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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ML is bloody depressing?

53 replies

Arachnophobic · 06/10/2011 10:52

I do love my DD no doubt, but

it allows you to think/worry about things you had no time to think about when you were working.
you pick faults with people/things/situations that previously you never had time for
you spend too much time cleaning/homemaking
get stained teeth from drinking too much tea

Generally I find it pretty miserable and unproductive.

AIBU

OP posts:

YouDoTheMath · 06/10/2011 13:19

I loved my maternity leave - but then I really hadn't liked my job.

I remember at the halfway point, I got really depressed as it felt like the countdown was on until I had to go back, even though I still had another six months off!

As it happened, when I returned to work part time I was moved to a much more enjoyable position.

I'm about to go on ML again and I feel very differently - I'm really going to miss my job and I can't believe I'm going to be at home ALL the time again.

That said, I did find the first time around that the realisation I now had limited time to myself forced me to make the most of that time. I love writing, and I did a hell of a lot of it whilst DD was asleep. It definitely made me feel better, and kept my brain active (which is essential for sanity and wellbeing).

It was hard to find time to read, so I invested in a few audio books. Meant I could multi-task. Plus like others I went for at least an hour's walk in the day with DD, and if I didn't manage it, I'd go alone after DH got home.

This time it will be harder, but I have the benefits of both experience and a can-do attitude, so I'll fit the writing in if it kills me!

nickelbabe · 06/10/2011 13:21

I don't get ML.
:(
I wish I could.
I've basically got the option of haivng the first month off, which I'll have to pay Assistant to work for (ow ow ow ow ow)
can't even get MA, because you have to earn a certain amount first (based on last year's "profit")
after that, it's back in here, baby in the cupboard behind me (might re-think that one!), no way I can move from the spot, and no help.

nickelbabe · 06/10/2011 13:21

(DH will come in every day after he finishes work, so it's not all bad - he can run and fetch me food anddrinks)

thesurgeonsmate · 06/10/2011 13:32

I really can't see this as a question of reasonableness at all! I liked ML, but I think I found the whole looking-after-the-baby thing a bit more time-consuming than you do. I found her easier to look after when out of the house, so on days when we had nothing planned I would take her to museums and galleries or on long walks with my new iPod, listening to the podcast of A History of the World in 100 Objects. I nearly got through the whole history. I suppose it's quite PFB to make the whole day about keeping the baby relaxed, but the whole time is about me too, and I felt I hadn't taken time out from my career to spend it doing housework I wouldn't normally have done.

TadlowDogIncident · 06/10/2011 13:37

YANBU. Though I didn't do the OCD cleaning thing as DS was a demanding baby (now a demanding toddler) and didn't nap except for 10 minutes at a stretch, and then only on me. I went back after 6 months, when the pay ran out, and felt much better, or at least I would have done if DS hadn't spent the next 3 months waking up every two hours every night.

tifflins · 06/10/2011 13:45

Big at HopHop

Trills · 06/10/2011 14:00

YANBU to not enjoy it

YABU to think it is in general bloody depressing

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 06/10/2011 14:03

At least on proper ML you get proper maternity pay! I went from being self-employed to having dd so only got a pittance, then was temping for the 8 months leading up to ds's birth, so again only got SMP. Plus had to go back a bit earlier than I would have chosen to as the right job happened to come up and I didn't dare not take it!
With my first I absolutely loved it for six months then got itchy feet and would have liked part-time work. I didn't actually start that for about a year and it felt very liberating. So YANBU in my opinion, but appreciate the fact that you have a job to go back to!

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 06/10/2011 14:06

I am amazed people find time for reading/craft/hobbies/housework...as some others have said going to the loo and drinking a whole cup of tea while it's hot were my major acheivements!

Ragwort · 06/10/2011 14:07

Took me ages to work out what ML was ............

Just be grateful you got it - there is some obscure rule that if you are out of the job market for over a year (and not on benefits or anything that is 'registered') you don't get ML - so desite having worked for nearly 20 years I got no ML when I had my DS at age 43 as I had been travelling with DH for a year and therefore not entitled to anything . Having said that I am still on extended leave with a 10 year old now at school - I love it !

tryingtoleave · 06/10/2011 14:10

I didn't do much housework and I'm not a tea drinker.

