AGAIN WITH THE MIL ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Angel786]

Firstly sorry as I've posted here before about this and hate to say it but will probably do so again.

MiL came to visit yesterday and as with all her visits she was armed with crap. One free toy she had picked up from cow and gate. Some of her leftover food that she took out the freezer (not enough for DH and I but apparently she deliberately made extra for us) AND...

2 grown up handbags for my 10month old DD. Handbags she says she bought new for DD. Handbags that smell of their house (fried food / cooking curry). Handbags that are dirty inside and have been USED.

This is not the first time this has happened. She tried to pass off her daughter's (35 year old) baby clothes as new from mothercare for my DD and my DH's baby blanket (30 years old) as new from Debenhams. She (badly) made clothes and said she'd bought them.

Don't get me wrong if she said I'm clearing out the shit from my house, do you want it? I would say politely, thanks that's v kind but I've got enough shit. BUT WHAT ANNOYS ME is she LIES! WHY LIE!? WHY pretend this stuff is new?

I am so angry. Does she think I'm stupid?

Help me please someone before my brain implodes....

YANBU. Like you say you just want her to be straight with you and there really is no reason to lie.

But does she feel ashamed perhaps as she would like to buy but doesn't have the money?

Wow how ungrateful! Maybe if she didn't think you were going to turn your news up at it she wouldn't pretend its new!!

"I am so angry. Does she think I'm stupid?"

I dont know if she thinks you're stupid, but you sound grabby and ungreatful to me.

Can you really not just be nice for the sake of your DP and DC??

Oh FFS, she doesn't want crap in her house and she's being 'ungrateful'??

OP, I feel for you. Return the items to her and say 'oh dear, they seem to be damaged/used'. I hope you kept the receipt so that you can return them because I really can't use them'.

She's obviously a bit batty, but remain firm but kind and hopefully you'll reduce the crap that she tries to off load onto you.

Although if DH's baby blanket was cute it would be a really nice thing to keep a hold of.

bets bottom doller that op comes back to list more of her MILs 'crimes' or just makes them up till she sounds less like a cow

You need to be straighter with her at the same time as being nice.

Free toy - thinking of your DD, very kind! Brilliant, thanks for thinking of her.

Cooking extra for you and your DH - very thoughtful, oh thanks so much. Will make a nice snack. A nice thing for her to do! - she clearly wants to seem helpful!

Grown up handbags - well no, MIL, these aren't new, they're old. Did you get them mixed up? It doesn't matter, they're too grown-up for her and they're a bit smelly so if you don't mind we won't keep hold of them.

Show that you appreciate all she does at the same time as making it clear to her that no, you are indeed not stupid. If she comes out with ridiculous lies - challenge them politely. Look bemused and say 'but that's not new - I don't understand what you mean? I thought you'd made it - if so, that's lovely of you, it must have taken you ages!'

Etc.

I am not grabby! I don't ask / want her to bring anything! They are v generous and do have cash (and often give cash to DD) which is v kind and much appreciated. BTW I haven't ranted at her I am nice to her face and bin the unwanted items / give them to charity afterwards.

My gripe is that she always lies about where she gets things from. She lies and says she buys something from Tesco when it's from the 99p shop. I'd just rather she is honest.

She lies and says something is new when it is clearly not. What is my daughter going to do with a handbag, she is 10 months old. We live in a small 2 bed where space is v limited. I don't want a house filled with my MiL leftovers - is that wrong!?

My mum does this but at least doesn't pass it off as new. Not the worst MIL crime I've heard of on here. I'd just let her get on with it and quietly dispose of the stuff if you don't want it, sounds like harmless eccentricity to me and not something to get in a flap about.

If you dont want her 'crap' then get rid.

It really isnt hard

What dose your DP think about your situation?

