian · 06/10/2011 12:53

I struggled the first few months because I fixated on everything I couldn't do -- then I realised that not working meant there was loads of stuff I could do.

I didn't do baby groups, I had no structure, I just did whatever I felt like. Sometimes I was motivated and we went for long walks, sometimes I was lazy and we relaxed at home all day and ate cake. DS took long naps so the house was spotless for the first time in my life. I watched every single match of the World Cup! I made one new mum friend and that was great. I kept up with my work a bit by reading stuff online.

Obviously ML with more than one kid is a different story!

But everything changed for me when I started thinking of it as being on holiday, but with a baby, as opposed to being trapped at home forever.

susiey · 06/10/2011 13:07

Yanbu I completely understand I am currently pregnant with dc4 and know now that in order to be a good mother I need to work as well!
If I'm at home all day I terrorise my poor children where as if I work I look forward to having my days with them and having cuddles at the end of the day!
What I do think is that we as women need to understand that we are all built from different moulds and not everyone will mother in the same way and here's the most important part support each others choices instead of berating them.

eurochick · 06/10/2011 13:12

Arach aside from the first couple of weeks after birth, you don't have to take it. It's not compulsory. I know a number of people who have not taken their full ML allowance because they didn't enjoy being at home with the baby all day every day. They think they parent much better when working and then really enjoying the more limited time they have each day with their offspring.

Bet01 · 06/10/2011 13:13

I think it partly depends on what type of baby you have too. My DS is 7 months and still hates being put down for long, so the day is a constant challenge of ways to keep him occupied: 10 mins jumperoo, into Bumbo for lunch, lie on the bed and practice sitting up, etc etc all day really. I can barely go to the loo, and he only naps with me next to him (which is when I can MN)
We go for 2 hours worth of walks a day and I drink a lot of coffee. DS doesn't do sitting in cafes so coffee is takeaway.
I can't really do a lot of housework and book reading/hobbies are but a dream!
Basically I find ML incredibly tiring but also dull. I don't go to baby groups as don't fancy the idea much, and although I love DS I cannot WAIT to go back to work.