I watched degrassi DVDs while breastfeeding and read lots of books. I went out for coffee lots, wandered round the shops and the lake. I had mothers group once a week, regular coffee with friends once a week, post natal exercise group. As ds got bigger we went to swimming lessons and just to the pool a lot.

It was lovely.

MilicentBystander · 06/10/2011 14:14

Oh yes, I agree.

I went back to work at my super duper stimulatingly important job in Tesco as I was just going mad, MAD, insane being stuck at home all day.
I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM but golly, I so admire all of you who can do it and stay sane

thesurgeonsmate · 06/10/2011 15:04

This mystery of the "time to read" - I wonder if people who read loads of books are the ones who've managed to work out a system to balance a book while bf?

nickelbabe · 06/10/2011 15:24

ah, surgeonsmate - you need something like a Gimble, or a book rest. (available in all good bookshops....)

nickelbabe · 06/10/2011 15:25

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=gimble&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1152&bih=755&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=uGij3ktdxfeUHM:&imgrefurl=www.newslinemagazine.com/2010/10/the-sea-and-sand-toolkit/&docid=njpj4oA6iCr0yM&w=584&h=389&ei=JLqNTvzIEs6n8QOl8dke&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=801&vpy=458&dur=1787&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=140&ty=113&page=2&tbnh=160&tbnw=226&start=23&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:23" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">gimble

thesurgeonsmate · 06/10/2011 15:47

I knew it! Ah, well, there's always next time.

(Although on a serious note - there isn't actually a next time, I do think that PFB ML is a unique chance to do whatever you think will please a baby with just the two of you to look after. There was a great story on here once about someone feeling a bit trapped who reported back that she had taken the baby for a successful picnic lunch. The picnic was bm for baby and a bag of maltesers for her. Sounded great, but just wouldn't do with a toddler in tow.)

amicissima · 06/10/2011 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 06/10/2011 16:25

Just curious, for those saying you didn't have time to go to the loo, was it because you had more than one child to look after?

I think ML is a vastly different experience if you only have one wee baby and that probably doesn't get mentioned enough.

TadlowDogIncident · 06/10/2011 16:32

I didn't have time to go to the loo when DH wasn't here - DS was really demanding, refluxy and colicky, and needed to be held upright pretty much all the time when he wasn't feeding. Weirdly, he slept OK at night, which saved my sanity.

On the other hand, he fed a lot, and I could read a paperback one-handed while breastfeeding, so I got through quite a lot of books while I was on leave.

Bet01 · 06/10/2011 21:39

Same for me Tadlow, just the one DS but boy is he demanding. He has a lovely bouncy chair that he screams in, activity centres that bore him, and nothing less than being held all the time will do. God help me when he's a toddler...

motherinferior · 06/10/2011 21:42

OH god, YANBU, my first maternity leave was utterly miserable. Yesyesyes, of course the baby needs you yadda yadda yadda, of course you love the baby - actually that is the worst bit, you know intellectually that you could just walk out and slam the door but you can't, it's like fish hooks yanking you back to the baby - but oh I was lonely and isolated and wondering what the hell had happened to my life and body...

...and then I went back to work three days a week at four months and it all started looking much much better

motherinferior · 06/10/2011 21:45

Actually the worst thing is that everyone expects you to be blissful and sententiously instructs you to 'enjoy it while it lasts' while you are secretly and guiltily longing and longing and longing for it all to have passed.

chelen · 06/10/2011 21:56

YANBU, although I am from the other side of this as I always thought I'd want to go back asap, then found I just love arsing about all day with child.

I think YABU to do any cleaning though.

tryingtoleave · 07/10/2011 00:02

Yes surgeongate, I read while breastfeeding. I used to breastfeed ds lying down, holding book with two hands. Now I have an iPad, so it would be even easier.

And I probably thought the workload was quite high at the time, but having looked after a baby and toddler since, it does, with hindsight, seem a halcyon period of rest and self indulgence.

tryingtoleave · 07/10/2011 00:04

Also, I like having lots of quiet time to think. The op might prefer having a toddler, which I find very difficult as, ime, they don't give you any time to be quiet or restful.

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