OP, I also feel for you. Same thing happened to me. Before DS1 was born MIL said she had bought a new pram (was the only thing that I said I would like to have new, wasn't bothered about cot, highchair....). When we went to see it it was a 25 yo pram (very obviously). Told her we didn't want it. She was most offended. Why lie? It was just a waste of her money. I felt completely justified in telling her we didn't want it. she wasn't happy, but why waste her money on something that we had decided we wanted new?

Stick to your guns, OP, and just don't let the stuff into your house if you can help it.

My DD has DPs baby blanket from almost 40 years ago and loves it. I think it's a fabulous link to her daddy.

Yes, it's weird behaviour from your MIL but I think a lot of new mums seem to want only new stuff for the babies so maybe MIL thinks you're one of these people?

Just smile and say thank you and ignore where it comes from. I'd worry more if MIL was spending lots of money on totally inappropriate clothes or toys.

maybe shes embarrassed that she cant buy new stuff I feel quite sorry for her

It must be anoying for you to have her lie, but it sounds like shes kind in other ways so I'd just brush over it if its not causing any real harm.

I think giving old handbags to a baby is just bonkers personally. Yes, it's hardly crime of the century but it would annoy the crap out of me! What on earth is the point?

Thanks Shroud - good advice. I need a coping strategy!

Hamstersdontswim don't know what your bloody problem is but you sound like a headcase. I am not making stuff up or drip feeding so chill the fuck out.

Chitchatting - yes I did keep the blanket as it's sentimental. You're right, I'm not angry that she gives / offers these things it's just the way she does it. She outrightly lies to our faces and after a few rounds of questioning laughs and "confesses". I can't explain it it just grates on me and winds me up...

Oops sorry hamsters your first posts seemed quite angry - I apologise. I'm quite wound up so shouldn;t have said that.

Lol!

I may or may not be a headcase but I'm not the one getting so wound up over somthing so meh...

Ok

Truce

&

She sounds like she's being kind in her own way... YANBU to not want all this stuff, but I do think you could be a little more gracious/understanding etc.,

I'm a child of the 80's and had a pletherer of old handbags that smelled musty, and I am not harmed.

She may well be lying/fibbing and that's almost sweet, maybe she doesn't think the truth would be met with any understanding?

She lies and says she buys something from Tesco when it's from the 99p shop. I'd just rather she is honest.

I get the feeling you would be posting this rant even if she had said it was from the pound shop...

For some reason, most kids are also obsessed with playing with handbags... my grandaughter was from the moment she could toddle about.

I can think of a hell of lot worse things this woman could do than what you have listed.

If your DD is anything like my two she will love handbags in a few months time. My mum used to fill an old handbag with little toys and give it to my girls, it kept them entertained for hours on end!!

my nan always has and probably always will lie and give second hand tat, we have always just assumed shes tight, thanked her and got rid of the rubbish - some times little gems appear like beautiful old dolls and old blankets and things which Im always made up to get and cherish

Food wise my nan also assumes that we eat like little field mice - she sounds a bit dotty but Im really not sure she intends to be offensive - yes I can see why it winds you up, some of my nans behaviour niggles at me but the way I always see it is that she cares enough to do it even if her sentiments are a bit misguided, Its probably not what you want to hear but id kill for my OH's family to even pass us the time of day so be glad your not a family at war (just weighed down with crap :) )

YAB a bit U although you do have my sympathy

I can understand your frustration OP, DH's aunt is forever trying to foist her old crap off and us and DD, she is just trying to be nice though, so I mostly grin and accept it (although a few weeks back had to politely decline an enormous pile of old celebrity magazines she was trying to give me!).

Just accept graciously, give to charity if it is somethign usuable but you dont want/need, if it is clearly something manky like the smelly handbags just politely decline saying they appear damaged and that MIL had best get a refund (Don't call her up on the lying, it's impolite and probably v. embarrassing for her).

My DDs (3.5yrs & 14mths) love my Nans old hand bags.

I put all sorts of crap safe non toy looking stuff in them and it keeps them quiet for ages.